My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To be very annoyed by the message I woke up to this morning?

102 replies

shellandkai · 31/05/2013 08:21

So this morning I woke up looked at my phone to check the time to see a message from a now ex friend saying she's "going to delete me off whatsapp (that's how I contact all friends) because your all about you and never reply" now here's a little background I met her last summer through a play scheme that we both volunteered at she seemed quite nice or do I thought until we started going to the park etc with our 2 children she kept making comments saying things like "everyone you know are wierd" etc then one night she phoned me like 20 times maybe more from 11pm (which each call I answered) she was drunk she expected me to just get up go round and drink with her leaving my son and partner which I said no to. On another occasion we went to a soft play centre together and walked up "together" afterwards she phoned get sil to pick her and her son up "saying shell will be fine she can make her own way home" I was pretty annoyed as she lived round the corner from me and just ditched me which I thought was pretty rude. On another occasion she phoned and asked if I could go drop something off it was again about 10:30pm and I wasn't dressed and was very tired so dp said he will go drop it for her until she phoned and was saying things that made my partner uncomfortable and we decided I should drop it in the end, so when I got round there again she was pretty drunk and in her dressing gown with what looked like nothing underneath (she was still expecting my partner to drop it off, and kept saying things like "your partner is really good I've lost so many friends because of their husbands/boyfriends trying it on with me but your partner hasn't etc" which set alarm bells off so I distanced myself from her. I bumped into her last month and she said she will message me etc I told her that me and dp have been pretty down as dp's close friend died and it was his funeral next week etc well the night of the funeral she was messaging me " hiya what you upto want to come round" then when I didn't reply se sent another saying "are you ignoring me?" "why are you ignoring me?" to which I replied "sorry not a good night for me will message soon" (she constantly does this if you don't reply straight away so a few days later I sent a message explaining why I didn't want to talk as partner was really upset, then the only other messages were asking to go see her or how we are etc I'm currently pregnant and found out I have a low placenta and to take it easy etc and was abit worried and stressed about that news as well as my son having a chest infection and was really bad with it and my mum being rushed to hospital so I have been worrying about that too so have been really busy I haven't heard from her for a few weeks until I got that message, which I replied "how dare you I have had alot of things worrying me with ds being I'll partners friend dying and my dm being in hospital my world if you can't understand that it's not all about me it's all about my family and not remembering to send you a message every single day then you are not a friend at all" so aibu to be very annoyed about receiving this message? And replying with what I did?

OP posts:
Report
trackies · 31/05/2013 15:43

She is most definitely not a friend. Not a nice ending but you are well rid of her. Hope everything else starts looking up soon. In time, you will have forgotten about the childish loon

Report
usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 15:42

I'm expecting a spin off thread about using paragraphs on MN sometime soon.

Report
usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 15:39

I'm not sure who's having a go at who anymore. Grin

Report
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 31/05/2013 15:38

quesadilla good post, I've learned my lesson.

good point too usual about the grammar police. I hope the OP has not been scared off - or pissed off!

Report
Buzzardbird · 31/05/2013 15:34

You have enough stress already Op and it's not good for you.

Delete her, block her number and try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy.

I had a friend exactly like this,tried it on with every man I ever dated and then would urn up at my house if I didn't reply immediately to her messages.

The final straw came when my dgf died and she went bat shit crazy at me when I dared to turn to another friend for comfort. Abusive messages the lot.

This is when I blocked her.

Do yourself a huge favour

Report
BOF · 31/05/2013 15:32

Are you having a go at me having a go at you having a go at posters having a go about not using paragraphs?

This might make quite a good song.

Report
usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 15:29

If no one had jumped in to tell the grammar police to back off, this whole thread would have been full of 'omg my eyes' posts.

Report
usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 15:25

I did actually tell the OP to dump her mate, as well as have the arse about the grammar police.

Report
BOF · 31/05/2013 15:16

I was going to say that the "not giving a shit" about the OP's problem (it's the internet- who really gives a shit about any if it?) applies at least equally to the posters who have turned up to poke the Grammar Police.

I have just added another layer to this whole thing by only posting to criticise THAT

Report
MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 31/05/2013 15:13

Not a u-turn, TheBird, an addition to my earlier post. My point about paragraph very much stands.

And those posting solely to jump up and down at the grammar police are as unhelpful as the grammar police themselves.

Report
TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 31/05/2013 15:02
Report
FunnysInLaJardin · 31/05/2013 14:26

tbh I'm surprised that there were no comments on the OP's username.............

