to think dh shouldn't be saying things like this to dd?

[PigletCrisps]

she is only 8
he will say allsorts of judgemental stuff to her, for example at the weekend there was a man walking through town

he had a long cape type coat on, half blonde hair half black
and huge sunglasses

people were looking at him as he power walked along

dh turns to dd and says well dd thatis what is known as a weirdo....
wtf

I tried to explain about not judging books by their covers etc
but I can see his is inflicting his thoughts into her mind

she replied I thought he was a magician in fancy dress returning from a childrens party, where no one liked him[because he had a sad look on his face]

I personally want her to live and let live
not judge etc

other examples are when I was watching towie
I know its shit etc but comeon
he said well dd this a programme for thick people

it had just finished when they arrived home so she wasn't exposed to it

lots of other comments like dummys are just for shutting up babies etc
which she then repeats in front of others and I cringe

[BreadmakerFan]

Boggles that someone having gay sex and dealing and doing drugs can impress an adult.

[Babycham1979]

OP, I've just read your thread about being 18 months older than him. It sounds like you really don't like this man (and he doesn't think much of you either). Why are you together? Why did you get together in the first place?

You keep insisting that you're not offended or upset, but your repeated posting on multiple relationship problems suggest you are.

Two people, living together, with a child who really don't like each other; maybe time you both a serious chat?

[WorraLiberty]

You should tell him to make a Mumsnet account OP

I can think of a million threads where his opinions would be totally welcomed and agreed with

[sooperdooper]

Has he always been a boring judgemental pain in the bum of just since pointing out these things to your dd? I think your issue should be with the root problem which is his attitude in general

[Lweji]

Have you confronted him about what he said?

He is a twat, though. Not your fault that he is like that.

[PigletCrisps]

Well I sound more on a back foot than I actually am
As reason I said i do watch alot of crap is because i know it is crap and i know peoplevon here will say well what do expect if you watch that shite

He really is being an annoying twat though

[phoenixrose314]

He sounds like a very judgemental person, who feels better about himself by pulling apart the people around him (I live with one of those too!).

Just interject immediately after he speaks with your two cents worth. "No, he's not a weirdo, he likes dressing that way - everybody is different." "That programme is not for stupid people, it's fun and silly and I like it."

Most of all your DD needs to realise that she cannot allow someone else to speak for her - or for you.

[mathanxiety]

I think it is a control thing. Look what he has done to you -- you are in the position of admitting you watch a lot of crap tv and justifying it. This is an indication that his remarks have put you no your back foot.

I don't think he wants you to stop watching it necessarily. He just wants to use anything he can latch onto to use to put you down. If it wasn't tv it would be crocheting or whatever else you chose to do with your time.

[ImNotTheLadies]

I would respond casually with ''and that, DD, is your father being a judgemental prick but I know you're a much kinder person than he is''

[velourvoyageur]

Tess is there something wrong with gay sex?

[PigletCrisps]

Yes u realise that how offensuce it was to me

It was like hes trying to get me to stop watching it
Like a control thing

I do watch alot of crap that pisses him off but im knackered alotvof the time

He has got alot worse lately

[mathanxiety]

Not exactly Mr Plays-Well-With-Others

[PigletCrisps]

Math yep that's him

[TheHumblePotato]

Tessbrookes Totally agree! If only there were a MN 'like' button!

[mathanxiety]

Sorry to mention this, but are you the MNer with the H who is 18 months younger than you? If yes, then you have a real prize on your hands.

The words passive-aggressive and immature are not strong enough for him.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Ooh, I'm so glad I'm not in your shoes OP. I would be gagging to say 'Well dd, your father is what is known as a useless floppy bellend!'

It sounds like he is speaking to you through her, very passive-aggressive.

There's not much you can do though. Maybe try and offset Mr World-Weary with some positivity, so your dd knows it's not all doom and gloom?

[Denimwithdenim00]

I honestly wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Just laugh and give your dd your view on people.

She will make up her own mind.

However stamp hard on her saying rude or insulting things out loud as this will make her vulnerable as she gets older and mixed in the world.

There are some people who may punch her hard for staring and commenting and they may be at her high school.

Kids need to learn to protect themselves by behaving well.

Your dh sounds a bit immature really.

[Lweji]

I was watching towie. he said well dd this a programme for thick people

You realise how offensive this was to you?
Did you confront it over it?

[Tessbrookes]

I wouldn't be impressed with that either, I'm with you that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. So what if he was wearing a cape and had huge sunglasses? His dress sense has no bearing on whether he's a 'weirdo' or not.
Although your dd sounds clued up and switched on. Like the fact she thought of a magician.
As for FatMommas reply though I'm a little baffled. It's alright for you to be completely wowed and impressed by taking and dealing drugs, and having gay sex as well as not only taking drugs but intravenously but not your daughter?
How do you think your parents feel that you were so suckered in by such a charmer? Why is it suddenly so different when the boot's on the other foot and it's YOUR daughter that could suddenly be wooed by a feckless miscreant?

[PigletCrisps]

Wirh regards to towie if he had said to dd this programme is dross or rubbish fair enough
But his comments were just rude really

[PigletCrisps]

Recently on a few school events shes ended up sitting next tobthe head teacher

he finds this extremely funny and lkbes to tease her about it
as she will be all embarrassed
And he will say stuff like what did i talk about etc

it really bugs me as he's actually just teaching her to be really shy around the head teacher
He makes her self conscious

[PigletCrisps]

Well maybe I'm guilty of being too pc

[OfaFrenchMind]

Well, TOWIE is not very high-brow...
Thing is, you cannot police everything that happens between them. He is expressing opinions, not teaching her racism or sexism (That would be problematic)

Remember, life is great because we do not all adhere to one single dogma. If we were all having the same consensual, bland kind of thoughts, it would be so sad (and debates, art, and thought-provoking literature would not exist)

[Fatmomma99]

I kind-of feel for you. My DD (yr 8 [note - not age 8!]) got her first detention this week. DH responded by regaling her with stories about his own detentions: How he got them, how he skived off them, etc.

MY DH (and all this I LOVE about him) had a bit of a "yoof" in the 1970s - he ran away from home; he lived on a beach, he squatted houses, he took and dealt drugs, he had gay sex and did intravenous drug use.

I'm not so keen on him "modelling" this to our DD. He KNOWS that this impresses me (I'm very boring and 15 years younger than him.... I've done nothing like he has done) (well, maybe a little bit of gay sex...) (very small amount of drug taking/dealing selling to friends)

But I HATE him regaling her with the stories that impress me. I don't want her to think that the naughty side of him is something to aspire to.

So I am with you.