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AIBU?

To friend request dd's nursery teacher on Facebook?

30 replies

turtlepig · 15/07/2015 21:30

Dd finished nursery yesterday - starts reception in September. She had a very lovely nursery teacher who really invested a lot of time and patience in Dd and helped her to overcome anxiety and lack of confidence.
Dd's nursery teacher has a distinctive surname - I have searched and found her on Facebook. I have a really lovely picture of her with my Dd and wanted to friend request her and send pic. Dh says that would be a bit weird and an invasion of her privacy - is he right?
We will continue to see her as Dd will be continuing at the school the nursery is attached to and dd2 will be attending the nursery the year after next if this makes any difference.

OP posts:

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pilates · 16/07/2015 09:10

Glad you have come to your senses Op and listened to the advice on here.

slightlyconfused85 · 16/07/2015 08:53

I wouldn't, it's a boundary crossed and could make the teacher uncomfortable. I am a secondary teacher - when students leave they and or their parents will send requests. I never accept as they often know children still at school and just not comfortable with it

cocobean2805 · 16/07/2015 02:20

I used to be a primary school TA and was quite often found and friend requested by parents, I'd let them sit unfriended as I worked on the premise that that "refusal often offends". They were nice people and I got on with them but it would have become too personal, once you go from professional to personal there are often lines crossed. I'd end up with messages in my inbox asking questions about how their children were getting on in class, did such and such have an argument with Other such and such, me and some of the mums are going out for a drink, do you want to come with etc, It got a bit much. It was before such stringent privacy settings so it meant they could see some of my pictures etc, it made me on edge. Chances are, she won't be allowed as it is, most schools have rules unless there's a pre-existing personal relationship.

Talking about mixing personal with professional though... I was going on a night out, dressed up to the nines in a local bar, somebody was making cheeky comments about my posterior from behind me, as I turned round with my drink there were a couple of lads with one of my class dads, he recognised me and you've never seen someone go so red and stuttery so fast, he managed to splutter out " oh, sorry miss coco!" Bearing in mind we were about the same age. I nearly died! He never looked me in the eye at pick up time and some of the mums used to tease him rotten about it.

highkickindandy · 16/07/2015 00:22

I have an unusual name and would be easy to find on facebook. I would ignore friend requests from members of the public I had met through my professional role and would think they were being a bit stalkerish,sorry.

However much I might have liked you I would think this was a strange thing to do.

MidniteScribbler · 16/07/2015 00:09

I often get friend requests from parents, and I always decline them. My private life is private and I don't even have work colleagues on my facebook, let alone parents. Even the fact that parents take the time to seek out my profile creeps me out, why do they think the can inflict themselves on my private time?

littlejohnnydory · 15/07/2015 22:06

We live in a small village where several teachers have children at the school and do socialise with parents. Many parents are facebook friends with the teachers. I waited for dd's teacher to friend request me and not vice versa though. I am also facebook friends with dd's nursery teacher from another area (again, she sent me the friend request, not me her). So clearly some schools are fine with it, others not. I wouldn't friend request the teacher though.

Psycobabble · 15/07/2015 21:59

Aww Do some of you have some lady crushes going on ?!

Trumpity · 15/07/2015 21:57

I am friends with a few ladies at my daughter's pre-school. Everyone knows each other one way or another round here.

hollieberrie · 15/07/2015 21:53

Yes we are absolutely not allowed to accept FB friend requests from parents. There'd be serious trouble from management at my school if any teacher did this, it blurs the boundaries. Its hard cos we get fond of parents too, but its a no go.

NK5BM3 · 15/07/2015 21:46

She won't be allowed to friend you anyway. Policy of schools and nurseries! You could do it when your child leaves but you say you have younger child who will be going there too. So best not.

IUseAnyName · 15/07/2015 21:44

I've been tempted to befriend ds reception teacher as she's lovely :) and we have many things in common, but I have resisted as feel it is crossing a line x

Chancewouldbefinething · 15/07/2015 21:43

Mumsnetters again speak words of wisdom!
Hope your daughter has a fab time in reception x

AspieAndNT · 15/07/2015 21:41

Don't friend request her for all the reasons above. If you feel that you MUST give her the photo then print it off, but to be honest as much as your child is lovely - she is just a job to the staff.

Only1scoop · 15/07/2015 21:40

Good plan

turtlepig · 15/07/2015 21:40

OK unanimous for the "no" vote then! Thank you. I may print it off and give it to her when dd starts in reception. I think I'm just so grateful for the way she has supported dd this year and in addition to that I think she is a lovely lady and will miss chatting with her every now and again! I did write her a lovely card expressing my gratitude for all she has done for dd so possibly a Facebook friend request and pic would be crossing the line into nursery teacher stalkerdom I shall tell Dh the mumsnet jury have sided with him.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 15/07/2015 21:40

No way

bobajob · 15/07/2015 21:38

No, she already has plenty of photos of your DD, she won't want another one!

Amy106 · 15/07/2015 21:38

Sorry but I agree with dh (and the others on this thread). It's a invasion of her privacy. If she really wants to friend you on Facebook, she will send you a request.

Getuhda348 · 15/07/2015 21:38

Usually in those types of jobs they are not allowed to accept friend requests from family as it crosses the line of acting professionally. But it would be lovely to take in the picture I'm sure she would really appriciate it

woodleydoodle · 15/07/2015 21:37

Absolutely no

AnyFucker · 15/07/2015 21:37

that would make you a weirdo

NormHonal · 15/07/2015 21:36

Speaking from experience.

Don't friend her - if she wants to, she will find and friend you. This has happened to me with one of my DC's nursery teachers who wanted to keep in touch once we had left.

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Psycobabble · 15/07/2015 21:36

She may not be allowed then it'll be Akward !!

Why not make the picture into a lovely card on one of those websites where you can personalise your card and give her some nice chocs with it as a thankyou gift ?

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 15/07/2015 21:34

No way. Print the picture and give it by all means. You're just a part of her job, her FB is personal.

Mrsjayy · 15/07/2015 21:34

No dont im sure she is lovely but its kinda crossing the line imo

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