to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

[thedevilwithbarty]

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

[dontalltalkatonce]

So if you can't afford to cater for pisstaking gatecrashers you tell your kid no party then, meg? Fuck that.

[mbosnz]

Oh, and budget.

[mbosnz]

However I also wouldn't throw a party if I couldn't afford to cater for more food, but then again I come from a culture where we would serve a meal for 20, just for 1 guest. I just think it's embarrassing to only serve "just about the right food" for a party

Some people are a bit more concerned about food wastage as a priority.

[meganxz]

I think it's rude to leave uninvited siblings full stop. It's tacky and looks beggish.

However I also wouldn't throw a party if I couldn't afford to cater for more food, but then again I come from a culture where we would serve a meal for 20, just for 1 guest. I just think it's embarrassing to only serve "just about the right food" for a party, and it's also tacky to make the uninvited kids feel shit.

I think everyone's being unreasonable but the party host is the one with the least class.

[FishCanFly]

i'm probably immature, but this is hilarious I guess the CFs won't do it again, as the next host would more likely try to outdo the green icon.

[Shooturlocalmethdealer]

I cant get over the fact people actually leave siblings at a party not intended for them!

[Betterversionofme]

There is an age when word yuck is amongst the most freakvent. As is poo. About 3/4 years old at meal times use it. They must learn it from other kids as I never heard adults talking like that. It's like childhood 'language infectious disease'. I just used to say in as boring way I could 'we say ' I am not fond of/ keen on ...'' so as not to add to any excitement of using those words.
In all I see how 'yuck bin' could encourage children put food there rather than drop/leave it anywhere.
Frankly, it's genius idea.

[Daisydrum]

@FrancisCrawford you need to tell us what did happen with Amelia?

[Winesalot]

@Strugglingtodomybest

Exactly. Not an emoji I even remotely like but isn’t that the entire idea!! Isn’t it all about ‘the grosser the better’. thank god mine outgrew the poop emoji. She wanted it plastered everywhere (but was not successful at all, I might point out).

[Pheasantplucker2]

There's a CF family with5 kids around here who always used to turn up in full force to people's parties. She's a queen bee in the playground and I think people were scared of her, so no-one ever said anything. All her kids are vile and entitled - at our year 6 leavers' do (which all the family was invited to on this occasion) she held court whilst her 2 year old ran around unsupervised in the carpark, and one of her sons sat on a ride on toy far too small for him and used it as a battering ram to attack other smaller kids. Her eldest kid was being vile to the other girls and made one of them cry.

Thankfully my kids don't have to be anywhere near hers anymore!

What used to amuse me was how people bitched about it behind her back and still fawned over her in public.

They are the ultimate CF family though - park outside the school on double yellows, cheated their way into the school in the first place, constantly burn their company to avoid debts and set up new ones, the list goes on. They break every MN rule going!

[Strugglingtodomybest]

Thanks for answering BloggersBlog and Winesalot.

Some posters hate the thought of it being called a yuck bin with the vomiting emoji.

I got that but I don't get what's so bad about calling it a yuck bin? Or what's wrong with the vomiting emoji?

[snowball28]

@FrancisCrawford actually I said I was very confused on what you were hoping to achieve from asking for opinions on your hypothetical scenario that you have clearly decided you are correct and other are not.

Not confusion on the hypothetical scenario itself, I understand that perfectly.

That is where my confusion lies (and still does) it lies with your intent. I just fail to see the point of discussion on something you’ve already decided on.

[Winesalot]

Also, not sure if you were not in your own home where you get a different receptacle from for said collection of unwanted wrapped.

One that was as hygienic as this yuck bin was likely to be anyway.

[Winesalot]

struggling

Some posters hate the thought of it being called a yuck bin with the vomiting emoji. Despite the fact that it most likely was thought up by a kid as that type of humour appeals to the group.

They also feel that the host mum deliberately set it up in advance to humiliate CF’s kids by feeding them out of it.

They feel the mum should have collected the still wrapped food in a pretty bowl and offered it to the CF’s kids. Or had the time and headspace to remove offensive label OR had extra lunch boxes just in case of said CF’ing emergency.

[BloggersBlog]

Because people are putting their own interpretations on the term @Strugglingtodomybest and preferring to think that the Host threw pigs swill into a dirty old rubbish bin and forced the poor little darlings to eat from it. Whilst Henrietta Von Beauty and the invitees sit on thrones laughing at the poor mites.

