To think this was innappropriate?

[CaramelisedOnion]

Woman in manchester with 3 year old girl today - my son (2) (who is mixed race) waves at little girl...I say the usual "that´s nice to say hello to the little girl - what´s your name" to the mother - who tells me her little girls name and asks my son´s name....

I tell her she then say "Look (little girl´s name) K´s got crazy hair like RaRa the Noisy Lion!".

I resist deep urge to knock her fucking teeth out. WHY do people think this is ok!?!

its the equivalent of me saying "look K....the little girl has pale pink skin - just like Peppa Pig!" - (which would obviously be totally rude and inappropriate)


its the same thing....LOOK ! THAT KID HAS A DIFFERENT PHYSICAL FEATURE TO YOU!! FOCUS ON THAT!! ugh.

Or maybe I´m being over sensitive? huh.

[mercibucket]

Oh yeah, forgot the curly hair part of it too

Op, curly hair is always remarked upon as if a minor miracle. It's the hair straightener generation

[mercibucket]

Don't see it myself, hair not skin colour, so not the same as 'pale pink skin like peppa pig'
All mine have red hair, it's always commented on and always has been. So long as the intention is kindly, I am fine with it.

[likeitorlumpit]

yabu , talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

[ChocolateHelps]

My youngest daughter is white and has really curly hair. Almost only adults comment on it, positively, but it is annoying. It's just like a toddler saying what they see but adults (esp of a retired age) seem to have no problem going on about her hair or patting her hair or, worst, saying its gorgeous now but she'll hate it when she's older WHEN SHE'S STANDING RIGHT THERE!!! So, I agree with you feeling v annoyed but its possible it had nothing to do with race

[KirjavaTheCat]

Bet she's grimacing and regretting that one right now. I would be. Very misjudged... I think if it had come from her daughter it would have been entirely endearing, to me at least.

Never had anything like that with my son, though one funny encounter. We live in a very white area, and I was walking in town with him. A little boy walks past and has the exact same texture hair as DS. I mean it was identical, same length! DS went "LOOK MUMMY, BOY HAS CURLY WURLY HAIR LIKE ME!!!" me and the mum had a good chat outside co-op. She said if she saw my DS in the street from the back she'd wonder who'd kidnapped her son

I'd be a bit too, OP. Yanbu.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

YANBU.

[RenterNomad]

I imagine it would have sounded a lot nicer had it been the girl using the "crazy" adjective and making the RaaRaa comparison. From a grownup, any animal comparison is a lot less complimentary. I'm white and wear my hair up, and there's sometimes a little tuft sticking out of my updo: yet when I finally go... er... completely grey ha ha, who am I kidding? I won't be flattered by heron comparisons from an adult, whereas from a child that might be quite sweet!

Then again, it might not be sweet, and it's an idiotic adult who puts such an idea into a child's head and endorses it as ok to shout out in public!

[ILoveFrogs]

If it was just a comment about his crazy hair then YABU. My son has wild hair, it's quite long and it's absolutely beautiful when it has just been blow dried but being only 3 it usually ends up fuzzy, wild and full of sticky stuff, my uncle even calls him baby Gummidge. It's usually the first thing people comment on if they have just met him or haven't seen him in a while. I see no racism in that comment, which I get the feeling you're implying in your OP.

[loofet]

Also I think you are perpetuating racism by making a harmless comment about hair automatically racist. Oh how dare she comment on my son's afro hair, SHE MUST BE RACIST SCUM!

[loofet]

Well i'm shocked people think yanbu tbh. I think you're being way over sensitive. Perhaps 'crazy' was the wrong word and she could have said something more complimentary like lovely but I don't think your child's hair being compared to a cartoon lion is offensive at all.. If she'd have said something about skin colour then that's different entirely but she wasn't making a point of that, just commenting on his hair which i'm positive came from a point of admiration.

She was trying to be kind and give a compliment I think, I highly doubt there was anything malicious intended at all. What if your son was white but had an afro or just really curly hair and she'd said it, then would it be offensive? Should we all just shy away from pointing anything out about anyone of a different race to ourselves? Meh.

