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AIBU?

In thinking you don't sleep with your exes friends?

42 replies

nonamesavalible · 10/05/2011 00:02

I'm quite upset right now so please be gentle with me.
My husband of nearly 4 years and I split up 2 months ago due to his temper, since then things have gone ok between us and is is amicable, he sees the DCs nearly everyday and we are working on a friendship.
We hit a bump a couple of weeks ago as he wanted us to try again but I found out at the same time he has been on dating sites and seen a couple of local girls from the pub, thats fine he is single and we sorted the issues out and remained friends.

Anyway, I phoned him sunday morning to see if he was coming over to take DCs to the park and could tell he wasn't alone, but he agreed he was coming over.
An hour later he turns up, with a face full of guilt and admitted he has slept with a girl who was my best friend up until last month when we had a little fallout (nothing serious and I thought we would sort it out eventually), AIBU in thinking that is below the belt?

Then the girl turns up at MY house (she lives next door) to clear the air with me and starts making plans with him, I have no problem him seeing people and if she makes him happy then thats just great, but I can't get over the fact he slept with her knowing how well me and her got on, AIBU?

Sorry for the typing, I'm tired.

OP posts:
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AnyFucker · 10/05/2011 17:41

OP, perhaps you should go and jump his bezzie mate

why the hell not ?

he doesn't own you, and you don't have to appease him, right ?

better still, get off with said mate in front of him and stick your tongue right down his throat, whilst giving him a slow Wink

that is effectively what these two twats have done

like I said, just because it ain't illegal and it is possible, don't make it the right thing to do

dogs rutting have better manners than this

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ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 10/05/2011 14:36

If you split up with someone but hope to solve any issues and maybe try again you don't go sleeping with other people. Your ex is an arrogant twat if he thinks he can. To do so with your "best friend" who you've recently had an arguement with suggests to me he's done this on purpose, possibly to 'punish' you.

As for your so called friend Hmm with friends like her you don't need enemies, dump her.

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WhereYouLeftIt · 10/05/2011 14:35

"I did ask the ex how he thought it would help us get back together and it turned into a massive row with him saying it wasn't planned and anyway he will sleep with whoever he likes, at the moment he is sorting his issues out so until that is done he will do what he likes, then when he has sorted himself out we can get back together"

After only 2 months apart, he is on dating sites and shagging around? Hardly the actions of a man who longs to get back together with his wife. And you say you split due to his temper - just my opinion, but I've always seen temper as an expression of a sense of entitlement; outraged that someone is failing to see that the must completely agree with anything someone of their (delusional) magnificence desires. Be grateful he is showing his true colours.

As for your ex best friend and next door neighbour - now that's what I call a massive two-fingers-up to you. "Then the girl turns up at MY house (she lives next door) to clear the air with me and starts making plans with him" . It'sthe 'starts making plans' - also known as twisting the knife. Whatever it was you fell out about, it has obviously done nothing but fester in her for the last month, and she hasdecided to go for the jugular here. Not someone I would care to be friends with. She's still your neighbour, but never see her as anything above an acquaintance again.

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zipzap · 10/05/2011 13:27

What would his reaction be if you'd slept with his best friend(s)?

Betting that he wouldn't be so happy if you turned the situation around and wanted to have some fun sleeping around before getting back together when you felt like it!

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QuackQuackBoing · 10/05/2011 13:19

RobF If they are made for each other then they will be happy to wait for longer then 2 months and longer then 2 weeks after he was begging his wife to have him back. The fact that he still hopes his wife will have him bak proves that the husband and best friend are not "made for each other".

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/05/2011 13:04

Friends don't do that, they really don't.

Of course, there are some pitiable men and women about who don't get many offers, have few options and naturally, they must be permitted to 'get it' where they can. Bless them. :)

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RobF · 10/05/2011 12:59

What if they are made for each other? Why should they stay single and miserable just to appease the OP?

You have the right to not be friends with the woman anymore, but it seems a little selfish. Like a child who doesn't want to play with a toy anymore but doesn't want anyone else to play with it either.

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ScousyFogarty · 10/05/2011 12:17

NONAMES Better not sleep with exes friends. Life is complicated enough

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QuackQuackBoing · 10/05/2011 12:15

So he thinks you will take him back after he's had his dick up your best mate? (horrible way to put it I know). For me that would be the end. Whether or not I would have taken him back before, once he's done that there can be no going back. perhaps you should explain to him that HE has put the final nail in the coffin of the relationship.

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FlamingFannyDrawers · 10/05/2011 12:11

Its totally disrespectful. He sounds like a cunt and you're well rid of him in my opinion.

