To shout at 6yo DS for wetting the bed the 4th time in a week

DS never seems ashamed or embarrassed about this, but I've never made a big deal out of it. I think at the time, dealing with the practical stuff efficiently and being reassuring is the best thing. I understand it's difficult with the disturbed sleep though!

YABVVVU OP.

Your poor son 

I wet the bed until I was 15. Believe me it was not through choice or laziness. My mum, bless her had five of us who were bed wetters back in the day before automatic washing machines or tumble dryers. I don't ever remember her being cross with us. Yabvu.

YABU but you know this. I think it's good that kids aren't ashamed of it given there's naff all they can do to stop it.

Go back to basics, no drinks before bed and a trip to the loo before lights out and have a stack of clean sheets and spare duvet to hand.

Top tip Ive discovered you can get a thin cheapy 4 tog duvet in the washing machine and dryer with its cover on, they don't move much unless you've a massive drum so they don't get knotted up. So there's no need to be wrestling with covers and they are cheap enough to have two or three ready to go.

A (washable) blanket over the top of it's cold obv.

My ds is 9 and a half and wet three times a week at least.
He can’t help it so I don’t outwardly show it but it is frustrating sometimes - mainly all the laundry it creates.
He also can’t go on sleepovers or the school residential trip. He would likely be wet in an unfamiliar location.
I must admit I didn’t think I’d still be changing wet bed sheets three times a week nine years in but there you go. He doesn’t do it on purpose so there’s no point getting cross about it.

I think some people are using this as an excuse for a pile-in and to be as nasty as possible to someone they don't know.

I understand the frustration you felt at 3 in the morning after having already been woken several times that night and for several nights leading up to it.

Shouting isn't great and you already feel bad about that so I don't see the point in being as nasty as I can to make you feel even worse - is not going to achieve anything.

A plan of action would be to observe him: is he drinking more than normal? Is he more tired than normal? Is he weeing more often in general, not just through the night? If so, they might be signs of anything from a bog standard urine infection to something more serious like diabetes so you need to get him seen by a gp, which you've said several times already and been ignored by the frothing piler-onners. The other thing would be to have a word with him and with school andnd find out if there is actually any bullying going on or if he's happy in class with his work, his teacher, his attainment etc etc because unhappiness in school isn't always easily noticed and often manifests itself in other ways because children are good at hiding it.

if there is actually any bullying going on

his mum's bullying him.

I know you're saying its a pile on. But seriously - shouting at a 6 year old and expecting him to change his sheets in the middle of the night is abusive parenting. And this kind of abuse has very serious impacts on the child. It is not okay and there is no excuse.

If the OP thinks it might be because of bulling or other emotional abuse a good place to start might be to examine how she behaves - because if she's shouted at him for this then I imagine she's shouting at him for other things.

My dc suddenly started wedding themselves at a similar age. Turns out she had a urinary infection.

Apologise to your son and tell him you made a mistake shouting at him. Ask him to forgive you.

I would not rule out bullying just because your school is a village school.

My ds wet the bed regularly up to the age of 6 or 7.
It's hereditary and they can't help it. I remember it being rubbish having to change a wet bed but there is no point in losing it.

I agree - nasty bunch of perfect people on here.

All you are seeing is a 30 second snippet in to this person's life, a person who at that point was sleep deprived and completely exhausted.

For all you know she is usually a very loving Mum (and I assume she is given her son approached her confidently without the slightest hesitation), a child with uncaring/unloving parents would have probably been pretty shameful in his approach to letting her know he wet the bed.

YADBVVU to shout but I think you know that. My six year old hasnt managed to be dry overnight yet and still wears pull ups at night.

A regression in continence usually means something is wrong somewhere, or that a child is particularly tired for some reason, or that there has been q big change in some area. Just put him in pull ups until it passes. And if it doesn't pass, go to the doctor.

I wet the bed until quite a late age. Turns out it was a medical issue (irritable bladder/urgency) and I am on medication for this. My Mum was always very patient and understanding, although it must have been a complete pain in the arse for her!

Bullying certainly does happen at small village schools where everyone knows each other so please don't rule this out.

Also, my friend's DS who is 7 wets the bed occasionally and she says it always seems to be the start of him getting ill.

What we found with DD1 was that she wet the bed when she was really tired - I think she just got into such a deep sleep that. We could pretty much predict when it would happen (end of term etc).

Why should your DS feel embarrassed? He hasn't done it deliberately.

I agree with posters about the layering up of bedding. We just threw the top layer into the bath to deal with in the morning (a bit grim perhaps but at 3am I am not sorting out the washing machine!!).

Take him to the GP if you are worried. Even ask him to help you with the bed if you want him to take responsibility (not punishment! Just helping to fix his bed so he can go back to sleep). But please don't tell him off.

It's probably still normal for him to wet the bed at this age, but you can get alarms see //www.eric.org.uk which can help.

