MIL had a massive go at DH at the weekend because she feels that my parents (and her other DIL's parents) are favoured over her and FIL. I am very surprised at this as I always thought we all got on well. her evidence of this (in our case, not sure about BIL/SIL) is as follows:
- We went on holiday abroad with my parents for a week at Easter. In fact, this is the first overseas holiday we have been on with my parents since my DC were born and in that time we have been on holidays with PILS overseas 3 times (although not for a couple of years). We have had various weekends with both sets of parents this country but I have not kept count. The holiday at Easter was arranged by my parents and was their Christmas present to us (and we were slightly guilt tripped into it, although had a good time)
- When my parents visit (about twice a year), we arrange more activities than when PIL visit (PIL visit more often as they live closer). This is probably true, for various reasons including (i) my parents often ask us to arrange things or book their trip to coincide with something they know is on, (ii) I am more organised than DH and think it is his job to organise things for his parents (I work full time, him part time, DC at school), and (iii) PILs visits are shorter.
- My parents get more generous Christmas parents. This is also true, but reflects the different approach of the families to Christmas (my family have always gone a bit mad at Christmas, his family have always exchanged token presents). it is also again because I leave it to DH to buy for his family and he is a bit tight!
What is underlying this is that MIL's sister has daughters (MIL only has sons) and the daughters either have no DC or grown up DC and often take their mother away for the weekend etc. We and BIL/SIL have younger children and prefer to spend our weekends with the children. MIL has convinced herself that as a general rule daughters are more generous (with time and money) to their parents than sons and so she is missing out relative to her sister and my parents.
DH of course just took it on the chin (he did not, for example, point out the flaws in her arguments such as the fact that we have been on holiday with them more than my parents). We are due to visit them in a couple of weeks, and I don't know whether to say anything. on the one hand, it is more between her and DH (who will just let it go, although he was very taken aback). On the other hand, there is definitely a suggestion that it is to some extent my fault (e.g. I earn a lot more than DH so there was a suggestion that this is why my parents get better presents, i.e. I don't want to spend my money on my PILs. This is nonsense - DH knows he can buy them whatever he wants, has just always thought it appropriate to buy the types of presents the rest of his side of the family buy. And I am not taking over shopping for his side of the family).
SO (1) does MIL have a point, and (2) should I say anything or just let it go (unless she says something directly).