I have just come back from what was supposed to be a nice afternoon walk with dd1. Dd1 is 18, with ASD and learning difficulties. She has a dog phobia. We have worked on this many different ways, over the years, to no avail. She is currently having a course of therapy to try to help, but I am not holding out much hope. The therapist is lovely, and clearly trying hard, but is finding it quite tricky to explain concepts to dd1, so I’m guessing limited value at best. Dd1 is fully engaging as much as she can with this process, and I am (as ever) blown away by her perseverance and effort.
we went to a local-ish place, which we have gone to many, many, times. We went often, because there is a no-dog policy. (Aside from assistance dogs, which dd1 knows, understands the dogs are to help people, and tbh, a working assistance dog has never been an issue, as they are always well trained). The place now admits dogs, and there is no way to avoid them, at all.
I am thoroughly fed up. What used to be a proper stress free outing, no longer is. I have 2 younger dc, as well as dd1, and it was nice to be somewhere where we could all actually relax, and get on with having a nice afternoon, without being constantly on dog alert.
we already can’t easily go to:
the beach
playgrounds or parks
most NT properties
shopping centres (no idea why anyone thinks this is a good day out for a dog, but many now do)
local high street is overrun
theatres are becoming difficult - last time I went (thankfully without dd1!) there was a dog sitting a few seats along.
most local restaurants now admit dogs too, so eating out is difficult for dd1 too.
dd1 has recently been turned down for one of the (incredibly rare, difficult to get funded) SN college places because they have a therapy dog that visits, and feel they can’t have dd1 there too (tbh, this is nonsense, her school have a therapy dog visit, and it takes time and work, but it is possible, but yet another instance of bloody dogs apparently being more important than dd1)
I checked with the place on the way out (we managed to stay all of 15 minutes) whether the regular trails and events they do would be in the (very restricted) dog free areas - dd1 has always enjoyed these trails, and had already seen signs for one she wants to go to at Easter, and was reassured they would be. It would mean the trails are much shorter, as the dog free area is very small, but better than nothing. I have just gone to book tickets, and the notice reads ‘please be aware the trail goes through both dog free and dog friendly areas’
dd1 already has a limited life, and now it is more limited. I know people are entitled to have their dogs, and I know that this is very much our problem, but I am still massively pissed off. The only place we could guarantee was dog free, and now it isn’t.
we will manage. We will probably still go, but it won’t be as fun, or as easy. We will, once more, as a family, be constantly looking out for dogs, working out ways to avoid them, planning more than a few steps ahead, and not being able to just stroll along chatting and relaxing. It is just so bloody tiring.
just to be clear, this post is not about any assistance dogs at all, we have always been very clear with dd1 that even dog free areas may have a ‘helper dog’.
There isn’t much point to this post, as there isn’t anything that can be done. But I am so tired of trying and trying, and everything just becoming more and more difficult.
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I am just so tired and fed up (SN related)
14 replies
ElfDragon · 19/03/2023 15:49
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