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AIBU?

To ignore his mum

70 replies

Christinedonna · 14/07/2017 14:24

For a bit of background (I don't want this thread to be about him)
Me, OH and DD were living at OHs mums. I fell pregnant and OH asked me and DD to leave as I refused to have an abortion.
His mum sobbed when I told her, we packed up our stuff and left.
I KNOW his mum hasn't said anything to him about this, they've carried on as normal and now she sends me videos of her face every morning and every night "MORNING (DD) nanny loves you, be good for mummy mwa mwa mwa" or "GOODNIGHT MY DARLING, have a good sleep love you lots MWA MWA MWA" she literally kisses the camera and I've never cringed so much in my life she tries to ask about my pregnancy and has half invited herself to scans/appointments. AIBU to be pissed off with her? She hasn't said a word to her son about how he's acted or the fact that we're not there because of him. No disappointment shown or voiced and she expects me to be fine with her. I understand it's her son but you have to be pretty heartless to NOT say anything to him or let her feelings be known about this? It just makes me feel (about the pregnancy more than DD) you chose to support him in having nothing to do with this and have left me to do it alone, so that's that. Its my thing now and it feels like rubbing salt in the wound to ask me about it and pretend me and her are friends or that I'm not upset with her when I feel betrayed!

OP posts:

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ittakes2 · 16/07/2017 08:10

It sounds like she is trying to stay in contact with you - which surely must be a good thing. I'm sorry I know you are in a difficult position but if she cut you off I think that would be much worst.

Christinedonna · 15/07/2017 21:59

And olenna like I said I have not made it hard for him to see DD. He sees her twice a week on his days off, he doesn't have to pre arrange this with me or make sure she's available in advance, that is arranged and in place and I'm more than happy for her to see him. My daughter is not stuck in the middle of anything

OP posts:

Christinedonna · 15/07/2017 21:57

I'm sorry that you're incapable of anything other than judgment milo. You clearly aren't here to offer advice as all you're doing is judging me by previous threads.
It's not that I wouldn't have sex with him for months, he wouldn't come anywhere near me and refused my attempts. It wasn't my choice. When I had no children yes all I wanted was children. When I had a 10mo DD in a shitty relationship I did not anymore, I'm not a crazy sperm grabber. I was taken back by him making a move and it blew me away and it happened and I didn't think about contraception in that second. Shoot me. This thread was not about him or contraception or mistakes I've made. Thanks for the judgment but I think you've said all you can
waves goodbye

OP posts:

kali110 · 15/07/2017 20:16

mygorgeousmilo

mygorgeousmilo · 15/07/2017 19:13

Except you didn't have sex with him for months (exact same amount of months as being on the pill), but have sex with him when you come off of the pill. It seems as if you are only interested in getting pregnant, particularly when reading your other threads. If I am in a hypothetical relationship, my partner and I agree on condoms, he says he's put one on when we are having sex - a few weeks later I'm pregnant and he says "oh, the other week I didn't actually wear a condom". I would go absolutely nuts. Your previous threads are very relevant because they indicate that you have been TTC since you were 19 and were desperately trying to get pregnant even outside of being in any kind of relationship. That's fine and everything, but it puts this situation into clearer context. I'm seeing it as, you're both very young, been living with your parents and then his mum. When he asked you to leave he still has taken responsibility for his child and didn't throw you out on the streets, you went back to your parents. I am seeing it in this way - you withheld information because you wanted to be pregnant. He really, really doesn't want another child and was furious with your behaviour. He ended the relationship knowing you'd have somewhere safe to continue to live, and would be happy to support you and DC.

OlennasWimple · 15/07/2017 12:56

Saying you "don't wnat to make it easy" for your ex to see DD makes it sound as if you are deliberately witholding her in order to punish him. Which I understand, except that your DD is caught up in the middle of all this, and is also missing out on time with her father and grandmother that she used to have frequently. It's not DD's fault and it seems a shame that she should lose out unecessarily.

Lulu1083 · 15/07/2017 12:49

Sorry if it came across as that's what I was implying Christine, but you have to admit he thought one thing when the opposite was true and he must have been upset to find this out?

