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Extreme emotions after birth

37 replies

DiaDiaB · 24/10/2018 23:04

I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy on Monday. The pregnancy was quite traumatic and draining. The birth was so traumatic that it required a debrief. Baby had to be resuscitated after. Just left the hospital. I'm drained, but so in love. He's perfect in every way.

I find myself upset thinking about:

  • the birth experience
  • inability to breastfeed
  • worries about him growing up and missing him being this small
  • severe anxiety something will happen to him
  • general tearfulness and crying due to being quite overwhelmed:


Normal?
Will this pass?
OP posts:
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Accountant222 · 25/10/2018 19:46

Normal and it's overwhelming and then the huge responsibility hits you, you wouldn't believe the trivial shit I worried about. Take it as easy as you can and enjoy your little one. And massive congratulations x

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SlB09 · 25/10/2018 19:30

Just to add, breastfeeding didnt work out for us after lots of coaching etc and at the time it felt like the worst thing to stop but it was the best decision in our case for my son, my mental health and for my husband to bond with baby. If it doesnt work out then please please dont beat yourself up, your baby will still be fed, be happy, grow and thrive and be all the better for a happy mummy.

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SlB09 · 25/10/2018 19:25

Completely normal but difficult when your going through it. My son was resucitated, problems with breastfeeding, tongue tie, reflux etc, those first few weeks were literally a blur, so emotional, so many tears, so many 'what ifs' about the future my mind was just blown. Get all the support you can from your midwife and then HV, honestly they are so used to dealing with it. I also had help from the breastfeeding midwife who when she went through her assessment really helped me understand that what I had been through was actually pretty full on, lack of skin to skin and all the things that are proven to help both mum & baby.

All I would say is there is lots of support out there and take every bit that family, friends, neighbours, health professionals offer as it really does help. Go easy on yourself, my worst days were days 3-5 and then day 15ish, it will come in waves. There is no handbook just do what gets you through. My lo has turned a year and its just a different ball game completely, I no longer check hes still breathing, worry about when he leaves home etc, I enjoy him on a day to day basis. Try not to listen too much to those thoughts, its just your body trying to readjust and you will feel back to a 'new normal' very soon xxx

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Vampiratequeen · 25/10/2018 14:22

That is completely normal after any birth. My DS has just turned 13 months and I do miss him being little, but he is such a wonderful, naughty, cheeky chappy that the feeling doesn't last that long.
All parents worry about anything happening to their kids, it is a part of being a parent, it's instinct to protect them, as long as it doesn't start impacting on your life, I wouldn't worry.
I couldn't breast feed either of mine, I tried with both, my DD wouldn't latch as she had too much mucus on her stomach which was telling her she was full, so she had to have breast milk from a bottle then I dried up at 6 weeks, with my DS he latched wonderfully but kept coming out in hives, as soon as we put him on formula they cleared up. I really beat myself up that I couldn't fed my DD and felt like I had failed her, she is 4 now, happy, healthy and advanced, so was never worried with my DS.

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Kittykat93 · 25/10/2018 14:09

Op what you're feeling is so normal. I won't lie, my boy is 12 months old and even I worry about him growing up, will he have a nice life, will he get bullied at school etc , and I feel ridiculous as these things are years and years away!

It's just because we care and they are our whole life now.

Take it easy, don't try to hold in your feelings just have a good cry when you need to Thanks

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FittonTower · 25/10/2018 14:07

Very normal to have extreme emotions imediately after birth but do keep an eye on yourself. PND can sneak up on you so talk about your feelings with people close to you and your midwife/hv etc. And in the longer term don't write off big changes to your personality or nature as "just being a mum". I had a traumatic birth with my second and i developed PTSD which took me a couple of years to recognise or deal with. It was a tough few years and i knew deep down i wasnt "right".
Just be kind to yourself x

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hodgeheg92 · 25/10/2018 14:00

Congratulations OP! I can add to the voices saying this is all completely normal. I think I cried at the drop of a hat for the first 3 months, I couldn't watch the news for worrying and every small task felt so hard to accomplish. But you will get there, it gets easier, your hormones balance out and you learn so much so quickly.

Give it a few weeks and if the worrying starts to control what you do (not going out for fear of something happening for example), then speak to your GP or HV.

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Fraula · 25/10/2018 13:59

*hormones!

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Fraula · 25/10/2018 13:59

Ignore anyone who says 'they grow up so fast, treasure every moment!' It adds pressure you don't need and it's also impossible! They do grow up, into lovely toddlers, little children and wonderful young people. You can enjoy things about each stage, not just the baby stage.

But yes... days 3 and 5 are emotional rollercoasters thanks to hornones!!

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PotteringAlong · 25/10/2018 13:57

Day 3-5. Sobfest with all 3 of mine. Completely normal. Congratulations on your baby Flowers

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spudlet7 · 25/10/2018 13:54

Normal! It's just a combination of your hormones settling and a natural reaction to a huge life event. It'll level out.

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5foot5 · 25/10/2018 13:54

Thanks all, I've never even heard of the baby blues?

Neither had I until about two days before I gave birth when the HV mentioned them on a routine visit. I listened politely but honestly didn't take it seriously because I thought "Oh I am sure that won't happen to me!"

