I'm in my local caff, which is owned and run by a Turkish family. I come here regularly and have a warm relationship with the owners. A part-time member of staff clears tables and I ignorantly assumed she was Turkish, and haven't questioned that assumption before now. But when she came to clear my table 10 minutes ago I thanked her in Turkish (am learning some basics and the owners are encouraging me.) She asked me to repeat what I'd said and then told me she wasn't Turkish. I asked her where she's from originally and after she told me I said, &quot;But you look Turkish, with your colouring.&quot; <img border="0" src="/emo/te/11.gif" alt="confused" data-emoticon="confused"> I mean, wtf? Where does this shit come from? I know I have 'automatic' racist thoughts and I attribute them (and that way of thinking) to my background (70s childhood, racist parents and environment, to some extent). It makes me feel ashamed and I try both to monitor those automatic thoughts and watch out for unconscious biases. But an incident like this - I had already ordered another cup of tea and I'm sitting here burning with shame knowing other customers probably heard my offensive comments. And goodness knows what the owners must think of me. I'm dreading getting up and walking out because I always say goodbye to them and right now I can't face them. I wish I'd never opened my mouth, given the unguarded shit that can come out of it.<br><br>How does this ever really get resolved? I suppose I'm asking if others ever hear themselves come out with racist comments and wonder is it a throwback to my upbringing that goes hideously deep, or is it me? <br><br>I wonder if I've upset the staff member, how she might be feeling. Fucking hell, maybe there's a chink of hope that I'm not making it <strong>all</strong> about me <img border="0" src="/emo/te/9.gif" alt="hmm" data-emoticon="hmm">