Husband ruining all my plans

[mrswormwood1]

Just need to moan and feel sorry for myself with you all! And possible hear someone call my husband a pig? Will definitely cheer me up 😂
My son is 2 and finally understands who Santa is and that Santa is gonna bring him presents this year..
I've been saving my pennies for months and been so careful about what gifts I pick for my son because I wanted things I know he would love and appreciate
I ended up with about 4 presents for him but each and every one was thought out and special..
I just want to make it a lovely memory for him and us..
only problem is my husband.
About a week or two ago I left my husband to watch my son for a couple hours while I went to the hospital for an appointment (pregnant) when I came back my husband had found a hidden presents and opened it and gave it to my son! I was a bit annoyed but not too unhappy as it was only a bubble bath set so not one of the main presents! This morning however I've woken up to my son playing with the most expensive and the present I was most excited about to see his reaction when he opens it on Christmas morning!
I've saved and shopped and planned everything to make this special and he keeps ruining it! I don't have a lot of money to keep replacing gifts at this rate my little one will have nothing left to open on Christmas Day..

[mrswormwood1]

He'd never celebrated Christmas before I met him and never understood the magic of it for a child but he does get involved and let me run wild with it
I even managed to get him to dress up as Santa I just think the whole concept of it doesn't make sense to him
He doesn't realise he's done something so bad
But I guarantee you he will be getting replacements for it
(Even though I've managed to get it back into the box and ready for wrapping)
He made a mistake to do this this morning as we are off to a big shopping centre later on to meet Santa and I will be getting more Christmas presents for my son AND myself

[girlmom21]

He gave him the expensive toy on purpose because he'd told you not to get it for Christmas and you got it anyway.

The fact you said you'd left your husband looking after the child for 2 hours says everything to me. I'm guessing you have to ask him to babysit if you want to do anything?

He sounds like a prick.

[BossLady007]

Yep, you found yourself a real prize there, OP.

[FictionalCharacter]

Your update is still a bit puzzling @mrswormwood1. Did you really think people would have told you to get over it? The concerning thing is your husband’s behaviour, not whether your son is too small to care.

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

So he knew that it was your DS’s main Christmas present when he went to the secret place, got it out and unboxed it for him?? There was no ‘genuine mistake’ about it? Honestly, I would be so angry and upset. He needs to fix this by buying him another equally special and magical gift from Santa.

And he’s also a shit Dad if he couldn’t think of a single other way to comfort his crying son than give him his Christmas present several weeks early. I don’t think your DS will forget about the present before Christmas. Young children have an incredible memory and Christmas is just over 2 weeks away.

[girlmom21]

He doesn't realise he's done something so bad

Yes he does. He knows exactly what Christmas means to a child even if he never celebrated it himself.

[ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings]

He did it on purpose OP to punish you for not following his orders on what to buy or not buy. Don't you know that your role is to do all the thinking and planning, and his role is to sit there like Lord commander of the house and have the final say on all your efforts? He's an arsehole and I'll bet if we scratched the surface a tiny bit we would find later upon layer of additional arsehole behaviour. This is just the tip of the iceberg of him being lazy, selfish, thoughtless, passive aggressive, childish, manipulative etc - am I right?

[mrswormwood1]

@EnidFrighten

The present isn't really the issue here. The problem is that your husband has caused a problem and it's expected that you will step in to sort it out. And the way he caused the problem suggests he doesn't respect your work in saving for and choosing a gift for your son.

'She saved for this and planned it and bought it and hid it - whatever, I'll give it to him now to buy myself a quiet half hour and she'll have to sort it out somehow.'

I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg?

Yes I suppose it is just the tip..

[ftw163532]

That's not stupidity, that's deliberate.

What a dickhead. I can't believe you're accepting this as if it's your fault for being upset by his deliberately shitty behaviour rather than his fault for choosing to behave like a selfish prick.

[ftw163532]

He doesn't realise he's done something so bad

Of course he does.

[tara66]

You say he has never celebrated Christmas before so presume he is of a different culture which may explain it? But even other cultures do present for special days that are surprises.

