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MNHQ have commented on this thread

AIBU?

URGENT HELP NEEDED.

67 replies

MentalHealthCrisis · 30/10/2018 16:08

My friend is currently having what I would describe as a mental health crisis.

She text me a message saying 'goodbye' - she has been very low recently due to an abusive ex as well as family problems, financial worries and health issues.
She's just had enough.

I rang her and to my surprise she answered.
She was talking openly about suicide, that she doesn't feel scared or anything. Just peaceful that she'll finally be out of the misery she's in.
I asked her if X (our other close friend) could come round to speak to her and she said a 'goodbye in person would be nice.'

X then rushed round to her home and found her sitting on the couch, with the front door wide open. message redacted by MNHQ
When X asked why it was out she said 'they're coming, they will get me but at least I can get myself first.'

She won't tell X who 'they' are.

She has had a total mental breakdown. She believes someone's coming to get her, she wants to die, she said something about her mind saying it was the right thing to do.
But she's acting normally, scarily calm.

X is obviously not leaving her (she's in the garden smoking at the moment) but I have no idea what to do.
X can't find any crisis team numbers in her house.

X is texting me broken bits of information because she's slightly worried that if friend perceives her as being a danger
message redacted
Is 999 the right option? I don't know what the police or ambulance could do?
There's no crime being committed. She's not hurt.

Please anyone with advice? Google is turning up nothing.

OP posts:

Report

Over50andfab · 30/10/2018 16:27

Just having someone to listen to her will be helping the best for the moment. I wonder if she’s just started anti depressants as that can make things worse initially.

MaudebeGonne · 30/10/2018 16:29

You have done the right thing. She probably won’t be thankful at the moment, but when she is better, she will understand.

MentalHealthCrisis · 30/10/2018 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message redacted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Over50andfab · 30/10/2018 16:30

The fact she answered the phone to you and the door to your other friend says a lot.

EricTheGuineaPig · 30/10/2018 16:30

I hope all ends well for her. I can't imagine the pain she must be in.

TheLastMermaid · 30/10/2018 16:31

Whatever happens, OP, this is a very stressful thing for you to deal with. Don't be surprised if you feel extra emotional over the next few days. Your other friend too. Be kind with yourselves.

Tistheseason17 · 30/10/2018 16:32

This is clearly a cry for help and I'm glad you heard it, OP.

I hope she gets a MH assessment ASAP.

MentalHealthCrisis · 30/10/2018 16:32

@Over50andfab the door was wide open for 'them' to get in.
She's having delusions I think.

I hope that her communicating is a good sign though.

OP posts:

Over50andfab · 30/10/2018 16:33

It is a good sign!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 30/10/2018 16:34

You are a good friend and you have done the right thing. Getting professional help in is the only option here.

I hope she gets the help she needs. And I hope she realises that you and X care for her very much.

Suggest you and X support each other too. Hope it all works out.

MentalHealthCrisis · 30/10/2018 16:37

I just don't know what else to do.

I'm so worried they'll take her kids from her - if I'm complacent in that I'll never forgive myself.
They are who she lives for.

But if she hurts herself or even worse I'll never forgive myself either.
I don't know what the right thing to do is.

It's good to be able to get this down here.

OP posts:

Hidillyho · 30/10/2018 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Method removed Talk Guidelines.

MentalHealthCrisis · 30/10/2018 16:40

@Hidillyho the children are with their grandparents.
As I say, she made plans and left them in the place she knew they'd be loved, secure and safe.

Dad isn't involved, he's the abusive ex who has partially caused this situation.
She has said before that if she ends up dead he'll have blood on his hands, he's harassing her and just won't give up.

God, I feel so bad for her.

OP posts:

RomanyRoots · 30/10/2018 16:40

OP they may keep her for a while, could you help by offering some childcare whilst her family are helping your friend.

Vegetablegarden · 30/10/2018 16:42

If you can follow up and talk to any next if kin it would be good, to monitor and advocate for her if necessary.

Thishatisnotmine · 30/10/2018 16:43

Echoing what everyone else hassaid. Don't worry about the what happens next just know that right now you have absolutely done the right thing. People often seem calm and happy even once they have madeup their mind to take their own life as they have an escape planned. Hopefully nowvshe can start to get the help she needs.

Storm4star · 30/10/2018 16:44

OP if the children are safe with the GPs then SS will not swoop in and take them away. They would far rather that the children stay with relatives. Meanwhile your friend can get the help she needs. You have absolutely done the right thing.

Petalflowers · 30/10/2018 16:44

Wishing your friend all the best. Hopefully she is in a safe place now and getting all the help she needs.

Well done to,you for acting so quickly.

HildaZelda · 30/10/2018 16:46

OP, you absolutely 100% did the right thing calling 999.
4 years ago, a close family member of mine attempted suicide. He had written notes to his family and left the house. I won't go into details, but will just say that at the last minute a complete stranger realised what he was going to do and stepped in.
He was taken to hospital and got the help he needed. He still goes to counselling, but is doing so much better. He's in a good place now.
Hopefully the same will happen for your friend x

PiperPublickOccurrences · 30/10/2018 16:47

I just wish I could help her.

By calling 999 and organising an ambulance you are helping her.

Hidillyho · 30/10/2018 16:47

Thinking forward, when she is a bit better, is there anyway that contact between her and the ex can be taken away from her? So all contact via a 3rd party?
If her ex is threading/harassing her then she needs to go to the police and get a restraining order. This is things that can be done as and when.

Will the ex try and use this as a way to get custody of the children? If so is there anyway that you can limit who finds out about this? Eg kids aren’t told so they don’t accidentally tell him? And a plausible excuse so it doesn’t seem as though she has ‘abandoned’ the children or unfit to keep them (just trying to think how he could spin it - my dad was a master at turning things on my mum to make her look bad so I’m not suggesting that your friend is either of these)

Puggles123 · 30/10/2018 16:50

You have done the right thing, she evidently needs help and support and will be assessed appropriately when in hospital and they will decide the best course of action eg) sectioning or support in the community.

lovetherisingsun · 30/10/2018 16:51

OP, you've done what you can. It's hard when a friend needs us but we have children so can't just drop everything immeadiately when there's a dependant involved. The police and ambulance team are trained to handle these things - we aren't. We do what we can, but ultimately, you've absolutely done the right thing. You're a great friend.

LukeSkywalkerBoots · 30/10/2018 16:56

She’s lucky to have good friends like you.

If it’s any use to hear this, 12 years ago I had the police and ambulance come because i was suicidal and I’d severely mutilated my arm. I’m now settled with a loving husband and children.

Is there a chance of getting a restraining order on her ex if he is harassing her and affecting her health perhaps?

HopeMumsnet · 30/10/2018 17:03

Hi MHC,
We hope you don't mind but we have certain rules here that the Samaritans gave us, and we follow them as close as possibly in situations such as these. In order to leave your thread up, we have had to redact certain pieces of information - we hope that you don't mind and it allows you to continue to receive support at this difficult time.

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