To be pissed off at DH?

[Meowstro]

This morning I came down stairs to cook breakfast, was in a really good mood despite lack of sleep and thought I'd cook for DH before he goes off to work. I find him on the sofa, startled, with his trousers undone and holding his phone. He looks a bit embarrassed so I assume he's watching porn which we are agreed we are fine with. As I'm heavily pregnant, really uncomfortable at the moment and don't have an issue with him watching porn, I tell him to carry on and I'd get out of his way whilst he does what he needs to because soon he'll be losing his ability to do that openly.

I go upstairs and watched a bit of a TV show. When next I look at the clock, I realise he's gone off to work without so much as a goodbye!? He had a whole 40 minutes before he needed to leave for work when I caught him.

AIBU to be pissed off and to bring it up when he gets home? I can't work out if it's my hormones and I'm overreacting or it's genuinely rude of him to just sod off like that after I've given him that space?

[Jayfee]

Poor bloke was probably embarrassed.

[Meowstro]

Yes, I'm here to liberate all! I thought I could be quite closed minded but some of the reactions have been a real shock here on MN, it kind of derailed my AIBU.

[MissionItsPossible]

Completely agree with your latest porn sermon post Meowstro but now wondering whether the thread was just an excuse to push a wanking to porn freely on a sofa agenda

[Alconleigh]

Catching them fumblingly knocking one out on the sofa, trousers half mast, to a phone no less, before work? How....lowering. And I say that as someone who has no problem with mastubation. That's just so.....tawdry though.

[Meowstro]

Chickenagain Not that I feel it really contributes but he was dressed as he'd been out already to get some bits in from the shop. I assume he had time to spare before work and I wasn't awake (or so he thought). It had been a month without sex and as my OP suggests I don't mind. It sounds like you go to great lengths to woo yourself beforehand and whilst that's nice sometimes, a quick wank can be delightful and start the day off nicely. Each to their own.

Goingtobeawesome I had the fan on with the bedroom door closed and he called up this morning funnily enough and I couldn't hear until he came in and repeated it. I only mentioned it causally and he'd have apologised if he hadn't tbh.

[Meowstro]

I get people not liking porn or having a view of it based on limited knowledge. If I had a quick look at a porn website I'd probably be quite shocked, I usually read erotica and when I do watch porn I do notice the videos of the main website but that's not what I watch. It's like someone watching TV for the first time, seeing the Kardashian's and thinking that's what TV is all like. We have documentaries just like we have sensual porn and 'how to' videos.

My view on porn is that aside from mainstream porn, there are people that choose to do amateur or user uploaded porn as they might actually like sex and the money they can earn from it is a plus. Women can enjoy sex, we're not all victims and I think power to the people that are making money from it. Not everyone is coerced but the fact some people are is certainly horrible but you could say that about people trafficked to work here for low wages, boycotting a whole industry just seems mad - what next, no takeaways, beauty salons, fruit, etc., at all? You have to make sure you're savvy and not directly supporting a video or overly seedy site (believe it or not, some focus on ethics more than others) and I feel you can really tell when someone is genuinely enjoying something or whether it's seedy. There is also female friendly porn which isn't as degrading from what I've seen but can't comment on how they got into it.

I feel like although porn has brought about a lot of problems by the way it can be shared but it has been around for decades, children would watch stuff they found in decades before and show it to friends. I know from speaking to a grandparent that they'd seen some stuff in their time before the internet! Surely monitoring internet usage as much as possible and talking to your children about the reality of sex is important. Just the same as talking to your children about beauty or weight ideals from magazines.

[MissionItsPossible]

but the trouble with filmed porn is that a lot of people ^are forced into it, for any number of reasons. I'm not going to shame anyone, but personally I find it a bit of a turn off knowing that the woman on the screen may well have been trafficked, drugged, who knows what before become a set of orifices.*

I don't agree but understand completely that women can be coerced and forced into it and that's not on at all. Maybe because there's so many types of porn. there's a big difference between a married couple filming themselves having sex and uploading a home video online for people to enjoy than someone being paid to have sex and being treated roughly than the norm. But then also what about female run porn with women dominating men? Is that demeaning too or is everyone involved happy and getting off? I think people put a lot of shame on porn and think "oh poor them, they have to rely on having sex for money for the enjoyment of other people" and yes, if they have been forced or intimidated into it then it is horrible but they are doing what people do on a daily basis around the world

[NoLoveofMine]

In my opinion much of mainstream pornography and the majority which is being viewed routinely by many children is incredibly demeaning towards women and is contributing to a worrying view of women and girls and making some girls feel they have to go along with things they're not comfortable with due to it being presented as standard.

[tigercub50]

Keep seeing the term " pearl clutching" & wondered where it came from 🙂

[MyheartbelongstoG]

YABU.

[RiverTam]

Mission but the trouble with filmed porn is that a lot of people ^are* forced into it, for any number of reasons. I'm not going to shame anyone, but personally I find it a bit of a turn off knowing that the woman on the screen may well have been trafficked, drugged, who knows what before become a set of orifices.

[Motoko]

Not all porn is demeaning. The Suicide Girls videos are good, and there are now a few women directing and producing porn.

[NoLoveofMine]

Pornography to me is a different issue to the specific situation the OP posted about. I find pornography very worrying as so much of it depicts aggressive behaviour towards and the demeaning of women, which is now seen as mainstream and normal by people who view it from such a young age. The view of women and girls and the environment we're now growing up in largely contributed to by pornography is very troubling.

[MissionItsPossible]

And in fact stop shaming people for liking porn or doing porn anyway if you think it is isn't ethical. Unless someone is forced into doing it which of course is wrong then it's just nature

[MissionItsPossible]

Intrigued by the ethical porn OP...

Amateur porn? Made by couples and uploaded online of their own accord because they find it hot.

[Chickenagain]

Just checked - I'm not a prude, but prefer a nice soapy shower or somewhere a bit more private. So he got up, got dressed, then rather then bring his heavily pregnant wife a cuppa, thought he'd just bang a quick one out on the sofa.....
So glad I don't have some people's lives

[Goingtobeawesome]

Is it possible he was shouting and you didn't hear? No point blaming yourself when it's not your fault.

[SloeGinRocks]

And stop sitting on the fence bluntness!

[SloeGinRocks]

Intrigued by the ethical porn OP...

[Bluntness100]

Bwahahahaha at all the "outraged prudes" versus the " yeah I'm totally good with my husband watching porn and wanking on the sofa before work" brigade.

As you were.

[SloeGinRocks]

The porn element would fuck me off incidentally.... But the OP stated she's fine with it... so potato / potata IMO...

[SloeGinRocks]

Ok have to ask now sorry...but do none of your DH's not wank in front of you ever? When you don't want to have sex for e.g.?

[QuimJongUn]

Well, I'd divorce him for supporting the porn industry and seeing nothing wrong with the way women are treated as objects but I'm obviously not a "cool wife" like everyone on this thread

Clearly I'm seriously uncool too

[RiverTam]

What the fuck, deluded??

[youaredeluded]

Probably paying some woman online for videochat. Poor baby and poor you. Sounds grim as fuck.