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AIBU?

To think this is a bit cheeky?

12 replies

Flippingebay · 04/05/2011 11:29

I've been invited to a joint birthday party with the parents and a little boy. It's a fair way for us to travel and we'll be staying in a B&B overnight. I'm quite looking forward to it and don't mind the travelling etc as its something I want to attend.

However, and here's were I'm feeling a little I've just received an email, along with the other invitee's informing us that if we were going to buy a birthday pressy (which I would have done anyway) for their little boy, could they have vouchers instead from some highstreet stores, and they've named the places they want vouchers for.

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? Now I'm not loaded but I would have bought him something for around a tenner, clothes, toys etc, but I do feel that if I bought him a tenners worth of M&S vouchers it would appear I'm being a bit tight. I realise that they are putting on a buffet for the kids and probably paying for balloons etc but this is something i'd never have dreamed of doing, even if I did end up with hundreds of clothes my DS would never get around to wearing all of them. Surely it's the thought that counts and not the actual gifts?

OP posts:

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gkys · 04/05/2011 11:56

five ounds is ample for a school friend/ party gift, i tend to spend a little more on family and friends children, but it was a little rude, unless of course the dc in question has his heart set on a special something? a game or camera or the like, then in makes sense to ask for vouchers rather than a gift, its all in the wording!

don't get gifts get vouchers is rude, but ds has set his heart on blah blah blah, isn't as bad

if you putting in excess of ten pounds in a card my birthday is...

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TheProvincialLady · 04/05/2011 11:44

It's rude. If they are worried he will get loads of stuff he doesn't need they can always ask for no presents. If on the other hand they want to buy him specific gifts, they can simply open their own purses and do so. I hate this kind of thing.

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VinegarTits · 04/05/2011 11:43

just put a fiver in a card (and dont sign it )

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trixie123 · 04/05/2011 11:40

bit tricky but TBH maybe they are just dreading ending up with a pile of stuff that they dont need and have no space for. My immediate family have always been very up front about preferring their money to be spent in a way that will be useful / appreciated so lists, gift cards, specific requests etc are usually the way it goes. ON DS 1st birthday they asked what he needed and got that - we were appreciative of other presents but really have not got space for truckloads of noisy plastic all of which do pretty much the same thing.

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ExitPursuedByALamb · 04/05/2011 11:38

£10 used to be the maximum among DD's friends, but has now crept up to £15.

A couple of years ago a family was returning to Pakistan and had a leaving party for their DD. They said as they were flying out the next day, to bring money instead of presents . I sent DD with a fluffy pen and a small notepad for drawing on the plane. Tis a cheek to specify what you can give.

(ps - said family were back within 6 months as the children didn't settle)

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pirateparty · 04/05/2011 11:38

I hate this asking for presents thing but in answer to your question, £10 is entirely reasonable.

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millie30 · 04/05/2011 11:37

YANBU. I think this is really rude. The point is that you could find an item in a sale and buy a nice present for a cheaper price, and no one would know what you spent. But having to buy vouchers takes away that choice. I just think having a gift list is tacky anyway, especially for a child's birthday. Isn't part of the fun of being a child getting to open a present and having a suprise? They sound really grabby to me!

Just as an aside, several years ago my parents were invited to the 40th birthday of a family friend which she had organised herself. Along with the invite she sent out a gift list, including items for "group buying" and recommended that family groups or others could pool finances to buy her some of these gifts which included a tv set and weekend away!! Needless to say they politely declined the invitation!

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pluPassionatelyHatingAntiAV · 04/05/2011 11:37

If you're travelling to the event and staying in a B&B, I think you are exempt from gift list expectations. We said as much to our wedding guests who travelled to our weddding.