My mum and dad moved down to live near me three years ago unfortunately a year later my mum died of cancer. Since then my dad who is a social recluse and didn't know anyone in the area has found a lady friend. The lady lived opposite him but had to move due to her getting divorced. My dad has decided that he too is moving house to follow her and going to the same village about a 25 minute drive instead of 5. He told me that the relationship is just a platonic friendship but not according to the prescription on his fridge, again I don't mind bu t why lie. I have no issue with him having a girlfriend I think it's great. What I'm upset about is his total withdrawal from my life and my children's life they are five and seven and hardly ever see their grandad and are both upset because they think he doesn't like them anymore.
My dad is 76 and his lady friend is in her early 50s she has a 13-year-old daughter and I guess I'm a bit jealous that I ring him and he's been putting up shelves in her bedroom, buying wardrobes etc with her when I'm thinking why aren't you coming to see me.
That's only part of it I'm upset at the lack of honesty. He booked a holiday for all three of them but didn't tell me till after I'd found out. We have asked him so many times to come with us on holiday. I used to invite him round for dinner at least twice a week and he says no. I used to ask him to babysit and if he didn't forget and not turn u. I would ring him to remind him and he would say 'oh I was hoping you were going to cancel'. My husband and I have no other family near us, husband is often away with work and I am on my own a lot. I go and see him but he never comes round, or helps. He is a spritely 76 and young for his age and there is a massive gap where my mum should be that I thought maybe he would try and fill a little bit but he has withdrawn totally.
He's been inadvertently hurtful in other ways. I was supposed to get all my mum's belongings and I've ended up with a box of pots and pans and her wedding ring as he's taken everything to a charity shop. I wanted to make my children little keepsake cushions out of some of her clothes but by the time I found out he'd got rid of them it was too late. I just got on with it and put it down to his way of dealing with her death. Recently as he's moving house he's been getting rid of other stuff and I was really (probably irrationally upset) to find out he had donated her bike to a charity shop on Thursday. I texted him back to find out where and he said it had already been sold and made a joke about if he'd known it would sell that quickly he would have advertised it himself. On Friday night I woke up at 1.30am and was so upset and angry I couldn't get back to sleep.
The othe trouble is as he is making profit from the house my mum put a clause on her will. He spends money like water and has already gone through their not inconsiderable savings already. My mum knew what he was like and put her half into a trust. She adjusted her will three days before she died and it isn't as she told me and my dad. My dad knows this and I know this in our heart of hearts but because he will end up with more money he is saying to me 'well that is what she signed' so we have to accept it. I've told him I'll contest it but I don't think he's bothered and in reality I can't afford to.
Sorry for ranting but the bottom line is he has no clue as to how upset I am over all this. I keep my emotions to myself and berate myself for being selfish and too sensitive. What should I do? I can't talk to him as I find it too emotional, should I say nothing and stew in my own mess while he remains oblivious or should I write him a letter? He is due to exchange on his house tomorrow so should I just leave it?
Thanks for reading this long post.
AIBU?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
AIBU to be upset with my Dad?
11 replies
Pinky14 · 16/07/2017 22:30
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
16/07/2017 22:35
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.