FIL made a comment to OH at the weekend saying that he is having a 'rethink' about family because he was left alone on xmas day. Im getting really fed up of this, its the same every christmas, we can never do it right. This is the back story:
Arguments started the first xmas after Lo was born (2011). At the time we were living in a flat and didnt really have the room to host christmas, so we thought we would go to either my parents (MIL would come to my parents because FIL wont have her round for xmas since they split up) or FIL for xmas day and then go to the other's to stay over xmas day night and boxing day. That way everyone got to see LO on his first xmas and we would do it the opposite way round for 2012 (we expected to have a house after this).
we tossed a coin to decide whose parents we were going to go to and FIL won. You would think he would be happy with this, but as soon as it was decided he started making more demands - he wanted us to stay xmas eve and stay until LO's bedtime xmas day so my parents wouldnt get a chance to see him etc. OH said no, because i wanted to spend an hour or so of xmas morning by ourselves as family time (because i wouldnt get a chance to see LO otherwise as everybody else would be stealing him all day ;) ). He thought i was being selfish suggesting this and was making it hard work for OH because he would have to rush to his and then rush to my mum and dads sigh (we got to his at 10 and left at 5 so we had plenty of time at his!). HE then started being all martyr ish and was saying no go to my parents for xmas and he would have us next year. OH said no we were going to his and it would be exactly the same situation the following year.
In january 2012 i had a career change and we had enough money to afford a deposit on a house earlier then expected. This mean that we could host xmas ourselves, but i was a bit nervous of rocking the boat since we had said we would do the opposite of what we had done the year before! However, unfortunately my dad was diagnosed with cancer and had to have an operation, at the end of last year. because of all this extra pressure, i asked if my mum and dad would prefer to come to ours soo they didnt have to worry about it (especially since MIL was coming and SIL and BIL wanted to pop in too) and they said yes.
So we started a new system. We would host christmas dinner - alternate my parents and MIL with FIL (And BIL and SIL if they want to come too) , but after christmas dinner whoever wants to come and see LO can do so. We would then spend boxing day with the people we didnt spend xmas dinner with.
FIL refused to agree to come after xmas dinner (even though BIL and SIL came later on) saying he didnt want to see MIL or my parents (??!!). AGAIN he asked if he could come in the morning and OH explained again that we wanted time with just us has a family. He then went into sulk. Eventually we agreed he could come at 11. He said this was too late and refused to come.
BIL and SIL also decided to go to BIL's parent's house for christmas because they had never gone to them in the 7 years they have been dating (because of the same issues with FIL, but SIL gave into his demands). they invited FIL too but he said no he would rather spend it by himself.
He also had a gf at the time (split up now) and she invited him to come to her ex's for xmas (they get on well) or they could go away on holiday together. he refused both of these. He also got invited around to his neighbours for xmas and said no.
So aibu in thinking that 1.i over thinked xmas too much to make it as fair as possible and 2. FIL is bu for blaming us for him being alone for xmas??
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AIBU?
AIBU to think i sorted this out fairly??
14 replies
milf90 · 10/04/2013 10:25
OP posts:
TeamEdward ·
10/04/2013 12:12
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