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Husband ruining all my plans
233

mrswormwood1 · 08/12/2021 09:48

Just need to moan and feel sorry for myself with you all! And possible hear someone call my husband a pig? Will definitely cheer me up πŸ˜‚
My son is 2 and finally understands who Santa is and that Santa is gonna bring him presents this year..
I've been saving my pennies for months and been so careful about what gifts I pick for my son because I wanted things I know he would love and appreciate
I ended up with about 4 presents for him but each and every one was thought out and special..
I just want to make it a lovely memory for him and us..
only problem is my husband.
About a week or two ago I left my husband to watch my son for a couple hours while I went to the hospital for an appointment (pregnant) when I came back my husband had found a hidden presents and opened it and gave it to my son! I was a bit annoyed but not too unhappy as it was only a bubble bath set so not one of the main presents! This morning however I've woken up to my son playing with the most expensive and the present I was most excited about to see his reaction when he opens it on Christmas morning!
I've saved and shopped and planned everything to make this special and he keeps ruining it! I don't have a lot of money to keep replacing gifts at this rate my little one will have nothing left to open on Christmas Day..

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Arethechildreninbedyet · 08/12/2021 14:15

@mrswormwood1

I'm not saying that because he's a Muslim this is why he did this
My father is Muslim and I grew up with Islam for a part of my life
Somebody asked if he was Muslim so I simply confirmed it

Being a Muslim has absolutely nothing to do with how my husband acts and reacts to things in our life

I've always known he wasn't the best and that he could do better
I think it's been such a long time I have been dealing with him I've become numb to it? I make excuses for him in every day life all the time
Friends and family have distanced themselves from me
I know he manipulates me and is controlling and he has slowly over the years pulled me deeper and deeper in

I know most of the things I am being told on here
I just don't know where to go from here

Again
Thank you for your comments

You are a wonderful Mother and sound like a very kind, thoughtful, strong person.

You deserve someone who treasures you.

I have a friend who had a partner similar to yours and I must admit the distancing was inevitable. Do you know what it took for that distance to be closed? A phone call.

Your family and friends are very likely waiting in the wings for you to reach out for help. Admitting you need support is the first step in leaving a relationship.

Best of luck OP x
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mrswormwood1 · 08/12/2021 14:10

I'm not saying that because he's a Muslim this is why he did this
My father is Muslim and I grew up with Islam for a part of my life
Somebody asked if he was Muslim so I simply confirmed it

Being a Muslim has absolutely nothing to do with how my husband acts and reacts to things in our life

I've always known he wasn't the best and that he could do better
I think it's been such a long time I have been dealing with him I've become numb to it? I make excuses for him in every day life all the time
Friends and family have distanced themselves from me
I know he manipulates me and is controlling and he has slowly over the years pulled me deeper and deeper in

I know most of the things I am being told on here
I just don't know where to go from here

Again
Thank you for your comments

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Arethechildreninbedyet · 08/12/2021 14:09

Your excusal of his behaviour as him being a muslim/never celebrated Christmas is both offensive to muslims/people who don't celebrate Christmas and respect their partners and to your own intelligence.

He's not forgetful, he's abusive.

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Nidan2Sandan · 08/12/2021 13:59

My first thought was thay your husband really isnt very bright at all, quite stupid actually.

But now, I think it is the opposite. I think he knew exactly what he was doing, when he pulled out the obviously expensive christmas gift, and gave it to your son. Thereby upsetting you, causing you stress, and controlling your Christmas experience by sabotage. Very clever for an abusive husband, he's playing you OP. Dont let him

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MrsKDB · 08/12/2021 13:58

this is awful. is he always so inconsiderate? if so I would be reassessing my relationship.

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Nomorepies · 08/12/2021 13:55

OP you're making a lot of excuses for him in your updates...

Muslim or not, he gets the deal with presents. Take a firm stance and make him replace.

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Arethechildreninbedyet · 08/12/2021 13:53

This is control for him.

He knows you worked so hard and were so excited and he took that joy from you for no other reason than HE COULD.

He wanted to upset you. Ignore any excuses or apology (and they will be so convincing, making you feel like the bad guy) and keep in your mind that he has ENJOYED that moment you walked in and were absolutely devastated.

This isn't about presents. This is abuse. Examine other areas of your relationship carefully and you will find that he litters control and abuse in all corners of your life.

Start the new year without this cunt, you deserve better.

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RightOnTheEdge · 08/12/2021 13:48

So you were annoyed and unhappy the first time OP but he went and did it again and you say he didn't understand what he was doing?
No way! No way is he that stupid!
He can't even look after his child for a couple of hours or think if another way to stop him crying?
He is a lazy, disrespectful, selfish pig! And a useless father.
He knew how much that present meant to you and he told you not to get it.
He's done it out of spite.

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AmaryllisNightAndDay · 08/12/2021 13:42

He does stupid things like this all the time if I'm honest not in an attempt to be nasty but I think pure stupidity

That is a special kind of stupid. He wants the credit for your effort. He stole your present, the one you bought with your own saved money not even shared family money, the present he was too mean to buy for your son out of family money. He stole it to give to your son himself when you weren't there, as if it was just from him.

