Happy fucking birthday to me

[Anaffaquine123]

AIBU to be pissed off? My h, not dh right now, went out yesterday afternoon for work drinks. I did stuff with the kids. It was hot, they found it difficult to get to sleep and ended up in our bed with me. The three year old performing bloody somersaults, kicking me in the head. I had very little sleep. I was either putting them back to bed like boomerangs or being kicked in the head.
H gets home at 3:30am and says, "what? I'm home aren't i. It isn't even late!"
I rolled my eyes too knackered to respond.
He grabs my pillow and tries to get me to go through to the spare room with him for sex. I say no, I'm shattered, he reeks of booze and is drunk. He told me to, "fuck off" then collapsed onto the bed snoring loudly.
I move him to spare room, away from the kids.
6:30 - the kids are up and full of beans. I'm up have given them breakfast. The older one is upset because she doesn't know where my present is to give to me.
8:30 and he still won't get up and hasn't given them the presents to give to me. I now have two sad kids who want to give me a brilliant birthday and I am exhausted.
I suppose I will have to just suck it up when he does finally decide to get up for the kids sake. I want them to be able to give me my present as they wish. I think they have made me something! After that though, I'm taking the kids out and he isn't welcome today.
To top it all, yesterday was our 20th anniversary too.
Most of the time my h is lovely and thoughtful. Every so often he acts like an arsehole though. If I say anything I'm apparently just nagging.
Happy fucking birthday to me.

[SherbrookeFosterer]

Park your thoughts, but you are not in a good place, alas.

I hope it all gets better for you.

[AdalindSchade]

Getting in at 6/7 probably means an alcohol or drug problem rather than an OW

[Huskylover1]

How is 3.30am "not late"??

I was wondering this also! If his "normal" is getting in at say, 6/7am, I would think there is OW somewhere actually. Which would explain his avoidance of an anniversary dinner.

[Thesingingtoad]

Not a stalker I promise, but I think I remember you from someone else's threads and aren't your IL's shitty to you - maybe when your Dh is drunk he reverts to learned behaviour from his family.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Exactly Morris, that is not fun at all. I would leave him with the kids and go out myself, providing he is in reasonable condition.

[StormTreader]

How is 3.30am "not late"??

[MorrisZapp]

Hiphop, do you think the dh will be happy or upset to have a night at home to himself?

[MorrisZapp]

I'm glad you enjoyed your birthday in the end, but in general I hate threads that say 'take the kids and have a lovely day without him!' because that's exactly what he wants.

Oh no! Jackie and the kids have gone out to have a fun trip to the museum and a delicious lunch without me, and I'm stuck here in an empty house alone all day!

Said no hungover husband ever.

[Leapfrog44]

Book a nice hotel with the kids and spend an evening watching Harry Potter on a king sized bed and eating crisps. Don't invite him.

[Huskylover1]

He is sending you VERY clear messages here.

1. Your Anniversary means nothing (he missed it).
   

1. Your birthday means nothing (he missed it).
   

I am astonished actually, that anyone could be so utterly vile to their partner. Not only that, you don't feel that what he did was that bad, so I'm guessing he's probably awful most of the time, and you are just used to it.

for you. Happy Birthday. Time to re-evaluate this relationship, I think. Unless you fancy being told to Fuck off on your next anniversary.

This was actually so horrible, I initially wondered if it was a wind up.

[SpicedGingerTea]

Oh Ana what an arse. Glad to hear you had a happy birthday in the end though, but I wouldn't tolerate that ever again!

Happy belated birthday to you!

[cheval]

While he is asleep and If there are funds or a card in his wallet, tell kids, daddy is tired and asked me to take you out for a spot of breakfast/lunch and then to choose me a nice present or two at nearby shops. What fun we will have! Then when we are home, we can show him the lovely, preferably, expensive gifts we have bought lovely, kind, patient, mummy. He frigging well deserves it.

[LML83]

That's awful. Seems he is remorsful. You will know if this is an isolated incident you can forgive.

I would be livid but with a decent apology that I believed I could forgive.

[DearMrDilkington]

pud2 you have really low standards if you wouldn't leave someone after they treated you like this.

Imagine how horrible it would be for a drunk man in the street to keep pestering you to have sex with him, then aggressively swears at you when you said no.

Why is it fine for someone who is meant to love you to treat you like this, but not a stranger?

[DearMrDilkington]

He sounds abusive and horrible. He isn't lovely,caring or thoughtful.

Do you want your daughters to end up with someone that comes home drunk in the early hours of their birthday, who then aggressively asks them for sex then swears at them when they say no?

Clearly not, so why is that good enough for you?

[Pud2]

I don't think this is grounds to break up or divorce!! Sounds like he just overdid it and his timing was crap. I'd make him feel guilty for a bit longer but no more than that. I'm sure that if OP says he's usually lovely and thoughtful then he probably is.

[Purplealienpuke]

Sexual aggression (telling you to fuck off when you said no) whilst drunk is a huge red flag for me.
Please think very carefully Ana. What are you prepared to forgive? .....

[user1495656648]

what an absolute prick! I'd be preparing divorce papers for his next birthday if that happened to me. Its not good for the children either seeing him treat their mum like that

[GabsAlot]

anyon can book a spa without acting like a twat aswell

fine if u said wa ok to go out on your annivesary but to come hom drunkand do that is unforgiveable

[Anaffaquine123]

It was a work thing that he was out for. I'd said it would be fine but that I did want to do something as a family on my birthday. It was 20 years since our first date not our wedding, although we usually mark it as we took years to actually get married.
Funnily enough he has booked me into a spa with my sister as a present and a couple of DVD box sets that I really wanted. It is just very disappointing that he got so bloody drunk and can't just say to his mates, "I've had enough, I'm off home because it is Ana's birthday in the morning."
A bit pathetic really. He didn't harass me for sex too much but I really didn't appreciate being sworn at. He has been told.

[BewareOfDragons]

Happy Birthday. I'm glad you had a lovely time with your girls and sister.

Your H is an arse and a half. I would tell him how hurt, disappointed and angry you are tomorrow and that his behaviour is forcing to re-evaluate your entire relationship and whether it's sustainable. Massively disrespectful and thoughtless behaviour on his part means you really have to wonder why you would want to spend another 20 years with him... let him think on that. And then go out for the day tomorrow.

Good luck.

[MissCommunication]

Dragonfly makes a good point. Yup don't want a shag so you can fuck off. Charming all round I'd say.

Hope your day going better now x

[pinkunicornsarefluffy]

Oh Ana I'm sorry he was such a knob and ruined your birthday :(

I'm glad you had a lovely day with your sister though.

Hopefully he will make it up to you once he realises what a prize prick he has been.

[AdaColeman]

Glad to hear Ana that you were able to rescue your Birthday with the help of your girls and sister, I bet you had some fun and laughter with them!
Hope today has been better for you, and that your DH (!) has shaped himself, grovelled a lot and cooked dinner at the very least.

[Lovingit81]

Glad you had a lovely birthday with your girls and your sis I think u need to have a think about your relationship. I don't know anyone who would think this is acceptable, he has behaved appallingly to you. So sorry x