[Bushkin]

Why are you making excuses for him? I’d be furious and ask him to replace it with something from his personal funds. No one is that stupid

[JalfreziAtChristmas]

If he does this again next year he really will have messed up your sons Christmas unless you can replace anything he has already seen. You can't put up with this sort of shit.

[mrswormwood1]

Reading my own posts are making me cringe
I have no idea when I became this person.. making excuses for him in my head
I just want to make things special for my little one..

[ftw163532]

Yes I suppose it is just the tip..

That was fairly obvious from the way you initially presented this as if it were a problem on your part for being upset rather than recognising he was at fault and you were right to be upset.

[00100001]

He could have done anything... taken him to the park, shoved him in front of the TV, taken him to fucking tesco to buy sweets...

but he decides the best thing to do is go upstairs, dig around for the present and give it to him... ?

[ftw163532]

Threads like this make me so sad.

[Rainbowqueeen]

Op this makes me so sad to see you say this is just the tip of the iceberg. Please think about getting some help from women’s aid and making your exit
Otherwise Christmas in your house in 40 years will be like at my in laws where my FIL will not eat anything cooked by anyone other than MIL so MIL has to do all the cooking. I help as much as I can by peeling all veges, washing up as we go and dishing up. And then when dinner is on the table and everyone is seated he will wash up the roasting dish and pots while everyone sits waiting because it will upset MIL too much if we do anything else and the food goes cold.
Spare your DS a life of this. You can leave and make a good life for yourself. Reach out for support

[turnthemintojelly]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

So basically he is too lazy to look after DS properly so he gave him the presents to shut him up. That's what it boils down to. Sounds like he can't be trusted with anything.

I agree, this is the reason.

And that he's a pig.

[tearinghairout]

My mother gave me presents early, without any ceremony, because she knew they were what I wanted. To her, Christmas was a load of nonsense (although we did celebrate it, sort of) and there was absolutely no reason why I shouldn't have my presents earlier than the actual day.
I don't think your DH should have given your DS the presents without asking you first, but I wonder if, like my DM, he just doesn't understand why they need to be opened in front of everyone on Christmas day. (I don't agree with this, btw - the kid loses the excitement of the build-up.)

[00100001]

"I just think the whole concept of it doesn't make sense to him"

the concept of waiting for a particular day to give someone a present makes no sense to him?


where has he lived all his life if he genuinely has NO CONCEPT of what Christmas might be about??

[snowdropsandcrocuses]

This kind of shit would literally make me apoplectic with rage! There is literally no excuse for this kind of thing. The only reason someone would behave like this is to hurt and upset you. How utterly selfish. He knew it was a present because you showed him it. He knows it is special for you and yet he did it anyway.

You need to decide if you want a partner that will support you and have your back or one who is going to undermine you and make you feel like shit. Relationships are hard sometimes even without trying to hurt each other on purpose.

[CaputApriDefero]

Don't make excuses for him. He damn well knows how important it is to you even if it's not a big thing for him. If he was loving a TV show, would he take it well if you completely spoilt the ending for him by telling him what happens before he watched the episode? Or if he was hoping to surprise someone with some news, would he be alright with it if you'd swooped in and told them all first. No, he bloody well would not. He might not know Christmas in the way you want your son to, but he understands excitement, surprise and things being important to others. He's a pig, OP, who cares more about his own peaceful quiet time than he does about your carefully planned hopes and dreams.

Red flag, red flag, etc. They're all over the place

[smoko]

What lazy parenting.

Kid is crying - has no skills to soothe kid - chucks Xmas present at kid to get them to quiet down

How could anyone be so thoughtless.

I would be returning any Xmas presents purchased for him & telling him to not expect anything on Xmas day. He obviously doesn't give a shit about Xmas & stole your moment to see your son receive the gify you took the time to plan & purchase.

The money you get back off his Xmas gifts can go towards getting son replacement gifts.

[turnthemintojelly]

Also OP he may frame his defense around the idea that your son won't notice/mind etc, which effaces the fact that YOU mind. A worrisome perspective on his part, trying to encourage you to squash your own feelings.