Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

My husband cheated on me last night
943

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

AnyaMumsnet · 13/05/2019 10:19

Hi there everyone,

As you can see we have deleted really quite a few posts from the thread, and it's gone far off track. It'd be really great if we can get the thread back to being a support thread, rather than a debate.

OP, if you'd like the thread moved to Relationships, let us know - we hope you and your DC are ok Flowers

Please
or
to access all these features

NineinaBed · 13/05/2019 10:19

Why the fuck would a 17 year old want a middle aged man? At that age I certainly didn't! And what the fuck is wrong with a man who let a teen suck him off so he can get off!

Thinking of you this morning OP you definitely need some space from him to get your head around things and what you want to do next. Send him to his parents and definitely tell him mum when she phones you.

Please
or
to access all these features

BeardyButton · 13/05/2019 10:20

Im with you OP. It would be horrific if it was with any woman (irrespective of age). Yet the age difference..... For me this would be a very pertinent consideration too. When i think of every single teenager i know, have taught and me at that age, i think of naivety and lack of experience. That is so so so easily taken advantage of. When i think of a grown man having a sexual experience with a child of this age, I think of a predator taking advantage.

Please
or
to access all these features

ColchesterElderly · 13/05/2019 10:20

derailed not detailed FFS autocorrect

Please
or
to access all these features

Elliss2018 · 13/05/2019 10:21

So sorry you're going through this OP! Can't believe that your husband would treat you like this!

Please
or
to access all these features

feelingsinister · 13/05/2019 10:22

I really do think the age of the girl is relevant too. Obviously getting a blowjob off anyone is completely out of order but it feels worse because of her age.

I have friends with children around that age and they are young and impressionable. Fooling around with lads their own age and a bit older is absolutely fine and natural but this is very different. Whilst it's not illegal and she is entitled to make her own choices, it would concern me that he would do that. She's a child and he's more than twice her age. What a disgusting arsehole.

Please
or
to access all these features

OceanViewSentosa · 13/05/2019 10:23

If my DH had an affair I would be heartbroken and ask him to leave. If my DH had sexual relations with a 17-year old or even a bit older I would be utterly disgusted and in the toilet retching and I would have him out the house instantly.

This reminds me of a thread I nearly started. I've been watching the TV show "Take Me Out" and every now and again they have a silver fox in his 50's-60's on the show. All the girls bar about 2 turn their lights off after they twirl their beer bellies around the floor to Tom Jones or Frank Sinatra. It makes me feel ill. What is it about these men who are middle aged and think young women want them? Most of these girls in the show look appalled.

What I want to know is how little respect does that girl have for herself. When I was 17 I didn't like going out with boys younger than me and I stayed within about 2-3 years older than me. Anyone who approached me in their 30's or 40's would have received a laugh in the face.

Please
or
to access all these features

BeardyButton · 13/05/2019 10:24

Also! Im thinking of you. And, for what its worth, i bet there are hundreds of other women thinking of you. Do whats best for you and your kids. Don't give him any consideration. At all. He lost that right. I have to say. Its hard to believe he threw everything away for fumble in a back alley. The last thing I want to do is upset you, but I would be suspicious that there is more to this. Sometimes people will tell part of an unappealing truth to hide a bigger lie.

Please
or
to access all these features

AryaStarkWolf · 13/05/2019 10:24

feelingsinister Totally agree, my DD is 19 and is still in school. I would be horrified if some guy twice her age did this to her, it would be totally taking advantage imo

Please
or
to access all these features

QuilliamCakespeare · 13/05/2019 10:28

Stay strong OP. I'd definitely tell my DH's mum too if this happened and I know she'd back me all the way. A blowjob is most definitely still cheating and his behaviour has been disgusting. I hope he's thoroughly ashamed of himself once he sobers up. You and you children deserve better.

Please
or
to access all these features

Jellybeansincognito · 13/05/2019 10:28

You should definitely call your parents in law and explain what’s happened too, they sound supportive and will certainly get him away for you until things are talkable. Hope you’re ok x

Please
or
to access all these features

OceanViewSentosa · 13/05/2019 10:29

Do men genuinely not think?

Do they not spend a split second thinking "well, I have a Wife and DC and a blow job is really not worth armageddon". Or is it worth it to them? Are they so thick, so selfish that a few minutes pleasure is worth the destruction it causes?

I'll never understand how a man does this and not think before he does it.

