Husband ruining all my plans

[mrswormwood1]

Just need to moan and feel sorry for myself with you all! And possible hear someone call my husband a pig? Will definitely cheer me up 😂
My son is 2 and finally understands who Santa is and that Santa is gonna bring him presents this year..
I've been saving my pennies for months and been so careful about what gifts I pick for my son because I wanted things I know he would love and appreciate
I ended up with about 4 presents for him but each and every one was thought out and special..
I just want to make it a lovely memory for him and us..
only problem is my husband.
About a week or two ago I left my husband to watch my son for a couple hours while I went to the hospital for an appointment (pregnant) when I came back my husband had found a hidden presents and opened it and gave it to my son! I was a bit annoyed but not too unhappy as it was only a bubble bath set so not one of the main presents! This morning however I've woken up to my son playing with the most expensive and the present I was most excited about to see his reaction when he opens it on Christmas morning!
I've saved and shopped and planned everything to make this special and he keeps ruining it! I don't have a lot of money to keep replacing gifts at this rate my little one will have nothing left to open on Christmas Day..

[00100001]

it's like, sure, I don't appreciate all the intricacies of Diwali, but I understand the concept is a celebration of the new year and it involves lights - and if my wife every year set of fireworks, and then she'd bought some for the new year's eve celebrations... I wouldn't then think it was OK to set those fireworks off 2 weeks before, just to entertain my child... and then claim "I have no concept of what this is about..."


it's BS.

[Beautiful3]

Why did he do this? Did you explain these were Xmas presents?! What did he say? Ask him to go out and buy 2 presents (1 expensive and 1 cheap) to replace these ones.

[TheScenicWay]

I assume you had a conversation with him regarding the first present. To do it again is a sign of huge disrespect to you, utter selfishness and pure laziness.
He doesn’t seem to regard you very highly.

[Changechangychange]

You know what OP? Next time he looks a bit tired, give him a birthday card “a bit early” and say you couldn’t think of anything else to do, but oh well we’ve celebrated his birthday now so no need to bother on the actual day. Would he think that was fine? i bet he would not.

[mrswormwood1]

Thank you for all your comments
Lots to think about
I appreciate you all x

[Throwntothewolves]

My H can be thoughtless at times but even he would know better than to have pulled this stunt! Can your H not cope with looking after his son? Is that why he's doing this? Or is his aim to undermine and upset you in some way?

Whatever the reason it's not on. Get him told and move the presents, ideally to someone elses house so he can't do it again. You can't trust him not to.

[HoardingSamphireSaurus]

He said my son was crying when he had to leave for work so he had to do something to distract him

You have yourself a Disney Dad! He needs to grow up. Quickly!

If he sulks when you tell him give him one of his own Christmas presents and tell him it was all you could think of to distract him. Then re-wrap it and give it to him again at Christmas!

And I am not kidding. You too need to realise the realities of your situation. You are married to a man who does not parent and acts like an impulsive toddler. How much harder will it be once your real child number 2 arrives?

[CSJobseeker]

Not only is he showing no respect for your time, effort and thought in planning the gifts - he appears to be quite happy to ruin your son's Christmas by making it so there will be no surprises on Xmas day. What a prick!

And yes, I suspect this is the tip of a very big iceberg when it comes to not respecting you.

[WarrickDavisAsPlates]

@Rainbowqueeen

He did this deliberately. You have big big problems. My FIL is the same kind of person.
I’d get my ducks in a row. And I’d hide the remaining gifts at a friend or neighbours house
And 💐 for you. I hope that you are still able to have a lovely Xmas.

My thoughts exactly. There is no way he did this accidentally, he would have had to go and find the presents which you say you've wrapped so obviously a Xmas gift, unwrap them and give them to your son. Both times have been when you're not there.

He's trying to upset you and ruin Xmas for you and your son. I'm sure this won't be the first time his "thoughtlessness" has ruined a special occasion or made things more difficult for you. I expect if you look back you'll see other examples, maybe not as obvious, feeling too ill to accompany you to a family event, drinking too much the night before your birthday so you don't get a lie in, double booking himself so he can't watch DS while you see a friend, it will just get worse.

