Hating work and need help :(

[Sostreesedoutrightnow]

Evening all,

Apologies but long time user who has name changed and posted fir traffic

Not sure anyone can help but need to vent as can't talk to anyone in real life. I work in an incredibly stressful job, however this job is affecting all aspects of my life.

I can't sleep at night due to the stress I feel. I don't enjoy life and wish I could quit, but can't as we are so dependent on my money as I am the higher earner. My partner feels so guilty that I am feeling this way but we can't afford to drop salary and it's the only thing I am qualified in. I haven't been entirely honest about how much it is affecting me.

I know I am good at what I do but have so much self doubt but think this is due to exhaustion. I miss family gatherings and time with my young children.

There has been so much sad news in the press recently that has made me think that life is too short and needs to be lived, however I am just existing. I feel trapped and see no way out

[HundredMilesAnHour]

I was in a similar position to you earlier this year. I was under massive pressure at work (but that's normal for my type of work - and obviously you get paid a premium for it) but it increased when I was asked to take on even more work. I was doing the job of 3 people and working 14-16 hours/day with no breaks plus working some of each weekend too. I escalated to my management but they ignored me. I escalated to my client but she just kicked off about the other 2 jobs I was doing and how I shouldn't be coming in to work for her exhausted from the other work I have to do for my employer. It was horrendous. My hair was falling out and I felt backed into a corner. I tried looking for another job but the job market was dire (thanks Brexit!) and it was impossible to get time away from work to speak to recruiters let alone interview! In the end, driving home from my client's one Friday night and I seriously thought about driving my car into the wall of a tunnel I was driving through. It felt like killing myself was the only way to make the stress and constant demands on me stop. I knew then I was in serious trouble. So I signed myself off sick for a week with stress hoping that would give me and my employer time to resolve it. It didn't. My employer was awful and just put pressure on me to come back. They had no interest in supporting me or making any adjustments. I ended up staying off sick longer than a week after I saw my GP and burst into tears on her and went down the formal grievance/legal route with my employer.

A few months down the road, I have left that employer and am just about to start a new job in a related field with a new employer. It will still be pressured (which I like! I work best under pressure) but it's only 1 job (rather than 3!) and there will be much more work/life balance. It means taking a hefty £20k paycut but it will be worth it to get my life (and hair!) back.

OP please feel free to PM me if you think I can help support you.

[Sostreesedoutrightnow]

Thank you all. Unfortunately doing less hours is not an option as everyone who has tried this has just been given same amount of work in those less hours. I think ultimately it's the huge amount of responsibility with no support. It's also the sheer lack of work life balance. Some of this is my fault as I want to do the best job I can. I will talk to partner tonight as children are so young and they need a happy mum

[Foureyesarebetterthantwo]

It's not going to go down well, though, is it, when you go off sick or start crying in the office through sheer overwork. The costs of saying nothing may be too high.

I understand the desire to say nothing and just hope you can cope, but unless you start talking honestly with your partner, and honestly with at least someone in the industry (doesn't have to be your boss at this stage), the danger is you are feeling worse and worse on your own managing this stuff.

There may be more than one solution that could make work better for right now as well as change it in the long-term.

[Sostreesedoutrightnow]

It's the job MaverickSnoopy. It wouldn't matter who I was working for. I think I'm so good at pretending I'm coping that I keep getting asked to do more tasks. I can't speak to manager as in this role that would not go down well. Thank you for your reply

[MaverickSnoopy]

What aspects of your job are so stressful? What causes you so much stress and what aspects do you dislike the most?

Would it be as bad with a different company? Do you want an entirely different career or a new company?

You do have the power to change this. It just might take a while.

[Sostreesedoutrightnow]

Thank you to you all. You have given me lots to think about

[DoubleHelix79]

I was in a similar situation a few years ago - felt totally burnt out and had my resignation letter typed up. My boss persuaded me to take on a different role that used a very similar skillset but offered a slightly different focus and working environment. I'm still in that role and really enjoy it. The move also made sense as it allowed me to follow a (for me) more attractive careerpath.