Lulu1083 · 15/07/2017 12:47

The OP moved back in with her parents to where they had both been living previously while she waits for her new place so it's hardly throwing her and her daughter out on the street either is it?

Christinedonna · 15/07/2017 12:46

I understand where you're coming from but it wasn't intentional, I didn't intentionally trick him into getting me pregnant and believe me I didn't want to get pregnant.

OP posts:

Lulu1083 · 15/07/2017 12:42

Gina the OP said herself that things hadn't been better than the last few weeks so not separated.
Not telling your partner that you're stopping birth control and having unprotected sex with him when he's doing so under false assumptions is awful. Then being surprised when he doesn't want the resulting pregnancy, wants to split up and the result is the OP has to leave the house they were living in which is his mums. If someone had done that to my son I wouldn't be too impressed either.

kali110 · 15/07/2017 12:07

Yes but if he's in a relationHip with the op and she's been on the pill, you would expect her to tell him she was no longer on it.
I would never do that to my my dh.
I can understand why he is so upset. Now he may never have a good relationship with this child.

GinaFordCortina · 15/07/2017 11:37

I feel you have sex with a woman you risk pregnancy. Especially if you aren't together and haven't discussed contraception.

God forbid he wear a condom- for his own safety if nothing else if they'd been separated

GinaFordCortina · 15/07/2017 11:30

It's not up to her to tell him off and make him behave.

It's up to her to not let him kick people out of her house

GinaFordCortina · 15/07/2017 11:29

So yanbu

GinaFordCortina · 15/07/2017 11:29

I'd tell my shitty bastard son to get out and keep gc (and their mum) in my home

RedSkyAtNight · 15/07/2017 11:24

OP what exactly do you want your MIL to do? You've stated you don't want her to disown her son, which would be the logical conclusion of her agreeing that he's treating you appallingly I doubt very much whether she is going be able to talk your ex round into reconciling with you (and I doubt you want that anyway). So whether she is simply staying out of it or having quiet words that you don't know about, all she is trying to do is maintain a relationship with her DGC

Neverknowing · 15/07/2017 11:24

This arsehole didn't just kick the op out, he kicked his own daughter out and his mother allowed it.

Neverknowing · 15/07/2017 11:22

Wow gosh. Let's stop blaming the op for getting pregnant?! She's here for support. Support of a totally different issue!!
Op. I'd ignore her she's raised an arsehole and she's allowing and even worsening his behaviour. I'd tell her as such and continue with your life.

kali110 · 15/07/2017 11:05

Sorry op but if you're on cerelle yes you should try to take at the same time, but as long as you don't leave 12 hours in between you're fine.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 15/07/2017 10:16

You know you don't have to answer the phone to your ex's partner, right? If you feel three times a day is too much (and yes, it really is, even if she does miss her dgd), you can just press reject call. Give yourself some space.

mygorgeousmilo · 15/07/2017 09:56

I'm not throwing anything in your face, it just doesn't add up. Your previous threads are right there for anyone to see. What I'm trying to establish is, did your own behaviour have an impact on this situation, and if it did or didn't - either way it's not really your MIL's problem.

SerfTerf · 15/07/2017 09:47

It's not up to her to tell him off and make him behave.

Christinedonna · 15/07/2017 09:31

What threads?? When DD was a month old so almost 10 months ago we split up for a month because he was trying to sleep with other girls. Only time we've broke up and yes I've been through VERY shit stages in my life before thank you for throwing that in my face. I wasn't trying to get pregnant by anyone. I had fertility issues and wasn't using contraception because I thought i couldn't get pregnant. Ps I haven't slept with a lot of people by anyone's standards so I don't appreciate you making it sound like I was jumping from bed to bed trying to get a baby. I also don't know what house you're talking about. We lived with my family then his while saving for our own place

OP posts:

mygorgeousmilo · 15/07/2017 09:28

So he didn't know you'd stopped taking the pill ^^

mygorgeousmilo · 15/07/2017 09:27

But in your previous threads you had broken up for quite a while, and also had been trying to get pregnant with anyone at all (with no contraception)because you were so keen to be pregnant. So my point is not to nitpick at you, but just to be clear on how this all actually played out. What happened to your own place that you were living in when you were broken up - until this happened?

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