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AIBU?

To not want to change the date of my wedding?

42 replies

kiwikovi · 29/10/2018 12:59

Hi all,
Long story short: we've just told my (soon to be) father-in-law that we are getting married in April 2019 and it turns out his wife and him have bought tickets to go on a (4 day) minibreak to Turkey exactly when the wedding will be. They have spent 300 Euros on the tickets which are nonrefundable and cannot be changed in any way.
They don't want to lose the money, so I have told him it is not a problem if they cannot make it to the wedding (imagine very low-key, almost just a dinner). Just for info, they got married a few years ago while we were away from the country for 3 months.
He has now asked me if we would consider changing the date of the wedding. Nothing has been fully booked yet, but the date is special to us. Am I being unreasonable to not want to change the date?
(Well that was not short at all! Sorry )

OP posts:

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proseccoandbooks · 29/10/2018 16:04

Ffs, people are getting more and more entitled! No, OP, don't change it. This is ridiculous. If they want to attend, they will.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 29/10/2018 14:47

I think YABU and you should change the date. I think it’s rather flippant and callous that you don’t even care if your future family will be there.

Yeah, the “great if you can make it, if not fine” attitude works for most guests, but not immediate family. Barring any abuse, you should want your future husbands family to be there and try to make that happen.

And if your DP is so pissed off with the wedding that he won’t even tell his own parents the date, I don’t think you should be getting married at all.

Havaina · 29/10/2018 14:43

I’m with others - why didn’t you check date availability with key people sooner, especially if you had your heart set on a specific date?

OP has already explained she is not fussed if people can't make it as it was originally just going to be her and her fiancé at the wedding anyway.

kiwikovi · 29/10/2018 14:33

"Your entire family setup is bizarre. Why did your mum know the date over a month ago but your fiancé only just told his dad recently?"

I wouldn't go as far as bizarre My mum is helping with liaising with venues as the wedding will be abroad... That's all.

OP posts:

kiwikovi · 29/10/2018 14:28

"Alternatively...how do you feel about getting married in Turkey?"

Hmmm

OP posts:

DishingOutDone · 29/10/2018 14:21

300 Euros? Wow. Holiday of a lifetime is it?! Keep your date. By all means offer them some travel costs or something if it makes you feel better but don't change the date.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 29/10/2018 14:15

Alternatively...how do you feel about getting married in Turkey?

🤣😂

Dyrne · 29/10/2018 14:05

I’m with others - why didn’t you check date availability with key people sooner, especially if you had your heart set on a specific date?

Your entire family setup is bizarre. Why did your mum know the date over a month ago but your fiancé only just told his dad recently?

And why is your fiancé “bored of wedding planning” when it appears all he needed to do was think about dates and telling his own family? I get not giving a shit about matching cream to ivory for the napkins but basic stuff like dates and telling family?!?

anniehm · 29/10/2018 14:01

If they call the hotel/airline/holiday company there's a good chance they can change the date for a fee - it's months away, unreasonable of them to even suggest you changing date

Orchidflower1 · 29/10/2018 13:58

Why not go back to your original beach plan as pp have said- may be easier in the long run!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 29/10/2018 13:58

Why are people saying he can’t be there - of course he can. It’s €300 not a life saving operation. If wants to be at his sons wedding he can be.

If it isn’t worth forgoing a €300 holiday, it’s clearly not that important for him to be there ‍🤷🏻‍♀️

HirplesWithHaggis · 29/10/2018 13:57

If you are in the UK, and PIL elsewhere in the EU (hence paying €300, rather than £300), and you're getting married just after Brexit day, there's a chance they won't be able to get into the country to attend your wedding anyway... in the event of a no-deal situation. Stick with the date.

snowgirl1 · 29/10/2018 13:54

Most couples have different dates for the dates they met and the date that they got married. I'd change the date so the ILs could attend and enjoy two anniversaries a year

AnnieAnoniMouse · 29/10/2018 13:53

Don’t change the date.

Give them the benefit of not having realised it’s your anniversary date when they asked you if you could change, and explain that’s why you won’t be changing the date.

If his Dad doesn't think it’s worth losing €300 to be at his son’s wedding then it’s clearly not very important to him that he’s there, so why should you change the day when it’s important to you?

IF it was something else important to them, like one of her children’s wedding days I’d change it, or possibly something they’d spent a lot of money on, but not for a holiday for €300.

Stringofpearls · 29/10/2018 13:49

Everything else aside, you really don't need to get married on a special date, it will forever be your wedding date and will become special in its own right.

Hont1986 · 29/10/2018 13:48

Would you change the date if it was your own father who couldn't attend?

Mushroomsarehorrible · 29/10/2018 13:46

Cannot imagine our (fairly recent) wedding without my in laws there! YABU

RiverTam · 29/10/2018 13:46

what is more important, the date or family?

Lemondrizzlecake1 · 29/10/2018 13:44

I wouldn’t change the date, it’s your wedding and you’ve chosen a date that is significant to you. We only booked our wedding in March for an August wedding. My sil had a holiday to Australia booked, her partner flew out on the original date and sil paid to move her flight and fly out later, if she’d chose to go on holiday it would have been her choice. I wasn’t going to move my wedding for anyone, not even parents.

MrsJamin · 29/10/2018 13:42

Your wedding day will become your new special date! How can you put that above your DH's family being there?

Streambeam · 29/10/2018 13:38

All comes down to what is most important to you, having that particular date, or having your inlaws present as part of your special day.
There’s also the issue of your choice sending a message to your inlaws about the value you place on them.
Long-term, what is going to have the greatest impact on your happiness as a family?

greendale17 · 29/10/2018 13:38

YANBU- you want this special date then go for it. It is your wedding

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SpoonBlender · 29/10/2018 13:36

Another vote for the beach.

Faithlulu · 29/10/2018 13:35

As you have not paid for anything can you go back to the beach somewhere warm idea! 😜 sounds like your fiancé is not loving the wedding planning and change of plans...

kiwikovi · 29/10/2018 13:29

"But why did you leave it to your mum to tell them something as significant as your own wedding date? Why didn't your fiancé discuss it with his dad himself? It sounds like a really strange family dynamic!"

My parents and them get on well and they were over for dinner when they started talking about our plans. At this point fiance was already pissed off with the whole wedding planning and didn't want to het involved

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