Report
quoteunquote · 31/05/2013 14:19

out not up

Report
quoteunquote · 31/05/2013 14:19

sounds like she needs to grow up, you are well rid, I hope she gets the help she needs, but as you say you are meant to be taking it easy, so do, take the easy route up, and just reply to her,

saying she's "going to delete me off whatsapp

Yes that would be for the best.

Report
FobblyWoof · 31/05/2013 14:09

I'd be a bit miffed at her message but also relieved I don't have to deal with her anymore so I wouldn't worry about it.

Honestly, I'm waiting for a friend to do this with me. Sounds bad but last year when I, very nicely, raised some issues with her she went absolutely mental, ended up making me feel guilty and apologising! Sometimes it's just easier to avoid. You've got your out not- be glad for it Smile

Report
MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 31/05/2013 13:44

I was one of the first posters to ask for paragraphs. I genuinely struggled to read the OP, and was sincerely trying to be helpful to the OP by suggesting paragraphs - if things are easier to read, they tend to get a better response.

As it is, the OP has to wade through postings criticising the people who have commented on the paragraphs/grammar which also do not answer her questions, and they are probably as unhelpful as posts which ask for paragraphs and do not contribute. I do accept that it was poor form to make my paragraphs comment my only comment.

I'm pretty relaxed about grammar - IMVHO an internet forum doesn't necessarily require perfect grammar, compared to, say, a solicitor's letter.

OP - YANBU to be upset, or to have sent the message. Consider the loss of friendship a positive thing. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Report
Pagwatch · 31/05/2013 13:27

Fair enough SDTG. I genuinely can't read much textspeak.

But tbh there is a difference between one individual genuinely having trouble understanding large blocks of text and a group of people posting sniffily.
And if they can't or won't read it, why post?

Report
quesadilla · 31/05/2013 13:12

Than you AlexReid: its one thing to ask nicely for paragraph breaks, it's quite another to exclaim in faux horror at the dreadful syntax of the plebs (which is the way some of these posts read.)

If someone is posting in distress or concern and you really are having trouble reading, there are ways to get this across sensitively without crushing them. Or just move on and don't post. The OP will survive without the benefit of your views on punctuation.

I don't know the OP from Adam so don't want to judge her circumstances or reasons but there are many possible factors which make it difficult to post properly thought out standard English on talkboards.

These include technology (which the OP has mentioned), poor eyesight, poor education, English as a second language, dyslexia and that's just off the top of my head. What you lot are effectively doing is making anyone in any one of these situations feel less likely to reach out for help or advice on here if their written English is less than perfect.

I work with the written word for a living and yes, poor prose and grammar can be a barrier to understanding but if you all think failure to use clear written English should be the absolute first thing you mention, without any preamble or politeness you all have a word with yourselves.

As someone else pointed out higher up, if the OP had come on here as the first port of call after a DV incident, to a barrage of "paragraphs please," the effect could have been devastating.

Priorities... Sheesh.

Report
DeepRedBetty · 31/05/2013 13:10

Hi OP sorry your phone is making posting hard. I managed to read your first post, just, but found it really hard to compose a reply as everytime I looked back to address a point I couldn't find the bit I was looking for. Then my pc crashed anyway and I've only just got back on.

You do seem well out of this 'friendship' now that I've seen a broken-into-paragraphs version. Your 'friend' fairly obviously has either MH or addiction issues or both, and you are, yourself, too vulnerable to shoulder the burden of helping. In an ideal world of course we support friends through their troubles, but it isn't an ideal world and your own family has to come first.

Report
TonytheFish · 31/05/2013 12:59

"OctopusPete8 Fri 31-May-13 11:46:01
My eyes! paragraphs!"

yes dear, unfortunately you are about 20 or so posts too late at least!

Good job this isn't a more serious subject really. Anyway, now you can all trot off with a lovely warm sense of superiority!

As to the op, you sound well rid.

Report
2rebecca · 31/05/2013 12:41

I'd be initially angry, then relieved that she has ended the relationship so that I don't have to. ignore her from now on and move on.

Report
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/05/2013 12:17

It genuinely isn't that I can't be arsed, Pagwatch - I find posts like that screw my eyes up and make my brain go squirrelly, and it is a headachy struggle to read them.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

minouminou · 31/05/2013 12:08

I've seen people on here say things like "I can see you're upset and I want to help, but could you break your post up into paras so I can read it better?"
That's how you do it.

Report
Tequilatequila · 31/05/2013 12:06

Yanbu to be annoyed.

But seriously.. paragraphs.

Report
Pagwatch · 31/05/2013 12:06

No, I find textspeak imposible.
The ops post just required careful reading.

And how much valuable support is likely to be forthcoming from people who require a post to be pithy and well structured or they can't be arsed?

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.