That is utterly dishonest and disrespectful. Maybe he really thinks it isn't stealing because everything you do belongs to him. Maybe he doesn't even see you as a separate person but as an appendage to service him.

That is nasty.

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Nanny0gg · 08/12/2021 13:42

@mrswormwood1

Yes he is Muslim
Yes he is lazy and inconsiderate
I was in the house when this happened he wasn't leaving the child alone but my son usually follows him around in the morning and normally gets upset when his dad leaves for work

So what's the point of him?
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Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 08/12/2021 13:42

But this was a bit contrived. He deliberately did this.

My ex was Muslim. I am Muslim. Being Muslim has nothing to do with it.
I'm trying hard not to be highly irritated that this is even mentioned as an extenuating factor!!!

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Nanny0gg · 08/12/2021 13:42

@mrswormwood1

I call him "my son" but he is ours both haha

Why do you think this is funny?

He's horrible
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Hoppinggreen · 08/12/2021 13:39

@mrswormwood1

Yes he is Muslim
Yes he is lazy and inconsiderate
I was in the house when this happened he wasn't leaving the child alone but my son usually follows him around in the morning and normally gets upset when his dad leaves for work

Is there any point to him at all?
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SecondClassmyass · 08/12/2021 13:36

He is just really stupid, as in- not very intelligent.

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PocketPenny · 08/12/2021 13:29

My husband is Muslim too and I can imagine him (and his family) doing something like this. Not maliciously but from not grasping the sentimentality of it all. If they knew there was something nice in the cupboard for our daughter, they would simply get it out to cheer her up. I could see them doing this with Ramadan/Eid gifts too. I would still be very upset though, particularly if I had explained it recently!

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honeylulu · 08/12/2021 13:27

I really don't buy this as thoughtlessness and stupidity. My husband is a bit thoughtless and lazy i.e. will find treats I have bought/planned for a special picnic and dole them out to the kids immediately. But he would never give them something that was (or might be) a present.

It seems very much like a way of putting you in your place. He didn't want you to buy expensive present. He may even resent your Christmas planning an excitement because he did not have that experience as a child. Plus when you bought the present anyway with your own money he didn't want you to get the glory of giving the gift so he took the glory for himself.

As PPs have said, it sounds like deliberate sabotage. I wonder if you started putting the presents in a different hiding place without telling him he would "accidentally" search and find them?

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nitsandwormsdodger · 08/12/2021 13:21

Wrap them up again , son will forget and you get See his face excited again , he cant possibly know about santa at 2 ?
Make it clear to OH how upset you are if he does it again he IS malicious

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HoardingSamphireSaurus · 08/12/2021 13:21

@mrswormwood1

Yes he is Muslim
Yes he is lazy and inconsiderate
I was in the house when this happened he wasn't leaving the child alone but my son usually follows him around in the morning and normally gets upset when his dad leaves for work

Being Muslim has bugger all to do with it. Don't insult a whle cohort of people by making allowances because of this!

I worked for over a decade with all Muslim bosses. I made them Christmas favours, with Happy Christmas iced on them, making all allowances for strict religious observance (no alcohol etc) and was invited to both Eid and end of Ramadan celebrations. We managed to enjoy that diversity with no issues at all

He is lazy and inconsiderate becasue that is who he is. As well a nasty, self centred and petty.

That you were in the house only makes it worse - he knows how to say your name after all. But he chose to dig around under your child's bed, expose all presents and gift him with one instead of simply asking you to distract your DS for long enough for him to get out of the door.

You really don't have to put up with this.
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Blondeshavemorefun · 08/12/2021 13:18

What a fucking knob. And I don’t say that often

Why would anyone give a child a present they know is for Xmas

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DappyApple · 08/12/2021 13:13

@ProfessionalWeirdo

He said my son was crying when he had to leave for work so he had to do something to distract him

What? He left for work when you weren't there?

Op was in bed as she says This morning however I've woken up to my son playing with the most expensive and the present

I initially thought op had woken before he left but reading again it does sound like he did go to work and left the 2 year unattended.

So op, Did he actually go to work and leave your son playing with said toy before you’d actually woken up?
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mrswormwood1 · 08/12/2021 13:11

Yes he is Muslim
Yes he is lazy and inconsiderate
I was in the house when this happened he wasn't leaving the child alone but my son usually follows him around in the morning and normally gets upset when his dad leaves for work

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mogschristmascalamity · 08/12/2021 13:02

So you have procreated with a twunt.

How is he going to fix it? If this is to work you need to sit down and have a serious chat with him about how christmas works. An he needs to do more childcare.

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diddl · 08/12/2021 12:48

He really is useless isn't he?

Can't think of anything else to do with his son than give him stuff that he knows has been put away for Christmas Day?

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Happy1982ish · 08/12/2021 12:44

@ProfessionalWeirdo

Good point

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ProfessionalWeirdo · 08/12/2021 12:41

He said my son was crying when he had to leave for work so he had to do something to distract him

What? He left for work when you weren't there?

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