Once they hit me and I couldn't stop crying I looked it up in the manual and thought "OK, now I know what it is I can rationalise this away and stop with all the daft crying". Ha! As if! It gradually wore off over the next few weeks.

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TeddybearBaby · 25/10/2018 13:28

I became obsessed with cot death. The midwife was amazing. Went above and beyond. She became my hero tbh. I’m not sure if it’s the same now but they would come to the house to see me / baby and then the health visitors took over.

Anyway I’d read a statistic about cot death and I wouldn’t let it drop. I remember her saying in her Irish accent ‘a great big boy like him?!’ She was so reassuring. She bought a human dummy along one week and showed me how to resuscitate if I needed to. She left me with it to practice as well 🙈. I’m still amazed she did all that for me. Looking back I was a wreck, I was obsessed with something happening to him / someone taking him. I kept on sobbing and saying ‘I just love him!!’

He’s 11 now and I still love him 😂😉 but he goes off on the bus with his mates and I’m not wailing anymore. Seriously though it did pass. I’ve always been over protective tbh but I’ve got better as time has gone by, it’s a lot to do with hormones and it all being so new.

Congratulations 💙

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IJustLostTheGame · 25/10/2018 13:00

Normal normal normal.
Don't bottle it up to yourself, talk about it. I found that helpful.
It will get better. The first few weeks are car crash after car crash.
It took five days for my milk to come in, and my birth wasn't as traumatic as yours. Keep going and don't be afraid to ask for help or make your own decisions.

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Flynnshine · 25/10/2018 12:57

I felt so incredibly hideous in the days following birth. I couldn't breastfeed, I was in pain from burst stitches and if someone had come along within those first few days and said, we can take your daughter away and everything can go back to how it was I would have snapped their hand off. I was MISERABLE!
Looking back I'm sad the first few days were so awful but they did pass and now I'm glad I didn't let a random stranger take my child! Flowers Give yourself a break you and your body have been through a huge shock and you have been given the task to keep a human being alive. You're bound to be overwhelmed! x

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Spanglyprincess1 · 25/10/2018 12:55

Congratulations! My birth wasn't as traumatic but was very very fast and cord round his neck/distress and three bad tares which needed surgery straight after. I was very much freaked out when I left hospital and couldn't sleep cause I was watching him breath and then crying. It's normal I think but keep an eye on it as I did get slight pnd which I sought help for.
Your baby is fine which is main thing and so are you! Enjoy him!

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SharpLily · 25/10/2018 12:51

And congratulations, btw! Flowers

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Nothisispatrick · 25/10/2018 12:51

Oh and I forgot to mention the breastfeeding trees. Milk can take longer to come in after a traumatic birth. We’ve now settled on a good routine of combi feeding as the breastfeeding was badly affecting my mental health.

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SharpLily · 25/10/2018 12:51

About three to four days after birth there is a massive hormonal situation happening. This is completely normal. In my case I remember being so happy - I had a good birth experience with a much wanted, healthy and beautiful baby, a wonderful husband, was so happy with my life but found I just couldn't stop crying. I'd been well informed that this would happen so I just went with it but oh God it was still awful! Grin

It will pass. Unfortunately a certain amount of worry and guilt is an absolutely standard part of motherhood too but you learn how to deal with it in time. If, on the other hand, a few weeks or months down the line you are not coping, do seek help. That also is completely normal.

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Nothisispatrick · 25/10/2018 12:49

Completely normal. I had a traumatic birth in September with DD needing resuscitation and chest compressions, then swept off to neo natal and I barely got to even touch her. I felt like death for a week afterwards, tearful, scared of something happening to her, exhausted. She’s three and a half weeks now and I feel so much better. Still worried all the time but I think that’s just parenting.

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DiaDiaB · 25/10/2018 12:45

Thank you everyone. I'm finding this really tough.

Why am I worried so much about him growing up? I'm worried I'll miss him being this small and it's making me enjoy my time with him less as I'm worried about him getting bigger. Is that ridiculous?

I'm just tired and emotional and feel completely weird. I just love him an overwhelmingly huge amount and can't seem to comprehend that...

OP posts:
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Sicario · 25/10/2018 00:06

Sending heaps of love to you. It's all normal, totally overwhelming, but do keep an eye on it and take care of yourself. And congratulations on your beautiful baby! You're doing brilliantly. Do reach out - this lovely community is right here for you.

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Clairenewbie · 25/10/2018 00:00

Yes it passes, those feelings are the worst, you done the crying for no reason yet? Not normal crying but the breakdown sobbing?
Just hormones going back to normal but nobody tells new mums about that part after having a baby. It usually goes away in a few days

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mouthkisses · 24/10/2018 23:50

Absolutely normal, but post birth 'normal' is a massive spectrum. If your feelings are hard to manage or you find yourself unable to eat or sleep, then definitely seek help. It doesn't mean anything is 'wrong' just that maybe your thoughts are more intense and unpleasant than most. Your traumatic birth will be playing a role but my lovely midwife told me some women are more susceptible to the massive drop in hormones too. Don't suffer.

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sourpatchkid · 24/10/2018 23:33

Day 5 is supposed to be one of the worst.

I cried about everything for about 6 months after DS was born but I knew I was alright - I'd say keep an eye on it but its really normal for now

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