As opposed to the reality which is far less dramatic, that the Host probably brought an ice-cream tub labelled "yuck bin" to put any WRAPPED unwanted food in. And when CF little moaners whinged about being hungry(because their mum Amanda from Motherland hadnt bothered to sort it out), kindly offered them food from it.

[MrsC45]

Hi, a bit insensitive, but it's completely unacceptable to dump uninvited children and just leave them there. I assume the unwanted food was untouched, still wrapped up etc. Not unreasonable to suggest the uninvited have the left overs, assuming hygienically handled. I wouldn't want this for my child, but it's the parent doing the dumping that should be looking at their own shocking behaviour!

[Strugglingtodomybest]

Can someone explain to me how the yuck bin is humiliating, bullying, degrading or abusive because I genuinely don't get it.

[mbosnz]

From my somewhat repressed due to the trauma memories of hosting children's parties, they always wanted every child and their dog to attend.

I wanted the number I felt I could safely handle and contend with.

So usually we compromised - less than they wanted, and more than I was entirely comfortable with. So gatecrashers, when we had them, and particularly at places where numbers were strictly limited and I couldn't magic up more loot bags or food, were pretty much the final nail in the coffin.

I hated the parents who did that with a passion. They only ever did it once with me - because I'm afraid after that, they were on the party blacklist. And of course, it tended to come up in conversation with other Mums, so word soon got around. Anyone that does this is 1. stupid, and 2. really doesn't give a damn about their kids, as far as I'm concerned.

[snowball28]

@FrancisCrawford then why did you ask for opinions if you already see all gatecrashers as one and the same? Sorry, I’m just quite confused on what you’re hoping to achieve with this?

As it stands I still feel siblings aren’t so bad as compared to bullies, you disagree so there’s that conversation done with.

Great chat 👍🏻

[phoenixrosehere]

Sure, the children shouldn't have been left there... But I still find the yuck bin mother's actions inappropriate. It's perfectly possible to disagree with both.

What would have been appropriate then?

We don’t know when host mum knew that there were extra kids. We also don’t know how many kids there were to begin with nor if she got a chance to talk to every parent that showed up with a child. She could have also made the yuck bin beforehand knowing that kids may not like/want what she had provided in the lunches she made and didn’t want to waste food. I could easily see someone make a bin such as this so food isn’t wasted and they could easily pack it up instead of waiting til the end of the party to gather it all. We also don’t know if she was hosting on her own or with some help. I think she made a quick decision since she didn’t want the uninvited kids not to have anything and let them choose from what was left. It would have been highly unfair to those invited to have to divide what was for them to accommodate those who weren’t.

It’s also not fair to her to have to step away from her daughter’s party to have to call parents to pick up their uninvited children and then while trying to do everything that involves hosting, have to keep an eye on these said children until their parents show up.

With the very limited knowledge from someone who wasn’t even there, I think the host tried to make the best of the situation. I’d bet if she had not given them anything the CF mum would have made a scene too.

[Cocoschaos]

Franciscrawford if I was in that situation with having to leave one out, I'd probably just invite only a few anyway so not just one would not be invited. However, for the sake of the exact question you've asked, I'd tell Amelia's mother that it's invite only, and I'd also tell her exactly the reason why, there and then, that Amelia was not invited.

[Betterversionofme]

However, mostly I don't mind siblings for younger children. With toddlers it was even easier if parents and siblings stayed. It helped with childcare and parents could socialize too( a picnic with a big trampoline or a picnic in a public playground) Only with older kids I arranged ticked activities where you need a ticket per person (go apes, horse riding) but there it was always limited to a small group of 6 or 8 people).
As teenagers now I just need to give money and ice-cream shop near school seems to by place to celebrate birthdays (eating I e cream and talking about BTS or TXT)

[Betterversionofme]

While kids were young I always expected some parents to behave bad.
Amelia wouldn't stay. If mother would abandon Amelia, Amelia's mother would get a call from me and told she comes back now ( with exact number of minutes detailed) or her child it taken to a member of staff as a lost/alone child who would obviously call police. If I don't have a number or she doesn't answer then it is straight a member of staff in the centre.
I proud myself on being an evil witch. My child is more important to me.