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to not let dad smoke in our house at Xmas?

223 replies

Dilemmacentrality · 20/12/2019 10:51

So we have invited my parents over a few days after Xmas for two days - haven't seen them for a while and it would be lovely to have them here.

Just spoken to my mum who says she wants to come but my dad is reluctant to come over as we don't like him smoking his pipe in the evenings. Apparently that is the best part of his evening - a drink and his pipe and he doesn't want to be without them.

My husband is very anti as we always smell of smoke when we go to visit and the children don't like it either. Pipes are worse than cigarettes for all the smoke!

I'm tempted to say it's fine for an evening but I know the children hate knowing that grandad smokes. Plus there will be smoke everywhere in the room. It would feel awful asking him to go in the garden.

Aibu for considering not going ahead? They're not getting younger but it really bothers me seeing him blowing smoke everywhere!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Sunflower1987 · 20/12/2019 10:55

YANBU!! Do not let him smoke in your house. How sad that the best part of his evening is smoking his pipe when spending time with his daughter and grandchildren. Stand firm on the no smoking and if he feels so strongly about smoking then it’s a shame he can’t come.


Goodnightjude1 · 20/12/2019 10:55

I wouldn’t have anyone smoking in my house. Not a chance. I wouldn’t want my children breathing it in, I wouldn’t want my house stinking either.
Unfortunately your father needs to understand that it’s your house, your rules. If he was in a hotel he wouldn’t be able to do it.


calmama · 20/12/2019 10:56

Why on earth would you allow him to smoke around your kids? My MIL is unfortunately staying with us over Christmas and there’s no way in hell shes smoking inside. She’ll try it on as usual but I’m primed to kick her out when she does!


Wherearemyminions · 20/12/2019 10:56

YANBU and I say this as a smoker, I wouldn't dream of smoking in anyone's house, I might ask if it was OK to go in the garden but would always ask first.


LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 20/12/2019 10:57

I know very few smokers anymore but the few I do know don't even smoke inside at their own homes, let alone at someone else's around children!


Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 20/12/2019 10:57

Don’t let him smoke in the house! Why would his enjoyment be more important than the children’s heath?


OddBoots · 20/12/2019 10:58

I would be telling him that he was welcome to make the choice not to come if that is how he feels but no way to smoking in the house.


PaddyF0dder · 20/12/2019 10:58

Not unreasonable at all.

As a kid, my grandparents used to smoke like chimneys. I cane to hate them visiting, as I was a very asthmatic child. And yet on they smiled, despite their grandchild’s asthma. It baffles me to this day that they did it, and also that my parents allowed it.

He can smoke in his own car. He won’t be out in the cold.


bananahood · 20/12/2019 10:59

Fuck that, out to the garden you go!


Instagrump · 20/12/2019 11:02

Even when I smoked myself I would not allow someone to smoke in my house!!!


TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 20/12/2019 11:04

MiL doesn't understand why she can't smoke in our house either.

She pretends she can't open the back door as sn excuse. Standard UPVc affair - my house isn't Dungeons & Dragons.

Smokers don't get it. They don't realise how bad it smells or how much it hurts your chest when you breathe it in. They're used to it.


f83mx · 20/12/2019 11:04

Nothing wrong at all with asking him to go in the garden ....


Newkitchen123 · 20/12/2019 11:05

No one smokes in my house
I don't care who they are


maddening · 20/12/2019 11:05

Pop a walled gazebo up in the garden and a garden chair and he could smoke in there? Say best and final offer so if not he can not come.


Kannet · 20/12/2019 11:06

Super strict here. Back garden and door closed.


Whiskeylover45 · 20/12/2019 11:06

The thing is, as guests they shouldn't be making demands like that, especially as everyone is aware the damage second hand smoke can do. And yes, I say this as a smoker. If it means that much to him, he can go outside like any smoker who goes to a non smoking house. Just because he smokes doesnt mean all of you have to put up with it. If they complain, just ask what's more important: smoking inside or seeing his grandkids and ensuring they are healthy? It wont kill him to step outside for a few minutes


NameChangeNugget · 20/12/2019 11:06

There’s nothing wrong with you saying no. Absolutely not. How sad that his drug addiction will make him alter his Christmas plans.


TheHootiestChristmasOwl · 20/12/2019 11:08

He can smoke outside. It’s your house.


Cornishmum00 · 20/12/2019 11:09

No one is allowed to smoke in my house, no excuses no exceptions. Tell him he cn smoke in the garden or go without for a night or 2


MoreSexPleaseImBritish · 20/12/2019 11:09

hard No!
me wanting my children to avoid being exposed to cancer causing things, also wanting my house not to stink trumps my father wanting to enjoy his evening a tiny bit better.

Your father sounds terribly selfish.
Something you enjoy shouldn't harm other people


nowaypose · 20/12/2019 11:10

My Nan used to let her brother smoke his cigar in the house when he visited, it was absolutely vile. Thankfully he didn’t visit often, it used to really choke us all.

Don’t let him smoke in your house around your children.


strawberry2017 · 20/12/2019 11:11

I would never allow anyone to smoke in my house, it would take forever to get rid of the smell and it's nasty. It's your home don't allow it. X


calmama · 20/12/2019 11:11

Pop a walled gazebo up in the garden and a garden chair and he could smoke in there?

Why should the OP go to such lengths?!

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon My MIL tries those tricks on me too. Or “forgets”. One of her own adult sons has severe respiratory health issues and she still doesn’t care.


eryn2001 · 20/12/2019 11:11

Hell no!
My boyfriend used to smoke and I always insisted he do it outside when he was at my house. He has made the decision to smoke, he's an adult, that is allowed, but absolutely not will I have him stinking my furniture and harming my body or the body of anyone else who hasn't chosen to smoke.
So selfish of your father!


beingchampion · 20/12/2019 11:12

I didn't get much sleep last night and am struggling with the negatives.

Am I being unreasonable to not let him - do they cancel out? The same as 'not done nothing' means that you have in fact done something?

I'll be back after caffeine and sugar, the world is too confusing right now.

Anyway, don't let him smoke. Can someone let me know which box to tick?

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