Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

Feel bad for 9 year old - Santa not real
120

RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 08:57

Hi. My dd11 figured our Santa wasn't real age 9/10. This year dd9 has been asking. I've told them he isn't so this is the first year they know for definite.

I feel bad that my eldest had two years of guessing but not knowing. I think being the younger sibling means they often grow up quicker.

I've just seen a post on Facebook where a woman is asking for advice on telling her son. (I can't see his age). There are a lot of replies that say their children age12-14 still believe.

Is this true?? I though they would know before secondary.

I suppose it's all part of growing up?

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

REP22 · 20/10/2021 10:54

I can recall when I was looking after a friend's 3 year old - I asked him what he would like Father Christmas to bring him. He looked at me totally straight-faced and said in a flat monotone "There's no Father Christmas, it's your mum and dad." I mentioned it to his mum later, as I was quite taken aback and she said "I wasn't allowed to believe in Father Christmas when I was a child, so neither will he." I found it quite heart-breaking.

It's part of what makes things a bit more special for a little child. I think I had worked it out for myself by the time I was about 9 (my dad was always a little bit clumsy, bless him).

Please
or
to access all these features

campion · 20/10/2021 11:01

@REP22

Wait, what?!? Santa isn't real? Shock Who looks after the reindeer?

Dont worry, they live with the Easter Bunny Wink
Please
or
to access all these features

Opoiii · 20/10/2021 11:02

Excluding children with SEN, I can quite confidently say 12-14 year old believers are humouring their parents.
8/9 I would say is about average when they stop believing.

Please
or
to access all these features

Iusedtobecarmen · 20/10/2021 11:16

These threads wind me up! All this cant lie to your child FFS

Sit them down and tell them the truth to save the embarrassment at school!!

Just let kids be kids! Eventually they will figure it out and they will be fine.
Drag it as long as you can.
It's a bit of magic.
My parents didnt have an official chat with me and I still keep the magic alive for my DC.
I have never told mine officially.
Yes they have asked, and I've always said of course hes real.
With varying degrees of seriousness depending on age. Even adults dc I say hes real and they play along. Just something we do. Same with Easter bunny, tooth fairy.
All my DC are normal kids, not traumatised

Deliberately spoiling the fun,particularly with a child under say 10 is mean and weird IMO.

Please
or
to access all these features

garlictwist · 20/10/2021 11:16

I'm surprised children of 9 still believe, never mind 11. I wouldn't worry about it.

Please
or
to access all these features

FlatteredFool · 20/10/2021 11:18

45 and still believe here.

Please
or
to access all these features

Iusedtobecarmen · 20/10/2021 11:18

@1stTimeMama

My eldest has just turned 12 and as far as we know, still believes. It was never a thing when I was younger, my parents never sat me down and told me, and I never asked the question, I enjoyed the magic and never thought to ask I suppose.

This times a millionSmile
Please
or
to access all these features

REP22 · 20/10/2021 11:41

@campion
Phew! Thanks for that. I had concerns for Blitzen; he seems unstable. Wink

Please
or
to access all these features

mam0918 · 20/10/2021 11:53

I don't believe any cognitively functional teens believe a magical fat man flys around on raindeers and breaks into their house to leave socks full of snacks.

I do believe some are happy to pretend and keep up the 'fun' though.

The same way some adults love valentines/halloween/xmas and some are bah-humbug about it all. Its not that those of us who dress up on Halloween all believe in spirits (unless it's in a glass with coke lol).

Please
or
to access all these features

mam0918 · 20/10/2021 12:02

@Opoiii

Excluding children with SEN, I can quite confidently say 12-14 year old believers are humouring their parents.
8/9 I would say is about average when they stop believing.

8/9 seems quite old to me, I would assume a child that age is cut off from other kids and quite sheltered.

I was 5 I think (reception at school, the revelation spread through infant school like fire) and my oldest was about 6 (year 1 I believe) when he declared he knew and explained to us how it was impossible (seems it went round the whole school then too as his friends all figured it out at the same time).

He did do a 180 the next year and started talking excitedly about santa but we knew he knew the truth it was just very clear they (him and his friends) realised it was 'more fun' going along with the santa thing.

When I told my mam she told me 'you better believe or I'll cancel it' so I pretend hard lol.

I don't think believing in santa matters that much though, I think its all just tradition more than belief... I don't believe Jesus magically rose from the dead but I still eat easter eggs.
Please
or
to access all these features

FlatteredFool · 20/10/2021 12:02

I think we all need all the magic we can get in this world of ours.

Please
or
to access all these features

Kanaloa · 20/10/2021 12:07

I seriously doubt anyone age 12-14 still believes in Santa Claus. Unless they have sen. I mean they’d be at high school.

Anyway he doesn’t believe but he’ll still have a good Christmas. We don’t do Santa but my kids still put milk and cookies out at mil’s house - although they don’t believe they still get fun out of it. More because fil pretends to believe so it’s funny because they know he’ll be scoffing the biscuits!

Please
or
to access all these features

RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 13:28

@mam0918 Definitely not cut off from other kids. They always have friends around. I don't think they discuss Santa with friends do they?

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Deadringer · 20/10/2021 13:31

I was 9 when my dad told me, and i was gobsmacked, it was a long time ago though, in simpler times.

