To just give up with bedtime for the 6yo?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

He’s always been terrible at sleeping in his own bed. We’ve happily coslept until about a year ago when he really got too big for it to be comfortable.

Now we have a sort of uneasy truce whereby one of us spends up to an hour reading and settling and sitting outside his room until he falls asleep. He always wakes up in our bed, which is fine.

DD is 13 and recently got a double bed. So now it’s 50/50 whether he wanders into ours or hers (she doesn’t mind at all). At the weekends she’s started having him in with her from the get go, they watch films (later bedtime at the weekend) and fall asleep with no drama. We’d said this is just for non school days because of some ingrained notion of it being better for them to sleep in their own beds, with a routine etc.

So I’ve sort of given up this evening. I’m tired and a bit blah and DH was working. dd asked if ds could sleep in her bed, I said that was fine, they trotted off upstairs at 8pm and that was that. DH finished work, we spent some time together, watched some tv and have now come to bed.

I honestly think this might be the way forward. Would we be shooting ourselves in the foot? I mean, he’ll learn to sleep in his own bed eventually, right?

DH’s only grumble is that when he’s in with DD he doesn’t end up in our bed at all and DH misses him .

WWBU to just say fuckit and let him share with DD, all the time she’s happy with it? It’s such a palaver otherwise, and is it really worth it?

[QueenAmongstMen]

Definitely let him sleep with your daughter!!!

[SD1978]

If it isn’t disturbing her, and she is sleeping well for school, and he is sleeping through the night, I’d say go for it. There is no one size fits all- you do what works in your household, and keeps everyone tested and happy. For others this would t be a suitable situation, and that’s fine. If everyone is happy with the arrangement though, go for it. Although on the understanding that if DD says sorry, I’ve had enough, that you guys make an alternative arrangment

[AnnabellaH]

Get him his own double bed?

[ethelfleda]

Your DD sounds lovely. Just wanted to say that

[Believeitornot]

The only thing would be whether he really was getting enough sleep. Depending what time he wakes, 8pm seems quite late. If he’s getting enough sleep then fine.

[BiglyBadgers]

I was a terrible sleeper when I was a child. I would always sneak into my older brothers or sister's beds in the night. I just don't like sleeping on my own and never have. As long as everyone is happy and sleeping I don't see a problem. You just might need to be aware that it might need managing if she decides she doesn't want him in with her anymore and he is upset.

[Juicyfruitloop]

That is very cute. The only issue is my nephew done this with his sister from 6, from parents to sister always a bad sleeper. He is 11 now and still has horrible anxiety about sleeping alone.

His mam has to spend an hour sometimes two or three hours, hanging about the landing, upstairs area until he falls asleep. It is killing her, if he is so dependent I'd try a special new bed and night light, put a month into getting him in his own bed.

Your just prolonging the inevitable with a anxious to sleep child.

[BiglyBadgers]

8pm seems quite late

Really? I don't know any 6yos who go to bed much before than. I wish mine went to bed by 8. Unfortunately she has my terrible sleep genes apparently.

[Sirzy]

As long as your daughter is happy with the arrangement and knows that at any point she can say “no more” and that will be the case then I don’t see the issue with it.

[Believeitornot]

Yes 8pm does seem late - this isn’t when the dc goes to sleep, it’s when he goes up to bed! That’s possibly why he takes so long to settle. Mine take ages to sleep when it’s too late and they piss about as a result.

My 6 year old is usually asleep by 8pm. If we leave it later, she gets wound up and then can take ages. If we put her to bed earlier then she sleeps much better.

[TheSunIsFar]

Well with your DD being 13 - I can't imagine her wanting to share with him for long so maybe it would be bad for him to stay there for a year and then be evicted (so to speak).

Perhaps try getting him a double bed?

To be fair I was actually thinking the other day that I don't like sleeping alone when my husband isn't here but yet we expect our little kiddies to do it. Maybe moving his bed into your DD's room is a compromise?

I would also very highly recommend a strict bedtime routine!

[mummymeister]

Its great because its working at the moment but its not a long term solution really is it.

I think you have to spend the next couple of years finding out what that long term solution is. at 6 I guess there haven't been many sleepovers with friends or school trips so if you want him to take full advantage of the fun opportunities you need really to be finding a way forward with this.

your daughter is lovely but in a couple of years time this isn't really going to be something she will find acceptable I would have thought.

[AnachronisticCorpse]

He doesn’t like sleeping alone, which tbf neither do I.

If he goes up any earlier he doesn’t settle at all, but he was asleep by 8.10 last night.

I think we’ll fo with it for now while everyone’s happy.

He’s actually had several sleepovers and loved them, because he’s in a room with his friend/cousin etc.

[AnachronisticCorpse]

He wakes up at 7 so he’s getting 11hrs or so.

And yes, DD is a darling.

[MrTrebus]

I just think don't fight it! Definitely there are times to really parent like really parent your arse off and be in charge etc. But with this it's not hurting anyone, everyone is happy and sleeping well and it won't last forever so for now it's good. Go for it!

[BiglyBadgers]

Yes 8pm does seem late - this isn’t when the dc goes to sleep, it’s when he goes up to bed! That’s possibly why he takes so long to settle. Mine take ages to sleep when it’s too late and they piss about as a result.

His sleeping seems about the same as my dd. If I put her to bed earlier she just lies their wriggling for hours. She goes to sleep when she goes to sleep and all the strict bedtime routines and adjusting bedtimes in the world have never changed it and never will. Kids are different and routine and bedtimes that work for one don't always work on another. Your late bedtime is someone else's unimaginably early one.

[Seeline]

At 13 your DD is going to want her privacy very soon - if not already. One night OK but every night? That would be a no in my book.

I agree that 8 seems late for a 6yo. My DCs were in bed at about 7 and asleep fairly soon after at that age.

I also think that 8pm is very early for a 13yo. My DD normally goes up at about 9, with lights out by 9.30. She is usually still doing homework up until 8.30 ish. I really can't see how the same bedtime for an 8yo and a 13yo is going to work long term.

I think you really should be working on your DS to be sleeping on his own in his own bed.

[Believeitornot]

@BiglyBadgers well the last time I checked, I’m entitled to give my opinion as you are yours.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

Your kids sound adorable! I'd give it a trial. You've got nothing to lose!

[juddyrockingcloggs]

DH’s only grumble is that when he’s in with DD he doesn’t end up in our bed at all and DH misses him .

I know this feeling! Our son is 6 too, he is a good sleeper, goes to sleep in his own bed at about 7.30ish but he will always and I mean always roll out of his bed at about midnight and get into our bed, straight to sleep again until about 7.30 the next morning! We have absolutely no issue with this except when he stops out at one of his grandparents houses for the night and then we miss him! It's like there is a void!

I can't give you any advice on what to do as we've never tried to make him stop in his own bed but another vote for your DD being lovely!

[BiglyBadgers]

@BiglyBadgers well the last time I checked, I’m entitled to give my opinion as you are yours

And the last time I checked I didn't say you weren't. I was just pointing out that a child going to bed after 8 is neither unusual nor is it necessarily bad, whatever you may find with your own children.

[Believeitornot]

Ironically you’ve done the same. Based on your dd it must be ok then. And you do it so rudely too.

We give our opinions. I wasn’t commenting on yours so why act as if I was...

FFS

[BiglyBadgers]

Well, that escalated quickly.

[Olympiathequeen]

Sounds an ideal solution. If everyone is getting a good nights sleep just do it

[MsHarry]

Do what works for you. I was more rigid about these things and that worked for us. I would say though that your DD might not like this at say 16 and if you really want to crack this you can but you need to see it through.