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Husband ruining all my plans
233

mrswormwood1 · 08/12/2021 09:48

Just need to moan and feel sorry for myself with you all! And possible hear someone call my husband a pig? Will definitely cheer me up 😂
My son is 2 and finally understands who Santa is and that Santa is gonna bring him presents this year..
I've been saving my pennies for months and been so careful about what gifts I pick for my son because I wanted things I know he would love and appreciate
I ended up with about 4 presents for him but each and every one was thought out and special..
I just want to make it a lovely memory for him and us..
only problem is my husband.
About a week or two ago I left my husband to watch my son for a couple hours while I went to the hospital for an appointment (pregnant) when I came back my husband had found a hidden presents and opened it and gave it to my son! I was a bit annoyed but not too unhappy as it was only a bubble bath set so not one of the main presents! This morning however I've woken up to my son playing with the most expensive and the present I was most excited about to see his reaction when he opens it on Christmas morning!
I've saved and shopped and planned everything to make this special and he keeps ruining it! I don't have a lot of money to keep replacing gifts at this rate my little one will have nothing left to open on Christmas Day..

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user33323 · 09/12/2021 09:59

I have muslim relatives, and first born boys in the family absolutely are spoiled beyond all rational reason. Given whatever they want, whenever they want, despite the parents requests not to buy them whatever they ask for or pour sugar in their bottles etc. So from my own experience (which may be out of the ordinary) there could be a cultural element to this. But this isn't a grandparent or uncle, so I'm absolutely not excusing this behaviour, I just wanted to give my experience for those saying being Muslim is irrelevant.

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NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 09/12/2021 09:57

I feel
Sorry for him that his mum died when he was so little & his Dad married someone who wasn't able or willing to be a good Stepmum. My mum had that happen to her too (plus other horrible stuff) but you know what? She was a brilliant mum, wanted to give us what she'd missed out on. It didn't make her blind to how things should be for kids.

He's just a stupid, selfish twat who won't improve just because you're having another baby.

He has done a right number on you, don't accept it!! Personally I don't think men like him change. I don't think people do really. They may sometimes learn better behaviour, but they don't change 'who they are'

I think the only sane thing to do is leave, but if you don't then you need to tell him to grow the fuck up! If his child is upset he needs to learn to comfort & reassure him, not give him presents.

He needs to respect your time & effort.

'pushing shit uphill' springs to mind, I'd far rather be a single parent to 2, than 2+ twat

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ProfessionalWeirdo · 09/12/2021 09:39

I'm sorry to be so brutal, but you need to see what your son will see growing up.

Boys learn a lot about how to treat women by seeing how their father treats their mother.

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KateInHappyland · 09/12/2021 09:38

The first time, ok, could be passed off as an accident depending on the circumstances.
But the fact he’s actively done it again shows he doesn’t care and is deliberately doing this to you, or (as others have said) is just really fucking stupid.
I’d be livid.

Do you think he’s doing it to be spiteful because he didn’t contribute to the expensive gift? An ‘if I can’t get it for him, no one can’ situation?

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LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 09/12/2021 09:24

His excuse is just that, an excuse and a very thin one. There's no way he didn't do this on purpose. You bought the the gift he told you not to buy, so he ruined you getting to see DS excited face on Christmas Day when you gave him this gift you'd spent so long thinking about and saving for.

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Kennykenkencat · 09/12/2021 09:02

He also said that I can just box it back up he opened the box carefully and cause my son is only 2 he'll forget about it by the time Christmas comes around

This is just arrogant. He thinks your Ds is stupid. Of course he will know he played with a toy a couple of weeks earlier.
I think this sums up his attitude to you and your Ds

diddl Maybe but I still think op could do better

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diddl · 09/12/2021 08:38

"I've always known he wasn't the best and that he could do better

I think you meant to say

I've always known he wasn't the best and that I could do better"

I would have thought that Op means that his behaviour could be better.

