AIBU to go to someone's wedding and wear white

[BollockyBollocks]

When they came to mine in white very recently?
Yes, I know it's petty and I should do the grown up thing but it pissed me off quite a bit.
It was a very white, very wedding type dress.

[LoveChickens]

I would do it, because I can be totally unreasonable about things like that.

[rainpouringrainbows]

if you're so worried about people taking attention from the bride...?

you can't respect somebody's special day? Basic manners?
Some girls spend years preparing their wedding (not my thing, but hey ho). Just respect them for one day.

Who the hell wears things like that in real life?
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[Narp]

Anyone

I don't think the bride was upstaged there. It was just Raquel Welch looking like Raquel Welch.

People should have a bit more confidence in themselves

[Sighing]

Look perfectly acceptable as a wedding guest. In the brief moment you speak to her marvel over her dress and say how nice it is to see her in a wedding dress again. Air kiss and leave her to mingle.

[Narp]

I wore a white dress to a wedding once, with an orange cardigan and orange sandals. Looked rather fab and very very dissimilar to the bride (who looked lovely too).

What a load of old tosh this wedding nonsense is.

[whois]

At my friends wedding, her bulling older sister came dressed in a floor length gold sequin very tight dress, Whilst she looked amazing, she also looked like she was trying to upstage the bride and reinforced what a total freaking bitch and cow bag she is.

Don't wear white. Just go looking lovely.

[FineDamnBeaver]

I think what people are actually saying when they say "don't upstage the bride" is more like "wear what we're all used to people wearing at weddings because it's proper and traditional". Lots of very proper, modest outfits worn by someone attractive will gain lots of attention. Lots of tight red lycra, etc., won't if worn by someone less attractive. If you really want to not attract attention, don't wear anything nice and modest which makes you look pretty. It's very rude.

[FineDamnBeaver]

I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding dressed as if I was going clubbing. Don't you attract more attention from a guy by being smart and pretty and looking the best you can, as opposed to look like a reject from Aintree ladies day?

In that case, why aren't you advocating going looking like a reject from Aintree ladies day? I mean, if you're so worried about people taking attention from the bride...?

[FineDamnBeaver]

All these many rules!

I reckon that, if anything, thinking "Oh, I won't wear anything tight because that'll take the attention away from the bride" is pretty egocentric and up-yourself. How the hell can someone wearing something that makes them feel good - even if it's a sparkly leotard - take the attention from the bride? The bride is, well, the bride. Unless you wear a full veil and walk arm in arm with the groom, there's not much possible confusion.

Parts of this tread remind me a bit of all the press coverage of Jeremy Corbyn's failure to do up his top shirt button. WTF?

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

The best wedding upstage the bride outfit is surely the red-dress-sparkly-knickers combo Elizabeth Hurley wore. She wa a friend of the groom. very hem hem, I thought.

[MonicaBilongame]

Wear something red and try to look like the Whore of Babylon.... and then wink at her DH while they are walking back down the aisle...

[toldmywrath]

My sil (dh's sister) wore a lovely white flowing dress to my wedding. We got on well but she really peed me off by doing this-she looked more bridal than I did! So I agree with OP that she is not bu to feel disgruntled, but it's not a good idea to do the same & stoop to her level.

[BlueBlueSea]

I did not think it was wrong and have not thought about it since. I am sure my mother would have said something if it was thought of as being upsetting to my sister.

[rainpouringrainbows]

Wow, I am glad I am not friends with such young women.

Of course, you dress differently if it's a black tie wedding at the Savoy, or a beach wedding in Ibiza. I just thought that it was common sense that the dress code was festive, but formal, and not about YOU. It's the bride's day.

So no crocs/ no jeans/ no knickers on show/ no mini skirt/ no white or gold or ivory. I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding dressed as if I was going clubbing. Don't you attract more attention from a guy by being smart and pretty and looking the best you can, as opposed to look like a reject from Aintree ladies day? I don't think that Kate Middleton, Queen Letizia or Mary of Denmark - to name of few - dress like nuns whilst on duty.

Back to the original story, the OP is the original injured party, so she's understandably pissed off.

[AnyoneButAndre]

I agree cuntess. Stuff that's fine between best friends is much iffier when you're on bad terms.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Hmm, see, wearing white to the wedding of a sister you don't like, does look bad. Completely different scenario from good friends attending the wedding of people they actually like, in good faith, in a white frock because it's a summer's day and then dress suits them.

People might not have commented, but ...

[BlueBlueSea]

I wore a ivory, knee length shift dress to my sisters wedding, about 25 years ago. I had refused to be bridesmaid as I did not like her. No way did I think my dress was wrong though. No one commented,

[TheDowagerCuntess]

See, if somebody I liked enough to invite to my wedding wore a clearly non-bridal white/Ivory/whatever dress, it wouldn't even occur to me to think they were trying to upstage me! I'd just think that was the dress they liked!

Obviously this doesn't apply to the OP who is trying to be provocative, but generally, in real life.

Getting precious about guests wearing white or other pale neutral colours at your wedding is veering into bridezilla territory - aren't most brides having way too much fun to even notice this sort of thing?

[AnyoneButAndre]

I don't think you necessarily need to dress "modestly". Sometimes a wedding is your best opportunity to "attract the attention" of a friend of a friend you've had your eye on for ages and many young women in that situation dress accordingly, which is a perfectly reasonable interpretation of wedding protocol.

[rainpouringrainbows]

"What does it mean to "not upstage the bride"?

It means dressing smart and modestly, what do you think it means? Nothing wrong with being gorgeous, but think Hepburn meet Kate Middleton on duty.

Are you seriously wondering why you don't try to draw attention to yourself on somebody's special day? If you do, you must have some serious issues.

[BMW6]

OMG I've just remembered that many many years ago (about 30) I wore an ivory suit to a wedding .......

[TheDowagerCuntess]

I don't even understand why people think it's acceptable to wear ivory/cream/ white. It just make them look awful.

No, it doesn't...?

I've see plenty of people look gorgeous in white/pale/nude/Ivory dresses. We're talking simple, elegant, often knee-length dresses here. Not bridal gowns.

[cantbelieveimonhere]

Could you post a photo of the dress they wore?

[ShrewDriver]

What does it mean to "not upstage the bride"? If you are very beautiful, should you wear false beard and glasses? If you have Kelly Brook's body, should you wear a sack?

[debbietheduck]

I had no idea not wearing white to a wedding was such a thing! I've been to many weddings where there were guests in white, so long as it's not "bridal" I don't see the problem.

I think you should wear whatever you like, within reason, because social "rules" like this only exist to make people feel bad for inadvertently breaking them. So the sooner we get rid of them the better. It's turning up and celebrating the marriage that's important!