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rockinhippy · 10/05/2011 12:06

No you're not over reacting at all, what you are feeling is perfectly normal after such a short space of time, & from his reaction I think your ex knows that & had hoped to manipulate the situation by making you feel jealous - its back fired of course - why wouldn't itHmm

your friend however has no excuseHmm & the silly cow, whatever her motives - has allowed herself to be used by your ex - not that I feel any sympathy there she gets what she deservesGrin

& BTW I'm married to an old friends ex, so I'm not of the camp that it should NEVER happen [low morals obviouslyGrin - nice idea, but just not real life - but 2 months, even 2 years is way too soon for ANYONE to really think it is okay

good luck & don't let the b@stards grind you down [win]

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nonamesavalible · 10/05/2011 11:50

Thanks for all your replies, I was starting to think maybe I'm overeacting by letting it bother me.
I did ask the ex how he thought it would help us get back together and it turned into a massive row with him saying it wasn't planned and anyway he will sleep with whoever he likes, at the moment he is sorting his issues out so until that is done he will do what he likes, then when he has sorted himself out we can get back together Hmm

OP posts:
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rockinhippy · 10/05/2011 11:48

YABU & YANBU - you've split with him, he's single & you have to accept that this is likely to happen, as people generally find partners amongst their circle of friends, so in the real world, it can't be avoided.

BUT - its VERY VERY soon 0nly 2 monthsShock okay you've made it clear to your Ex there is no going back with you, so he has slightly more of an excuse, though has still thought with his dick & behaved like a complete arse, either that, or saw an opportunity with your friend to hurt you, in the hope it might make you see sense Hmm -

but your friend OMG What a complete bitch she is Angry - fall out or not - she sounds like she has real issues & was out to get at you - you deserve better friends - drop her like a ton of bricks!!

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 10/05/2011 11:47

No, you don't sleep with your ex's friends... not ever. Some people don't abide by that, but in my view they have very low morals. It's an unwritten rule and always has been... ex's are off limits.

For the deliberately obtuse on this thread, it's not 'people she knows', it's 'friends'. There is a huge difference - to people with morals, anyway.

I'm not surprised you're upset OP, I think you were intended to be and you won't suffer any for not counting this person as a friend to you anymore. I don't know whether you still have to see your ex for child reasons, but if not, cut him out too.

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Mamaz0n · 10/05/2011 11:41

I would want them both out of my life.

you don't sleep with your mates ex. you just don't.

and for him to sleep with your best mate just shows what a low life spitefull bastard he is.

This was either the act of the two most selfish bastards in the world or deliberatly orchestrated to cause you pain.

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prettyfly1 · 10/05/2011 11:40

Piglet not the point - just trying to be inflammatory for the sake of it.

Of course YANBU but tbh it sounds like they deserve each other. Prats. Ignore, and continue to try to be a grown up for your kids - well done on your attitude so far, sounds like you are worth far better.

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DameShirleyKnot · 10/05/2011 11:38

Don't be facetious

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PigletJohn · 10/05/2011 11:36

just to check, when a woman gets separated or divorced, or splits with her ex, is she allowed to hook up with anyone she already knows? Or is she required to go out looking for strangers?

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saffy85 · 10/05/2011 10:08

yanbu ino that is below the belt. Could your ex be attempting to make you jealous? He seems to date people you know, that now includes your mate- and he "confessed" to you the day after he slept with her. Even though it's nothing to do with you.

Oh and they hung around your house making plans about to do for later. Hmm Wankers. Both of them. You're better off without either of them.

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QuackQuackBoing · 10/05/2011 10:06

I agree with OXO, neither of these people are your friend. You best friend shouldn't sleep with you husband (I'm assuming you aren't divorced yet) especially seeing as you have only been slit up 8 weeks! And your husband, ex or otherwise, shouldn't sleep with your best friend, especially when he wanted to get back with you just 2 weeks ago!

It sounds like they were both trying to punish you, her for your falling out and him for not taking him back.

UANBU

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oxocube · 10/05/2011 09:49

Horrible and incredibly insensitive of them both. Neither are your friend Sad

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DameShirleyKnot · 10/05/2011 09:44

*head - unless you have more than one head? Blush

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DameShirleyKnot · 10/05/2011 09:43

YANBU.

I can never get my head round the whole "oh it's ok, you're not together anymore...let it wash over your head" stuff that I see on here.

Fucking your best friend is just spiteful IMO, and probably indicative of his shitty nature. Oh, and the friend? Skank.

Honestly? I would have nothing more to do with her, and I think you need to get some sort of rigidity into the access agreements. It's very hard to move on when he's there everyday, even if that is ostensibly to see the children.

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Katyrah · 10/05/2011 09:26

YANBU

I would never sleep with anyone my best friend and just slept with, never mind been married too, had DCs with and had only broken up with 8 weeks ago!!!

I'm really shocked that your friend would do that too you, they both sound like dicks!!!

Leave them too it, obv you have to still see your ex but find some decent friends!!!

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Icelollycraving · 10/05/2011 09:13

Yanbu. Your ex is an idiot,is this supposed to make you so riddled with jealousy that you accept him back on any terms? As for the friend/neighbour,she would have been given a v frosty reception! Rudeness!

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