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Twilight7777 · 09/12/2021 08:23

What a selfish barsteward! I’d be raging and this to me says he doesn’t respect you at all

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lborgia · 09/12/2021 07:58

2 points from me:

1 - it is possible that he is jealous of your son, of the obvious love you have for him, and the time and effort you put into giving him a wonderful life. But he is now an adult and either asks for professional help, or sorts himself out. I think Christmas is a red herring. He might do this with birthday presents next time.

2 - don't be lulled into thinking this is a bad a it gets. It is bad enough, but all the justifying and the numbness is because you're still standing, and he hasn't done more than be spiteful (or maybe he has).

BUT

My experience is that it can become much darker, more violent, more dangerous a long time later. It was 2.5 years before my boyfriend first hit me, and another 3 years before he attempted to kill me.

I'm sorry to be so brutal, but you need to see what your son will see growing up. At 2 years old, his development is already impacted by your husband's behaviour, even if only slightly. You get to stop the cycle, even if he can't.

Good luck.

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GrandmasCat · 09/12/2021 06:05

And this how women end in long term bad relationships… ignoring and dismissing massive red flags.

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Bogeyes · 09/12/2021 03:04

Your husband is a dick head knob end idiot selfish arse hole soft shite big fat double stupid pig! Is that ok?

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turnaroundtime · 08/12/2021 22:22

He might be a pig. But what he is for sure is fucking odd. Who would do this? Weirdo

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2WeeksTillChristmas · 08/12/2021 21:58

I would be absolutely fuming!!

Is he abit thick?

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Heronwatcher · 08/12/2021 21:53

I don’t know for sure but if you’ve explained it to him, it sounds to me as though he has done it on purpose to show you he is the boss. And also to be cruel as he knew you were looking forward to giving the gift to your son. I think on any level these are red flags and you need to think about getting your kids out of the situation- try to save some money and build bridges with family and friends. Don’t worry about your son’s present, he won’t really remember this, worry more about the longer term.

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Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 21:47

This is the oddest thing I’ve read for awhile. And what’s making it even odder is you’re justifying it. Your husband is horrible. Not stupid. Horrible.

And if he’s so stupid as you seek to think that he doesn’t understand then he shouldn’t be left without supervision.

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Carpetsareforflying · 08/12/2021 21:43

LTB

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girafferafferaffe · 08/12/2021 21:39

He's the piggiest pig there could possibly be op.

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BertieBotts · 08/12/2021 21:29

OP. This has ended up in trending so probably has more traction than you'd like.

If you want to, when it dies down make a post in relationships and ask about literally any aspect of the relationship you're not sure on. Relationships threads don't go into trending and people will be kind.

It helps to have people help you sort things out and make sense of the everyday.

I hope you and your little one have a lovely Christmas. Hopefully he'll forget the present as your DH said and you'll have the moment of seeing him open it. And if not you'll have those moments many times over with other Christmas and birthdays. Preferably without DH ruining the surprise.

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EverNapping · 08/12/2021 21:06

New Years Resolution @mrswormwood1 :
First week - contact a family member you've drifted from, next week add another family member or friend, and so on.

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bellocchild · 08/12/2021 20:43

@ProfessionalWeirdo "a culture which regards men as superior". And oh-so-lazy. Op does all the saving, choosing and shopping, he gets the pleasure of actual giving. Small children don't appreciate the effort, just the outcome.

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HikingforScenery · 08/12/2021 20:24

What?! Why? Who does that?!

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ProfessionalWeirdo · 08/12/2021 20:08

@bellocchild

He wants your DC to regard him -and only him!- as the giver of Good Presents...this may be a hangover from his childhood, but I'd be worried.

Or possibly a hangover from a culture which regards men as superior?
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SunshineCake1 · 08/12/2021 19:46

No he isn't a pig. They are lovely and cute. He's a fucking evil excuse for a human being.

He's not stupid and he IS nasty.

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DeadGood · 08/12/2021 19:43

"He also said that I can just box it back up he opened the box carefully and cause my son is only 2 he'll forget about it by the time Christmas comes around (probably true)"

No. Children aren't stupid. Just because your son probably can't speak much yet, doesn't mean he can't see, perceive and remember things.

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OnceuponaRainbow18 · 08/12/2021 19:16

No way! And why are you the only
One saving for his presents?

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