[BarredfromhavingStella]

Yabu & massively oversensitive ffs, stop looking for an issue where there isn't one!!!

Also if I had the comment of nice tits aimed at me I'd say yes they are rather fabulous I agree

[DoJo]

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie
'It's bollocks. Learn the right terms, stop saying stupid things...not difficult.'

But that line of reasoning assumes that there are objective rules about what is offensive, which there aren't. Should I insist on describing a colleague of mine 'mixed race' even though she identifies herself as 'half caste'? Are black people reclaiming the N word or perpetuating a term of racial abuse when they use it to one another? Generalising about what offends people is impossible when different cultures use different terminology to mean different things even within fairly small geographic areas. I just think that words aren't racist in and of themselves- people are, so if a person can use all the 'correct' terminology but still express an abhorrent opinion, then the opposite must also be true.

[CrapBag]

Voice yes of course you are right in that context.

I just remember reading something before (may have been total bollocks really) about young children not noticing things like skin colour until they were older. Although like you, if you were brought up somewhere where everyone was white, then someone who isn't would really stand out (in the eyes of a child).

[Lovingfreedom]

It is offensive because she is comparing your child's hair with that of a cartoon animal and saying it's crazy. The racial aspect comes in due to a tendency of some to (either consciously or unconsciously) objectify or generalise about people from other races 'they have the most beautiful children'...'their skin is so soft'....and so on. In this case, the woman is treating your son like something of a curiosity...with crazy hair like a lion. YANBU

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Fucking hell Pendeen, that was a cheap shot - you're making light of the history of racial abuse?

[Pendeen]

"..white children haven't suffered centuries of abuse"

Must be a very old 'child' indeed to have suffered for centuries.

[VoiceofUnreason]

crapbag - not true, young children DO notice race even without it being pointed out to them. I was brought up in a relatively small town. Everyone, and I mean, everyone was white. My parents went to a rugby match at the local club. I was 3 and a bit (my parents remind me of this quite regularly) and there was a black guy there. I'd never seen a black guy. I just kept staring at him all the time. Then I very loudly said to my mum "What's wrong with that man, he's all black?!"

My mum wanted the earth to open up and swallow her. Everyone looked and then burst out laughing. Including the black guy, who literally kept laughing for the rest of the day about it.

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Tee

About two minutes into a one night stand?

Definitely inappropriate in, say, an interview.

[shockers]

OP, would you have been offended if she had said, 'Look XXXXX, hasn't he got fabulous hair?'

I ask because that would still be a comment on the fact that your son's hair is curly because he is mixed race.

Would you prefer people to just not say anything at all?

This is a genuine question, I'm not being arsey, but I realise that written down, it sounds slightly confrontational.

[DiseasesOfTheSheep]

AND sheep...by your reckoning "racial equality" would mean that it was ok to call a white kid Honky and a black kid the N word.

Actually, that's something of a peculiar and unimplied leap. I actually said that if it's inappropriate to a mixed race child, it's inappropriate full stop - therefore wrt your analogy, it would be inappropriate to use either of those terms. It's not rocket science

[Tee2072]

I would agree that it wasn't necessarily racially motivated, i.e. it doesn't automatically follow that the mum is racist, but I would agree it was asinine thing to say.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

AND sheep...by your reckoning "racial equality" would mean that it was ok to call a white kid Honky and a black kid the N word. Which it isn't.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

No sheep....white children haven't suffered centuries of abuse and the affects of that. So it's not the same. It's not polite to make personal comments about ANYONE'S appearance though.

[DiseasesOfTheSheep]

I'd have thought it was a compliment - crazy = cool, in some people's minds.

I don't really agree that it becomes racially loaded because of the race of the child it's said too - if it's inappropriate to a mixed race child, it's inappropriate to a white child, in my book. That's racial equality

It's an odd thing to say, but it doesn't strike me as racially motivated.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

DoJo the trouble with that line of thinking is that racists get excused too often. "Oh I don't think she KNEW it was wrong to say that.;.." and "Oh I can never remember the correct terms...I never meant to be rude."

It's bollocks. Learn the right terms, stop saying stupid things...not difficult.