My nearly 6yo DS wet the bed recently. I had awoken and could hear him tossing and turning for ages beforehand, so I probably should have taken him to the toilet but I was too tired to. Shortly afterwards he woke needing the toilet and was clearly a bit panicked. I went to check if he was ok and could see he'd wet himself. I tried my best to whip his clothes off and change the bedsheets before he noticed. But I couldn't manage quick enough and he tried to put his wet pants back on and got very upset. I calmed him down, changed the sheets gave him fresh pjs and ran out to turn the washing machine on. By the time I got back to him, he was in his pjs and jumping up and down on his bed in a hyper mood.

It might have seemed like he was being naughty but knowing him, I could see that it was pure bravado covering his anxiety. He was seriously upset with himself for peeing in bed and desperately trying to shake it off. I was shattered but I humoured him for a few minutes and then cuddled up to him, I could feel that he was a ball of tension, so I just kept saying positive things and didn't so much as mention wetting the bed once throughout the whole process. You son's seeming nonchalance was probably an attempt to mask how awful he felt. I know how crap it is to be woken for several nights in a short period. My worst parenting moments have always been during sleep deprivation. But in the cold light of day try to recognise his nonchalance as what it most likely was, a way of coping with his own horror at himself.

For the last few nights I've made sure to take my DS out to pee before I go to sleep, so he doesn't need to go in the middle of the night. It's not ideal but it does the trick of letting us both have a full night's sleep.

I know this won't help stop it but have you heard of a brolley sheet, you get them off amazon and they go over the mattresses are cotton and hold a litre of liquid. So if it happens again all you need to do it remove this rather than the bedding they are brilliant, my ds wet the bed till he was 7 although he had been dry during the day since 2 1/2.

VV unreasonable but you know this. There can be all sorts of reasons why dc may go through a spate of bed wetting - for my dd it’s when she’s very tired / going through a period of change so end of first term of a new year of school is a classic time. Shouting isn’t going to help anyone and I’d be very very glad my dc wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed of something they couldn’t help.

As a practical tip, make the bed up with waterproof sheet, normal sheet, waterproof sheet, normal sheet. Have a spare made up duvet & pillow ready to go. Then it is a matter of moments to whip the top 2 sheets off, replace duvet & pillow if needed, everyone can get back to sleep.

I think after your updates you are getting a hard time. You get it, you were out of line but when you are tired you are not always rational.
I don’t think that because he doesn’t seem embarrassed that he doesn’t feel it, maybe he does and maybe he doesn’t.

Maybe try waking him at 11ish to go to the toilet and see if that helps at all? Children do regress at certain points and I think bed wetting would be pretty common you could always put one of the sheets under him (the sort you get for pregnancy that would soak up water) for the time being too

a practical tip, make the bed up with waterproof sheet, normal sheet, waterproof sheet, normal sheet. Have a spare made up duvet & pillow ready to go. Then it is a matter of moments to whip the top 2 sheets off, replace duvet & pillow if needed, everyone can get back to sleep

Or this. I do it with my toddler as she leaks her nappy

Hi Op,
I deal with enuresis. School nurses often have enuresis clinics and you can self refer in some areas or via GP.
That said we don't normally see under 7s in our area as it's not unusual especially in boys, not to produce enough of the hormone responsible under 7.
Agree with pp about check with GP and a good heart to heart gentle chat with ds to make sure there is not an underlying emotional issue.
In the meantime cut back on fizzy drinks and blackcurrant as they over stimulate the bladder, aim for water only if you can.
Try no drinks for two hours before bed, again if he does only water.
Then two wees before bed, the last one around 20 minutes before.
If you wake him to wee make sure he is awake enough to walk, do not carry him half asleep to sit on toilet and then put him back.
It could be a few weeks before this helps and it's what an enuresis clinic would ask you to do before moving on to alarms or medication.
Definitely check out the ERIC website.
Good luck.

Your later post mentioning extreme tiredness rang alarm bells for me.

The four T's of Type 1 Diabetes
Tired
Thirsty
Thinner
Toilet

Not necessarily in that order or presenting together but worth mentioning to GP and requesting urine/blood testing.

My DD bedwet for about 2 years but this also included daytime.

Took her to GP, talked to teachers, school nurses and tried what feels like a million things to try and stop the wetting.

Outwards there appeared to be no embarrassment nor upset. Unfortunately I can recall a few times I acted unreasonable - for which I felt terrible for. We are only human and it is good that you know you have acted unreasonable. No point dwelling in it as long as you have made amends.

The situation resolved at some point, I can never put my finger on why.

Anyway, my advice going forward?
Get to GP to rule out anything medical.
Waterproof sheets and plenty of spares.
Wetting is very common at this age but not talked about enough. Trust me.
GP, school nurse, health visitor and teachers all told me its not uncommon at all. Just not something some parents perhaps feel comfortable sharing with others on the playground I guess.