AIBU and judgey or would you feel the same?

[StuffezLaYoni]

I'm trying to let out my spare room and had two people interested. One is a student who admits she doesn't know whether she definitely wants the room or not (I'm meeting her today.) she also couldn't move in til the end of September.
The other woman is in full time work, but needs somewhere good for transport, like my room, as she has been banned for drink driving. AIBU to have already decided not to let the room to her? She is able to move in this week, has her own furniture and I really really need the money.
I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable by making judgement based on this one bit of information. Opinions?

[CarpeVinum]

Totting up your shopping and being out by 20 euros when you get to the till is making a mistake.

Drink driving is a grave error of judgement at the very least.

[SoupDragon]

Of course, the student may turn out to be a drug user but hasn't mentioned it. The nice lady who replies to the ad next week may be a compulsive liar, the next person a thief...

This woman has freely said she has a ban for drink driving. If she was out the other side of her ban she would never have mentioned it again and would still be the same person.

People who have been convicted of drink driving are not all weak willed or "messed up." Some are wankers, some just made a mistake, some fall across the middle.

The fact that this woman has a ban is, IMO, a red herring. Either the OP gets on with her or not and she can let the room to whoever she feels comfortable with.

[DontmindifIdo]

LimitedEditionLady - I can't talk for the OP, but for me, the drink driving ban would suggest that this is potentially a weak willed person, they tend to be 'hard work' people as well, not ideal housemate type.

It also could be that this woman has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I know a few people who've had driving bans due to alcohol - all would balk at the idea they are alcoholics, but they certainly have unhealthy relationships with drink and drink too much with a very warped view of what is normal levels, again, this is rarely a good housemate type, particularly if they have similar friends and the OP's house is well placed for public transport after a night out.

But generally, few people who end up with drink driving bans are the sort of people who are completely together - they tend to be at least a little messed up, one thing supporting through that if it's someone you know and care about, but a complete stranger - why bother?

Plus it's not like the student, if you have a personality clash with them, at least it's only until the end of the academic year you have to put up with them, but getting the drunk driver out if you dont get on or she just turns out to be hard work - could be tricky.

[crashdoll]

I would meet her but I would also ask the circumstances surrounding it, since she volunteered the information in the first place. This is your home, you have every right to be judgey! Do meet her and trust your gut when you do.

[ivanapoo]

I know someone who was convicted of drink driving. They were young, foolish and made a stupid decision. No one was hurt but of course they could have been.

She is a lot more sensible as a result of this.

I would respect the drink driving woman's honesty but would also like to know a bit more about her first. I would also try to find a third choice simply as a comparison if nothing else.

[CarpeVinum]

Why does a drink driving ban make you not want her to have the room?shes not going to get drunk and drive your room.youre being quite judgemental but at the end of the day its your room.


I think the MN "Judgemental much ?" card just jumped the shark with that one.

Here's a heads up, if you are found guilty of breaking the law in such a way that other people's lives were put at risk due to an over consumption of alcohol prior to driving, complete strangers may take that information and USE THEIR JUDGEMENT to conclude that there are too many potential red flags to make them want to take the risk of having you live in their home.

If that upsets people, well look at it as yet another reason to not drink and drive.

[LimitedEditionLady]

Why does a drink driving ban make you not want her to have the room?shes not going to get drunk and drive your room.youre being quite judgemental but at the end of the day its your room.

[TSO]

YANBU at all. You're considering not just inviting someone into your home but also into your life to some extent. You have to be happy with the arrangement, it's not like employing someone to work in your office who you can walk away from at 5pm.

Personally I wouldn't have anyone in my house who'd been convicted of drunk driving, whether for 6 months or 6 minutes so imho you're not being unreasonable there either.

[VitoCorleone]

It would depend on the circumstances as to wether id judge. If she'd been out on an all day session then drove home and got caught then i would judge her. If she had been drinking the night before and still had too much alcohol in her system next day and got caught then then i dont think id judge, i supposr next day when you feel sober its hard to know if you're still over the limit.

However, just because somebody has a drink driving ban it doesnt mean they are an alcoholic or have alcohol issues.

Ive been teetotal for 3 years, if i went out and had a pint now id probably think "its ok, ive only had one" and might drive, but because im teetotal one pint would affect me a hell of a lot more than it would affect somebody who drinks alot. But i dont drink anyway so would never have this problem.

