I'm seriously going to lose my cool with neighbour

[ForFukSake]

Firstly I have posted about this before and I have been flamed. Please don't be rude to me, it isn't needed. I'm extremely stressed. I moved here from DV to live in PEACE and all this neighbour has done is bother me.
Wether his actions would bother you or not is irrelevant.
It stresses me out and I just want to live in peace, I don't want any problems or trouble.

If you have read any of my other threads it's in regards to an elederly man who has been, in my opinion, stalking me.
He stares in my windows, at my car, constantly ringing my bell, following me to the end of the road.
Before it was ringing my bell to make excuses to come into my flat and now it's to complain about noise.
When he rang my door today I was on my bed sitting in complete silence having a nap.

The housing association told him only 4-5 days ago to LEAVE ME ALONE and any issues he has with me to go through them.

The man rang my bell again today, I ignored it like I always do.
Today I got some furniture delivered which was my mums who has passed away 2months ago.
He went outside and looked in the van, he then said to my uncle who was delivering the furniture "she don't answer the door"

My uncle told him he doesn't care and carried on working.

I don't understand why this man seems to think anyone involved with me gives a shit about him.
This is the second time he has come outside to speak to a visitor of mine.
Last time it was to enquire what the person was doing at my door.

I'm sick of this and I feel my privacy is being invaded.
Anything to do with me is nothing to do with him.
I cannot move and I wont I only moved here in April.

It's stressing me out i just want to be left alone.
I'm actually willing to pay for an injunction if I have too because it seems my housing association are not tough enough.

Aibu to be pissed off at him talking to my visitors or am I being dramatic?
im really trying to not lose my cool which is why I ignore the door but it is very hard. I don't need this stress.

[dangerrabbit]

Great advice from disgrace to the Y chromosome

May also be useful sending recorded delivery so you have proof of postage to court?

Good luck, sorry you are going through this

[wowfudge]

I remember your last thread OP and wonder if your neighbour has dementia or other issues which mean he just doesn't realise his behaviour is unacceptable.

You've been given some good advice on this thread - definitely keep a diary with dates and times.

[Emmylou1985]

He is clearly harassing you! Tell the HA he's up to his tricks again and that you will take the matter up with the police if nothing is done. I would speak to the police anyway, just incase he causes trouble if the HA take action against him. Better to have a complaint on record. Hope things get better for you!

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Hi OP. You need a harassment injunction with power of arrest. Fairly simple to DIY thus:
Send him a letter detailing his actions, the effect they have and requesting he stop. You do not wish any further contact, and you will take legal action if the course of conduct continues.
Then if he continues, go to court. You need to download Form N16A, complete it together with Statement of Claim (basically the behaviour complained of and the remedy you're after) and hand it to your Couny Court along with the fee (£150).

Google "diy harassment injunction " for a more detailed explanation.

Good luck.

[BitchBags]

Yanbu at all. And you weren't being unreasonable in your last thread either. I thought that was rather unfair the flaming you got on your last thread (not sure why it was deleted as I didn't post so missed the deletion message) but it definitely showed how it only takes the first few people to say something for most of the other people to agree!
I hope you get it sorted op. It sounds like a horrible situation to be in :(

[RosePetels]

So because you ignore him he has started to talk to your visitors and complain about you ignoring him?
I would be extremely creeped out, he doesn't understand boundaries. I think you need to go to the police if anything else happens.

[Scholes34]

But does he have health issues? I had a work colleague who lived close to me a few years ago. It took us a time to realise she had early on-set dementia and she eventually retired on ill-health grounds. She used to walk into my house whether I was here or not, so I had to tell the children not to answer the door and I stopped answering the door too, because it was the easiest thing to do.

Health issues don't excuse the behaviour. They don't give him permission to behave as he does, but they might offer a different perspective on how to deal with the problem.

[TracyBarlow]

Keep a record, ring the police. This is asbo-worthy behaviour I have seen many granted for much less.

[OstentatiousBreastfeeder]

Your other thread was deleted? Why?!

You weren't being unreasonable then and you aren't now.

He doesn't sound very well does he?

[Bailey101]

I had a nightmare neighbour who was a council tenant in a flat owned by the homeless department. I complained so many times that after a couple of months I had 9 pages of notes. The council did nothing about it, until I contacted my councillor and all if a sudden they were falling over themselves to sort it out.

If they continue to be half hearted about it, look up your MP and councillor and get them involved. I'd also speak to the police and see what they recommend.

There's few things that are worse then having problem neighbours, my heart goes out to you OP!

