....to be angry and upset by this?

[ClarabellaCTL]

My FIL came to stay at the weekend. In the past he had prostate trouble which led to waterworks issues in the night. This was a few years back and he told us about it. I told him not to worry, we understand, we put a mattress protector on and if there is an issue just tell me and we'll get the bed changed for him. Fast forward 2 years, he's had treatment and all is well. Apparently the wetting is no longer an issue. Today, I went into the spare room to strip the bedding after his stay and the place reeks of urine. The duvet, sheets, the mattress topper and even the electric blanket all stink. There is a waterproof protector but because it's been left untouched for a few days everything is tainted. I don't mind the accident, he's old and these things happen. What I mind is that he didn't say anything about it. I get that it's embarrassing, but there comes a point when you have to swallow your pride, and I made it clear in the past that it wasn't a big deal. If we'd known and changed it all straight away the mattress protector would have done it's job but now the bed, and the whole room stink. I've taken the duvet and the electric blanket to the dry cleaners, and have left the windows open all day. Would you be a bit angry about this? Just to be clear, he's not a doddery old person who wouldn't know he'd done it. Mentally he's fine, he travels all over the country alone and is just back from a travelling holiday in Spain. There's nothing wrong with his mental faculties!

[FalldereedilIdo]

OP a lot of older men with prostate problems leak urine (sometimes quite a lot) after every pee. You may have noticed that’s why some older men have a whiff of stale urine about them. I think they stop noticing the smell because it’s there all the time. My point is this may have been due to lots of little leaks to which he was totally oblivious. Please please don’t say anything to him, either way it’ll be nothing but mortifying for him.

[MrsStrowman]

I think there should be some element.of responsibility for him too, you say he's mentally capable, travels alone etc. In his shoes I'd buy some tena pants for over night stays, the person you stay with needn't even know.

[ClarabellaCTL]

Thanks all, I know I might be being a bit harsh. He might not know it happened, although I find that hard to believe. Yes, he must indeed be mortified if he did realise he had done it.

[Lila288]

Maybe he didn't realise he'd done it?

[tiggerkid]

The least he could've done is stripped the bed for you

I agree with this and sympathise with the OP. The comments about not being able to smell the urine may well be fair but he must have felt the wet sheets when it happened. And, yes, he could have stripped the bed and maybe mentioned it to his son.

It's easy to ask the OP to calm down and be judgemental but I am rather reluctant to do that as I wouldn't want to walk a mile in her shoes to find out!

[Di11y]

the least he could have done is strip the bed before he left and put the wet sheets separate. doesn't even need to say anything then

[TheCraicDealer]

Why the hell didn't he say anything to his son? Yes it embarrassing, but it's not on. The least he could've done is stripped the bed for you.

[Bluewidow]

I should add my brother in law once pissed in a bed and didn't tell us. I was fuming but that was because he was a drinker not because of any medical condition. We laugh about it now.

[birdladyfromhomealone]

He is probably absoluteley mortified.
just clean it up and forget it.
next time he comes make sure its old sheets and well protected.

[Aquamarine1029]

You may not be aware, but many elderly people suffer from major olfactory issues. He very well may not be able to smell the urine at all. I think you need to calm down.

[Bluewidow]

Well yes it's annoying and he should have said something. Perhaps he felt embarrassed as he was caught unawares and couldn't warn you that this might happen. just have a conversation with him before he stays next time.

[Solenti]

I feel terribly sorry for him as it must be really horrible having to own up to having an accident in someone else's bed, but yes, he really should have said and stripped the bed for you. I wouldn't expect someone to strip my soiled bed.