Anyway i know that makes no difference because they measure the alcohol in your system so really ive lost my train of thought and cant remember my actual point.

[SoupDragon]

As an aside, I think more people are killed through speeding. Do you plan on finding out any prospective tenant's driving history?

I think you should just go with the person you feel you can live with.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

I wouldnt either, i abide drink driving. So many innocent lives out at risk through the actions of one person.

You want omebody you can trust in your home so dont rush the process.

[DontmindifIdo]

i would say keep advertising. The drink driver woman might be the sort who got caught the next day, or caught after having a couple of glasses at lunchtime but now it was 10pm at night etc, or not. She might be the sort to have learned her lesson, or she might have a drink problem. Thing is, you won't find this out until you are living with her and it'll be hard to get rid.

As for the student, it sounds like she's going through a great big pile of emotional turmoil, not sure I'd want that in the house either - but then, she's got until September to sort her head out. There might be other students interested if you keep advertising, (or visiting lecturer if you're close to the uni, could you contact the university and advertise with them?) and a student is a fixed term rental - you are probably only looking at them wanting the room for a year. This means if you don't get on with them, you've got a clear "end in sight" of them leaving without trying to get rid of them.

[StuffezLaYoni]

Well, the student was a really nice girl but very indecisive about where she wants to live. Turns out her original arrangements were scuppers when her boyfriend and best friend decide to shag behind her back, making it impossible for her to move in with best friend. Shocked how expensive she said it was to move back into college though - six grand!!

Am going to meet this other woman during the week. Herrera, that's a really interesting story and quite uncomfortable reading. I actually think we should carry breathalysers around with us here, too.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Control geek makes a very important point.

My friend was give a breathalyser as part of a works training programme. They had a good muck around with it one night while having a drink. The next evening as she was getting ready to drive somewhere she decided to breathalyse herself.

She was well over the limit. Massively, over! She had been to bed, eaten three meals and was driving somewhere gone 7pm the next day!

Needless to say she did not go but she did realise that she must have driven over the limit a lot of times before without realising.
This is why in France you must now carry a breathalyser!

By all means judge the person moving into your home, if course you must but at least meet her and judge her in person. She may not have a drink problem at all.

If after spending some time in her company you think to yourself, I don't want to live with this person then absolutely don't!

[StuffezLaYoni]

Basically, when I was being treated shittily in my old job I would come home and neck a bottle of wine every single night. Now I am in a great job I am doing my best to stop this. I have been excruciatingly skint this month so have not drunk at home at all, which is great, but I don't know how I would feel if I had to share with someone who drank heavily in the evenings.
Like you all say, it's my home and I don't want to feel uncomfortable in it. Thank you all. The student is popping over for a cup of tea in a short while so I am going to have a quick tidy.

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

What I think you should be cautious of op is if she has an ongoing alcohol issue which could affect her lifestyle and the ambience of your home. For that reason I think you need to ask a bit more.

Especially was you say you are working hard at reducing your alcohol intake.

I don't think that's being judgemental, it's just about wanting someone with a similar lifestyle to share your home with.

[CarpeVinum]

Not a chance.

I would not want somebody with a drinking problem sharing my living space.

In the context you've described there is as much room for drinking problem having been the root cause of her ban as it being caused by a single out of character stupid mistake.

So no. I would not take the chance of finding out it was the former rather than the latter once she had moved in.

[Branleuse]

i wouldnt rent to either of them

[claudedebussy]

this is for someone living in your HOUSE. being judgemental is absolutely a requirement!

so i wouldn't rent to banned woman. i'd put student on hold since you need someone a lot sooner.

hang out for as long as you can to get the right person.

drink driving woman sounds like recipe for disaster if you already have alcohol issues.

[AnnieLobeseder]

Personally I wouldn't take either and would keep looking.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

cross-posted with you, Stuffez. You must do whatever you think is best.

Saying that, I think she would have understanding of your own alcohol problems and could potentially be a terrific support? What about introducing an alcohol-free home or maybe a month's trial?

[MarianaTrench]

A bit different but I employed someone with a drink driving ban after I heard the circumstances. She was a recovering alcoholic at that point and very up front about what had led to her alcoholism and her driving ban. She was a great employee.