Please
or
to access all these features

SirVixofVixHall · 13/05/2019 10:31

Bloody hell op, what a pig he has been. i don’t think I could forgive that either. He clearly thinks he can shrug this off , the old Bill Clinton defence of a blowjob not being “sexual relations”, and a much younger girl being of no consequence.
Like Bill Clinton, he has exposed himself as selfish, creepy and vain. As you say, this girl could be still at school ! Ugggh.

Please
or
to access all these features

pumpkinpie01 · 13/05/2019 10:31

This is just beyond awful, my DD is 17 and the thought of her with a man that age makes me feel sick. If I were you Op, as soon as you hear him getting up start packing his stuff and tell him to get out, to his mums or anywhere. Definitely do not let him in that flat - that's yours and you will need it. I cant see there is any coming back from this behaviour, its just disgusting and so awful for you. Big hugs x

Please
or
to access all these features

PregnantSea · 13/05/2019 10:34

I'm sorry that a thread which was so clearly a cry for support and advice got detailed by an idiot. Put that nonsense out of your head.

Have you kicked him out yet OP? Have you spoken to his mother yet? It's not your concern where he stays, that's his own problem. Don't let him stay in your flat, you need that rental income. You need to get his cheating arse out the house right now, let him figure out where he's going, and then speak to a solicitor. Do it today. The sooner you get everything sorted legally the sooner you and the DC can get on with your new life. I know it seems like the end of the world right now but you and the DC will absolutely be ok. You'll get wonderfully close during this alone time. Flowers

Please
or
to access all these features

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 13/05/2019 10:36

I have nothing new to add that hasn’t already been said by the all of the kind, supportive people on this thread. But I just wanted to add that in thinking of you OP, I’m truly sorry you’re going through this.

Please
or
to access all these features

SunshineCake · 13/05/2019 10:37

I'm so sorry, Wife. Flowers

I know the shock of this. Please be kind to yourself, don't worry about normal house rules. Do whatever gets you through for as long as it takes and yes, as PP have said, he goes today if only to give you space.

Please
or
to access all these features

BobLemon · 13/05/2019 10:37

Some of these post have made me wretch, but the screaming game has brightened my day right up Grin

You sound like you’ve got your head screwed on right, OP. I’m sure financially it’ll be a struggle, but keep your chin up and your self respect firmly front and centre and I think you’re going to be alright x

Please
or
to access all these features

VladmirsPoutine · 13/05/2019 10:37

If it's his home too how can he be kicked out or sent to his mothers?

What if he just says no?

That aside, this would be the end for me. No amount of time, sorrow would be enough for me to get over it and remain married. The flashbacks alone would be enough.

Please
or
to access all these features

happytobemrsg · 13/05/2019 10:39

This isn’t a thread about the morals around older men/ younger women. I met DH at 17 when he was 26. He waited til I was 18 before we did anything more than kiss because he LOVED & RESPECTED me. What OPs H has done is vile. OP I think you’re incredible & handling this perfectly Flowers

Please
or
to access all these features

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 10:41

He's still in bed, I want him to leave, can't bear that he's in the house but I'm trying to be level headed (not an easy feat) - the kids don't need to witness some Jeremy Kyle drama of me booting him out. I don't think he'll go easily in this state. I've actually got a bloke viewing the flat today at 2pm, DD is loads better and off school so I may risk a trip to McDonalds soon then go to do the flat viewing.

MIL won't read the message until lunchtime as her phone is put away when she's at work.

Why do I still feel responsible for him?! I'm worrying where he's going to live and stuff. God I need a slap across the face.

My mind is actually surprisingly clear though. Sounds weird but I'm not freaking out in my head (I was this morning). I'm worried he won't move out though. He'll say "it's my house too why should I".

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

SimplySteveRedux · 13/05/2019 10:45

  • Do men genuinely not think?

    Do they not spend a split second thinking "well, I have a Wife and DC and a blow job is really not worth armageddon". Or is it worth it to them? Are they so thick, so selfish that a few minutes pleasure is worth the destruction it causes?

    I'll never understand how a man does this and not think before he does it.*

    The ego boost is worth the risk to many. Baffles me.
Please
or
to access all these features

Bacardi101 · 13/05/2019 10:45

Op sorry to hear what your going through, what a complete an utter pig. Stay strong and kick him out the house maybe when the kids are in bed it’s the absolute least he deserves! And a17yr old as well.. awful.

Please
or
to access all these features

Jellybeansincognito · 13/05/2019 10:46

Have you spoken to him?

Please
or
to access all these features

SunshineCake · 13/05/2019 10:47

Tell him he goes or you file for divorce today. Buy yourself time with him out of the house.

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.