Please
or
to access all these features

Barton10 · 20/10/2021 13:34

My DC were both around 9, I wouldn't have wanted them still believing at secondary school as they are far too old. I remember a friend telling me she was sad her son didn't want to write to Santa at age 14!

Please
or
to access all these features

RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 13:35

It will be easier to get the presents from the loft now anyway 😁😁

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Goldbar · 20/10/2021 14:01

My parents never told us Santa wasn't real. Clearly we twigged it for ourselves (I think I was around 8) but it wasn't a discussion we ever really needed to have. It just became a family pretence that we all played our part in even when we were teens and young adults. And my parents took great pride making sure we never saw them filling our stockings.

But then they were really good at fantasy/pretend play generally. They'd pretend with us that there were fairies down the bottom of the garden, that unicorns and dragons existed and that there was a secret passage somewhere in our house that led to a magic world. Also, that animals could talk. Clearly at some point we all twigged that none of this was real but we never felt the need to openly acknowledge it and destroy the game.

Please
or
to access all these features

snugglyblanket · 20/10/2021 14:04

My 11yo had to be told before high school. No SEN but just really wanted to believe. She was wavering for a while and she mentioned that people were talking about it in school years before but she clearly wasn't ready to give it up (we would have told her I'd she'd asked outright but she didn't). In reality she knew, or at least suspected, but didn't want to admit it. Her first Christmas after she still wouldn't touch the elves because she didn't want to hurt them but she happily took on some of the Santa duties once she realised that the magic wasn't gone.
I suspect DS won't believe as long. I think he'll be pretty mater of fact about it when it inevitably goes around his year at school. I'd like a couple more years though 🤞

Please
or
to access all these features

Stompythedinosaur · 21/10/2021 01:19

My dc are 8 and 10 - they've never said they don't believe, but they definitely know it is just a game. They've had an idea, I think, for around 6. But I'm not planning on having a conversation about it, because it's so final.

On Christmas eve they will want to believe, so they will suspend their disbelief. There's no harm in that.

I don't think they are going to be traumatised by a lie, because I think it is closer to a shared pretend game than a lie.

Please
or
to access all these features

80sMum · 21/10/2021 01:42

I grew up in the 1960s. At that time, for a child to believe in father Christmas at the age of nine was almost unheard of.

I think I was about 6 or 7 when I realised/found out that father Christmas was definitely just pretend, though I'd suspected it for a while before that.

Most of my peers, like me, had stopped believing in father Christmas by the time they left infant school, so by the end of Year 2. Once we were in junior school, if any of the younger children still believed they were teased by the older ones, who quickly set the record straight!
Believing in Father Christmas was thought of as very babyish and silly and something that only very young children did.

My own children never believed that FC was real. He was a fairytale person just like other characters in fairytales. I didn't see the point of deliberately lying to them and pretending that he was real. I know that some parents get pleasure from it but it just never occurred to me to do it.

I don't think my children suffered from knowing that it wasn't real. We still enjoyed Christmas and played the game of pretending that FC had been, but we all knew it was a game.

Please
or
to access all these features

Fallagain · 21/10/2021 19:14

I was a secondary teacher and it’s very rare for a year 7 to believe in Santa but it does happen but certainly not older kids.

Please
or
to access all these features

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 21/10/2021 19:25

I lied about Santa until my dc were 9, if they ask any questions at 9 I ask what they think and take the conversation from there. If they ask after 10 then I give them the whole "santa isn't a real person it's how we describe the magical feeling we get at christmas" speech.

4 down, 2 to go 😂

That said I still give my 20 and 17 year olds Christmas stockings from santa and wait until they are asleep to put them out 😂😂 so maybe they do still believe.

Please
or
to access all these features

Buttons294749 · 21/10/2021 19:38

I swear in the 90s/olden days kids didn't really believe very late, parents didn't really make as much of an effort maybe? I can't remember any of my friends thinking he was real (although we all know he is obvs 🎅🏼🤶)

Please
or
to access all these features

MakingTheBestOfIt · 22/10/2021 09:01

I think mine believed wholeheartedly until about 7/8. Then a year or two of questioning. I think at this stage they ‘know’ deep down but choose to believe because they want to.

When asked directly I told mine it’s a fictional truth, like when we watch a film and suspend disbelief so we can pretend all the actors are really their characters. I said that I choose to suspend disbelief because it’s a part of our culture and fun, and that if they want to they can too. They are teens now and we all still play along.

An aside: I didn’t realise that children literally believed in the Easter Bunny, so I always told my children what eggs I’d bought, why I’d hidden them in X place, etc. However, their teacher said the Easter Bunny was real and would visit and bring eggs, so they concluded I was lying or deluded and for years believed anyway. This is despite the fact I made no effort to hide the eggs and claimed all responsibility Confused

Please
or
to access all these features

Babdoc · 22/10/2021 09:11

This is not a problem for me as a Christian. Santa Claus WAS a real person - St Nicholas - who was bishop of Smyrna in the fourth century AD. He threw presents of gold coins into poor people’s houses, to use as dowries so their daughters could afford to marry.
When children are old enough, you simply explain that the Santa Claus stuff is just a nice way to remember St Nicholas’s good deeds.
But the whole point of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus - the greatest gift to the world - and that continues regardless.
My kids loved taking part in the Nativity play at church, staying up for the Christmas Eve Watchnight service, carol singing at midnight. All more relevant than a commercialised fat guy in a red suit bearing plastic tat!

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.