WWYD: work friend

[GorgeousLadyofWrestling]

They are not performing and it’s been noticed. Their name comes up frequently as a poor performer. I don’t want to get into the specifics but it’s probably imminent.

I am their manager. I’m helping them as much as I can and I think also they know, deep down, it’s coming to crunch time. I can’t bear the thought of going into THAT meeting about to let them go, not having given them the heads up. But at the same time, I know it’s deeply unprofessional of me.

For the avoidance of doubt, all proper procedure has been followed.

Would you privately, off the record, let them know? I talked it over with DH and his view is their reaction might mean they throw me under the bus. But it is weighing heavily on my heart - we ARE friends but they can be a bit volatile.

[Justkeeppedaling]

If you say something to her you might find it you leaving, not her!

[AppleTangerine]

Surely you should have communicated to her as her manager if there are concerns about performance. She shouldn't be blindsided by a formal process?

[Suzysuz]

If proper procedure has been followed then this shouldn't be a surprise to her though?

Are they on a performance improvement plan?
Does that have clear measurable outcomes expected?
Is that being reviewed with them regularly?
Has the whole process and steps been outlined to them, as in performance improvement plan for x time, and if not improved then a/b/c potential outcomes (one of which will be dismissal)

[GorgeousLadyofWrestling]

It’s guilt that’s making me even entertain it. I wouldn’t actually ever because I take my seniority very seriously. I love my job and don’t/ won’t jeopardise that.

We were good friends when we were peers and it’s been difficult moving up into the position of their manager. I have pulled back a lot on the friendship aspect because it compromised both of us but I still care about them and want them to do well. I know they will take it very badly.

[jelly79]

Procedure would mean that they know what's expected throughout and why the next steps are. So they really must know what the next meeting will involve. If it's been done properly there will be no surprises and there will of been plenty of opportunity to improve

If you have an off the record conversation you will be preempted the decision and could come back to bite you

[WorriedGiraffe]

You can’t tell your friend. These processes are in place to protect employees and your friend deserves to be treated fairly in that process, you telling them would to ease your own guilt (not that you should feel any, you Havnt done anything wrong), and to protect yourself in the friendship. I can’t see how it could actually help that employee in their work roll.

[Drywhitefruitycidergin]

Definitely don't say anything - that would be hugely unprofessional & would undermine the formal process.
It's one of the worst parts of people management but also ime can work out OK if the person genuinely isn't suited to the role & can go off and do something different and get a fresh start.

[rookiemere]

No you have to follow the process to the letter. You give her advance warning and what happens if she tells someone you told her ?
You've followed due process so she will have had ample time to improve.

[DragonMovie]

Can you get someone that’s equally as senior to you to help out somehow? You’re in quite a compromised position.

[GorgeousLadyofWrestling]

@Justkeeppedaling we were peers within the team, became friends and I was promoted up.

As I said - proper procedure has been followed. Despite that, they are hopeful they can turn it around.

@StripeyDeckchair yes you are completely right. I know this. I just feel terrible about it.

[StripeyDeckchair]

If you want to lose your job - tell her
If you want to stay working there - say nothing

I can't believe you're asking this - you must know it would be against HR policy if you tell her.
Be professional & stay quiet

[Hairyfairy01]

If proper procedure has been followed then surely they have had several warnings, had to complete competencies etc? In which case surely they will be very aware that they are highly likely to be dismissed?

[Justkeeppedaling]

You can't just let them go sack someone without at least putting them on a performance improvement plan for a while and then giving them verbal and written warnings.
It's not that easy to "let people go" these days.

And BTW - you should never have got into a position where you're line manager to a friend. It's not very professional, and will cause trouble in both your work and social lives - as you're finding out.

[LovelyBitOfSquirrelInTheWirral]

I think your DH could be right, especially if she is volatile.