AIBU to fire the Elf on the Shelf - and how??

[rak5a]

It's been a good 5 years that we've done it and I'm exhausted. My kids are 9 and 7 and the 9-year old was told by an awful girl at school that Santa isn't real, so there's that. The 7-year old has always been less amused by "Jingles" anyway. I think it's time for it to be over.

But how do I do it? Do I send them a letter from the North Pole from Jingles? Saying what?? My creative juices are just not flowing and Google is no help at all (a million time-rich mothers in America giving ideas for "farewell until next year" parties for their elves!!).

Any advice v v v gratefully received!!

[Venger]

You could always say he'll pop in once a week to check up on them and then you've only got to stage the bastarding elf three times instead of what feels like eight million?

[MrsToothyBitch]

Don't forget to let us know how it goes!

[Kanga83]

Send an 'I quit' letter from him. After 5 years service thanks for the opportunity but he's done his time and won the elf lottery so he's quitting the Christmas slavery scene. Presents from now are on the strictly naughty and nice list done in secrecy by new recruits .

Sounds harsh? It's what my friend last year did. She lost it one night, chucked the elf and left a very formally printed letter in its place. I never did elf on the shelf so am no other help.

[Bluewavescrashing]

Drown the bastard. Ain't got time for that shite.

[malificent7]

Yanbu to banish elf...
Yabu to have done it in the first place! Not helpful i know!

[Foodielady]

Bandage the elf’s leg. Attach a letter from Father Christmas saying the elf has broken his leg so he can watch over the children but won’t be able to move. Sit the elf on a high shelf and just leave him there all month.

[rak5a]

Just picked them up from school and they were excitedly talking about the elf arriving on Sunday. FML. I think I need to stand by my decision though and write the letter. Thank you for the actual text as well @hidinginthenightgarden! I'm going to put the letter in an envelope with fake postmarks and have it sitting in the hearth having been posted through the chimney (even though I don't want to keep up the elf malarkey, I do find a bit of it fun!).

And @AloneLonelyLoner - too true, I deserve this for starting this batshit crazy tradition in the first place.

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

Wait until they mention it. If they're not bothered, they won't notice

[Pipandmum]

Not a thing we've ever done but last year my friend's dog ate their elf. He had to go off to 'hospital', and sadly did not survive the operation.

[AloneLonelyLoner]

Part of (the sadistic) me thinks you should suffer for starting this bullshit with them in the first place.

Nevertheless a letter saying that the elf is off to sort out the climate emergency in the polar ice caps should suffice, oh and here's a candy cane.

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Agree with PP
DEAR DC, unfortunatley there is an elf shortage this year and the elves are being sent out to watch the children and help out in the workshop too. I've heard through the grapeline that you two have been super good this year so I won't be visiting as I trust you to behave. I have left you some sweets/advent calender to help you count down the days until I send Santa to yours. I'll put in a good word for!
Have a great xmas.
Love Jingles

[rak5a]

Oooh, that's a good one - send him off to some other "needy" children. I like that angle. Thank you @MrsToothyBitch! x

[MrsToothyBitch]

Are they usually pretty well behaved & have you used the elf to encourage good behaviour in the run up to Christmas? Because if so, the elf hopes they wouldn't mind if he goes to watch another child who needs it. There are lots of naughty children and there's an elf shortage because of it. They've been so well behaved this year (insert examples of things they've done/improved you're genuinely pleased with) & he was v impressed to discover this, they don't need him this yr & he hopes they don't mind. Leave sweets or something with it.

Otherwise- busy at toy factory/younger children need him- he's sure they'll be ok.