Are you in a situation where you could have an open discussion about your role, and perhaps give it a different focus? Unless your job is one where it's very difficult to make adjustments I wouldn't just assume that there is no flexibility. This cones with potential risks of curse, I'd only do this if you trust your boss.

[yorkshapudding]

I felt very much like this in my old career. I re-trained to do something completely different but that was still a good use of my skills. I had to take a pay cut initially but the alternative was to keep going and head towards a complete breakdown.

If you can't afford to change jobs at the moment could you look at reducing your hours?

[beautifulgirls]

The next step is being honest with yourself and those who are close to you. They will not judge you, they will want to support you. They may not have the answers but they can be there for you which makes everything just that bit easier. You should also go to your GP and talk things through, get professional advice about the best way to be helped through this whether by medication and/or counselling.

Consider what would happen if you left your job tomorrow - would there be other opportunities, how easy would it be to get another similar job with your experience and location? Sometimes it is hard to see the positive in a big step like this but the difference can be huge on your quality of life. Better support at work, less pressure because of a difference in the work being done or the ethic of the workplace you are in can make or break a job. Give some serious thought to looking elsewhere. It is a big big step and the changes involved can seem like a lot of hassle to go through really but the right job can certainly justify it all.

Most of all be kind to yourself. You obviously care a lot about your family but sometimes you need to put yourself first because you need to look after you so that you can be there for all of them.

I hope things look up for you soon, posting here is a great first step to slowly but surely getting past this difficult problem.

[Longdistance]

Get yourself signed off for stress and find yourself another job? Is that possible?

[Preciousprincess75]

But if it is teaching then this term can feel overwhelming and never ending. Autumn Term is always better. If not, can you try to break down what it is that is making you stressed. Is it your manager? The tasks you do? Deadlines? If you can pinpoint it then it may be easier to make a plan to address it or rationalise it so it doesn't overwhelm you.

[Itscurtainsforyou]

I feel the same (I also have stress/sleep issues at home). Is there anyway you could slightly reduce your hours (I'm considering dropping half a day to give me some breathing space) or will you just be trying to fit the same amount if work into less time?

What transferable skills do you have? I'm trying to look for completely different jobs using the same kind of skill set. (Not found anything yet but keeping looking).

Any chance you could take some annual leave (or sick leave if you're feeling that bad) to have a break?

[Foureyesarebetterthantwo]

It sounds like you have tunnel vision through exhaustion and not being able to see the wood for the trees. Write down a list, ask your partner to help, of all the available options for you- move organizations but stay in the same line of work, do something different within that line of work, his work increases/moves to better paid, rejuggle childcare so you can stay home more, do something entirely different, move house/downsize and so on. Don't come up with reasons why you can't do any of these things...just brainstorm them all.

Also be honest with your partner that you can't keep going as you are. So, something has to change, even if that is a change in lifestyle, childcare or his work too. Once he realises what's at stake, I hope he'll work with you to find some better options, as you are right, we only come around once and you do sound desperately unhappy.

[boggedoff]

Am feeling similar and take kalms to help me sleep keep thinking this soon will pass are there other jobs you can go for with similar salaries?

[DarthMaiden]

Is there any way you could take a sabbatical or leave of absence?

[Sostreesedoutrightnow]

It's not necessarily about the job I do but the intense feeling of stress and depression I feel over job.

[TinselTwins]

Sounds like teacher?

Not all jobs are like that! I suspect that even though you know it's affecting you badly, you won't really see how bad it is until you leave and look back on it

In jobs like that, if you stay, you end up off sick or making a bad mistake - and nobody can afford that, so staying because you can't afford to leave is a false economy

[Preciousprincess75]

Teacher?

[Sostreesedoutrightnow]

No, not nurse or lawyer.

[Tulipblank]

I was going to ask if you're a lawyer!!

[FluffyEwok]

are you a nurse?