[bigbumtheory]

You need to contact the police and your safer neighbourhoods team since it seems to have gone on a while. Just explain to them the situatution and how you are feeling and then if, after that, he continues when you update them then they'll go and have a gentle word. If he persists or gets worse, then they'll up the ante and ultimately if he is harassing you then they'll deal with it.

You need to log every incident, where when any witnesses, and how it made you feel. Also be clear in saying to him 'please don't constantly ring my bell or follow me, I find it very uncomfortable.' Don't encourage him, be very polite but disengage. If he is lonely and just needs attention then the Police will see it and likely already have been told about him. Make sure you copy by email every incident to HA and Police.

YANBU and I don't see why you should be flamed. You have every right to feel at ease and relaxed at home, not on edge and waiting. The man may have issues that need bringing to the right attention and Safer Neighbourhoods will do that.

[Dothefridgesquat]

YANBU, I would feel quite intimidated by this if I'm honest. If this carries on, I would seriously consider relocating! He's harassing you. Don't be scared to take this further. Log everything! Who, what, when, where etc

[ADishBestEatenCold]

"Firstly I have posted about this before and I have been flamed"

Don't remember seeing any previous posts of yours, unless you've name changed this time round). There was someone posting almost the same thing about her elderly neighbour ... she was escaping DV, in an HA flat, had a toddler ... was that you? When I read this thread, I really thought that might be you ... but maybe not, because if I remember correctly, they were quite short threads and I don't think she was flamed.

I don't think your neighbour's behavior warrants an injunction, or anything like that.
It sounds as if, at worst, he is at the high end of the scale of old, busybody behavior ... also, possibly lonely into the bargain and meaning to be a good neighbour, but getting it hopelessly wrong.
It also sounds, given him saying "she don't answer the door" that (in his weirdness) he thinks you're a little weird , too! (kindly meant)

Anyway, I wonder if one last ditch, calm and honest, kind but firm, attempt. Speak to him, tell him that you know he was just trying to be friendly and involved when you moved in, but for a variety of personal reasons, you are unable to reciprocate at the moment, and really just need to be left alone to enjoy your privacy. Ask him to please help you do just that.
If you feel unable to speak to him in this way, is there another neighbour with whom you have a better relationship, who could speak to him on your behalf?

[Amy106]

I was once in a similar situation and would encourage you, urge you to talk to the police. You are not being overly dramatic. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

[RiverTam]

Good gracious, that sounds dreDful. Agree with keeping a log, kerp going in at the HA, and involve the police if you need.

[Stratter5]

Being elderly, and being lonely are not viable excuses for harassment.

[Methe]

He'll = He has

[Methe]

It doesn't matter if he'll issues or not he has no business harassing someone in their own home.

[VitaminCrumpet]

OP, could he possibly have health issues? You state that he is elderly. Could he be lonely? I'm not making excuses for him, but he is clearly not listening to reason. As others have said, log everything, call 101. He needs to be stopped before it goes too far.

[hackmum]

I agree about keeping a log of all the incidents, with a date and time for each one.

Stalking is against the law so I agree about reporting it to the police. There's an explanation here:

www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/stalking_and_harassment/#a02b

It says: "Whilst there is no strict legal definition of 'stalking', section 2A (3) of the PHA 1997 sets out examples of acts or omissions which, in particular circumstances, are ones associated with stalking. For example, following a person, watching or spying on them or forcing contact with the victim through any means, including social media."

[spottybottycream]

There is a man on my street who behaved very similarly to this with my next door neighbour. She lived alone and was in her late 20's he is around mid 60's. He used to look in her bins and litter pick outside her house and just generally find any excuse to hang about outside our houses in order to see her. He introduced himself to her family and friends whenever they turned up and eventually started sending her letters asking why she treated him with contempt and tried to avoid him and why she kept her curtains and blinds closed all the time! She moved to live with her parents in the end, telling him she was going on sabbatical to turkey and then moving to Scotland when she came back! Don't stand for it. Ask the police to have a word if you have to. She wouldn't and it escalated to the point she felt she had to move to get away from him.

[RachelRagged]

OP I apologise for my rather flippant comment the other day asking if you were paranoid .. It is clear you are not. . Sorry.

[Stratter5]

Oh gosh, I think remember your past thread - lots of excuses made for him because he's old and alone?

You are so not being unreasonable. He's gone way past being a PITA. Don't tell him to fuck off, you can't do anything that would give him leverage with the HA. Keep a diary, keep visitors informed - I second asking them to tell him he's been told to leave you alone, keep the HA up to date, and log with police. Ask if police can talk to him.