Its spreading..

[CocacolaMum]

I have seen a few threads about demands for money being slipped in with wedding invites but it seems to be seeping over into other celebrations!!

This morning I got an invitation to a christening of a friends 8 and 1 yr old with a note declaring that although a present for both of the children would be nice they would prefer money so as not to have too much clutter around the house. AIBU to think this is just incredibly rude?!?!

[Leeds2]

I would buy one of those gift cards from Oxfam, which provides something for a child. For example, the supply of books to a school, or vaccinations for babies.

[FobblyWoof]

I think it is rude. If you don't want presents cluttering up your space then absolutely air enough but to request money for a christening is a bit, well...crass.

If people are that desperate to get the baby something when it's been stated no presents they'll give money without it being stated.

[AntoinetteCosway]

When we had DD christened we were amazed and so touched by the number of (totally unasked for and unexpected) presents she received, from all sorts of people including quite a few who weren't invited to the christening at all but just wanted to give her something. They're all beautiful, thoughtful gifts that she'll have forever so I think YANBU on two counts-it's unbelievable that the parents are expecting presents, sad that they expect tat and rude to ask for money!

[crashdoll]

Antisecco I'm Jewish and in my circle, it's not great form to ask for money.

[KalevalaForMePlease]

I know a few people, who don't have very much money, but when they know and event is coming up, like a wedding or a baby being born, will look out for gifts in the sales, or special offers, that kind of thing. For them, receiving an invitation like that, telling them not to give gifts, but money instead, would be upsetting. And they would have to give more than the cost of their bargain gift!

Like Hec said, it is disrespectful and unmannerly to directly ask for gifts in any situation. When did we all become so mean and self-absorbed?

[Pascha]

I would probably put a tenner in a card anyway for a christening. I've never quite seen the point of all those crappy silver spoon sets etc. I'm not sure I would like to see any mention of gifts on the invitation though, lots of people don't buy anything for christenings.

TBH, I usually put a tenner in a card for a wedding too. (well, maybe a bit more than a tenner). A sort code and account number would be right up my street.

I hate buying presents.

[Startail]

I agree, I like being asked for money for weddings. Nice and simple.

But wedding presents are supposed to help the new couple start out in life. They are traditionally of a far value.

Whether it's a kettle or £50 towards the honeymoon so the couple can unwind after the stresses of wedding planning, matters not at all to me.

Christine's are different, unless you are a god parent, gifts should be optional, cheap and totally at the discretion of the giver. Christinings should mean something more than an excuse for a party and some people might like to give gifts that reflect that.

[CerealMom]

I don't have a problem with money as a gift, however if it were me I would ask the parents for the bank/child trust fund (the 8 yr old would have one of these) details and pay it straight into there.

[potentiallytotallyshafted]

Totally agree Hecsy. Gifts should be given freely, not demanded. We had a gift list for our wedding but did not include details in the invite. Everyone but a couple of ppl asked us once they rsvped if we had a list, and bought off it - no, we did not get five toasters, or God forbid! Something we did not like. I think the entitlement that surrounds gifts and occasions is becoming quite disgusting - I had an invite that actually included the bride's SORT CODE AND ACCOUNT NUMBER. Another overseas wedding, which all guests were spending a fortune to attend, helpfully included the instruction to just bring cash in an envelope as a gift. Wtf?

[ll31]

Yanbu,very rude.

[TobyLerone]

What Hecsy said.

[hamilton75]

Its bad manners, tacky, classless, grabby and downright rude!.

A gift of money is fine, asking for it smacks of greed and disrespect. It misses the whole point of the ceremony.

[Slainte]

YANBU as someone else said upthread, I'd make a donation on their behalf to a charity (of your choice). No clutter then

[Antisecco]

See, what you've said Blackaffronted makes perfect sense. thank you for that!

[DeepRedBetty]

I don't mind being asked for money instead of a present, but I expect it to be a one-to-one conversation, not a note in an invitation. As a matter of fact I usually do give a bit of cash towards the child's university fund as a christening gift, but that was my own idea as most christening size babies are awash with age appropriate stuff whereas the time they get really expensive is when they're older.

[BlackAffronted]

Indeed hecsy

[Antisecco]

Hecsy

[BlackAffronted]

Chtristening gifts are meant to be trinkets, a book of bible stories or a wee money box. The monetary equiviliant would look paltry in a card, so you would up it a bit. I would maybe spend £5/£10 on a gift usually, but would feel like I would have to double that in cash!

[Antisecco]

Cravingdairy Thank goodness for you!!

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

I think it is bad manners to ask for a gift of any kind under any circumstances.

Although I know I am in a minority.

I think that a gift is given, not demanded and therefore the polite thing to do is to accept graciously anything that is given to you and only mention what you would like if asked.

Which is normally fine because it's also good manners to make sure you know what people would like.

So the two come together nicely. We do the dance of what would you like - you don't have to get me anything - no, I would like to - well, if you're sure...

The person giving doesn't feel that they've had a gift demanded from them, the person getting gets something that they like. Win Win.

It's when people deviate from this ONE TRUE WAY! that things go horribly wrong.

[Antisecco]

I don't know why I think this is rude and wedding requests for money aren't, but I do.


Luvvit!!!!!


Seriously, it pretty much confirms what I thought, that I just don't understand the preciousness etiquette surrounding christenings!

[ThistleVille]

What about asking 'Do you have a favourite Children's charity you'd like me to donate to?' if clutter is an issue..

[Cravingdairy]

Maybr they thought they could be upfront with their friends and relatives who are being invited to share a special day. Clearly they were wrong.

[Antisecco]

All you people saying that asking for presents is okay but asking for money is 'grabby'...erm how do you normally pay for the presents?


Disclaimer (again) the use of the word clutter (if they did actually use the word and this is not the OP's interpretation, like 'declaring' clearly was) is out of order. No argument from me there. But requesting money in lieu of things...nope, can't see the problem.

[starfishmummy]

Good grief Yanbu.
At one time only godparents gave presents......