[Wavypurple]

You’re a better person than me I honestly would’ve lost my shit why on earth would he do that

[ModelMinnie]

sooooo.

your husband causes a massive problem because of his shit parenting (you don't give early christmas presents to avoid crying at him going out to work - what's he going to do the next time, now he's set that dynamic?).

and expects you to step in and sort it out.

it sounds exhausing, like you're his mother and it's your job to be the adult.

he's an adult. he needs to get a grip, apologise massively, or honestly, what's the point of him?

[RuggerHug]

He's a dick and I hope you haven't gotten him anything, if you have it's going back to pay for the replacements. But like you said it's only the tip of the iceberg. Good luck OP

[IncompleteSenten]

My kid is crying and wants my attention.
How can I get him to stfu so I don't actually have to interact with him and, well, be a parent.
Oh.
I know.
I'll give him a brand new toy to play with. That'll shut him up and I don't have to bother sorting him out. i don't really give a fuck that it's his Christmas present because I really really don't want to have to do actual parenting right now and Christmas is really more a 'her' problem. Ahhh. Job done. Now to convince the domesta-droid that I'm a good guy doing my best and just didn't really think.

[smoko]

@IncompleteSenten - think you're right on the money

Imagine being such a shit dad that the only weapon in your arsenal to get the toddler to stop crying is to hand them their Xmas presents.

Whatever will he do next time the kid is crying & there are no Xmas gifts?!

Disney Dadding at its finest. We need a Disney Dads thread.

[LowlandLucky]

Tell him his village is missing him. What a twunt

[SpindlesWinterWhorl]

I agree with other posters that he's gone to an awful lot of effort in your absence to sabotage your plans.

I had an ex who used to do a version of this - basically any excitement I felt about anything was put back in its place in various ways. I ended up absolutely loathing him.

[beastlyslumber]

He can't be that stupid. If he's genuinely that stupid, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him as he is too impaired to consent to such a thing.

I think it's far more likely that he's what's technically known as a total dick.

[Kirst26]

This is going to sound awful and I really hope it isnt true but do you think its possible that this was a deliberate act to sabotage you and your excitement for something he never really had as a child? He knew the present was very special to you so rather than have the moment on the day where you can see the little ones face, he jumps in and stops it happening. He could have given him any of the gifts (although I still dont understand why he would), why choose the best one? Does he have negative memories of Christmas day himself do you know rather than just not really celebrating it? Does he feel pushed out that you are so excited for something for your son rather than for him?

[Werehamster]

He does stupid things like this all the time if I'm honest not in an attempt to be nasty but I think pure stupidity

My Ex was like this too and then one day he did something that really made no sense and I suddenly realised that of course he knew and of course he did it on purpose. It's a really awful thing to realise. Be careful. I bet your husband also knows exactly what he is doing too. He'll never admit it though.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

He does stupid things like this all the time if I'm honest not in an attempt to be nasty but I think pure stupidity

It's not stupidity, it's deliberate, he knows exactly what he's doing. I bet he sabotages lots of things in a horrible passive agressive way.


He'd never celebrated Christmas before I met him

What, his parents never cooked xmas dinner and brought him a gift? Seriously?

[girlmom21]

What, his parents never cooked xmas dinner and brought him a gift? Seriously?

My SIL is Jewish so hadnt celebrated Christmas before she met my brother. It's not that strange.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

OP, my ex was like this, sabataged everything and "accidently" broke or ruined my things. When you're in it, you can't see it, and you can't think clearly either, it's confusing. But one of the best bits of advice I got on mumsnet was to just spend a couple of months observing him and his behaviour, in a detached but non-judgemental way.

It was eye-opening. When you take emotion out of it and start just analysing what they are doing, you start to get clarity.

[Hoppinggreen]

@ftw163532

He doesn't realise he's done something so bad

Of course he does.

Hrs done it on purpose to be a Dick because you bought something he told you not to

[Changechangychange]

The fact he’s done it twice means it wasn’t “stupidity” - he’s done it on purpose.

Whether that was a malicious attempt to upset you/ruin Christmas, or just that he doesn’t give a shit about you or your feelings and doesn’t care if he upsets you as long as it makes his life slightly easier, I don’t know. But I’m not sure either option is good.