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Feel bad for 9 year old - Santa not real
120

RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 08:57

Hi. My dd11 figured our Santa wasn't real age 9/10. This year dd9 has been asking. I've told them he isn't so this is the first year they know for definite.

I feel bad that my eldest had two years of guessing but not knowing. I think being the younger sibling means they often grow up quicker.

I've just seen a post on Facebook where a woman is asking for advice on telling her son. (I can't see his age). There are a lot of replies that say their children age12-14 still believe.

Is this true?? I though they would know before secondary.

I suppose it's all part of growing up?

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AliceMcK · 20/10/2021 09:05

If you listen to some people their amazing kids figure it out by 4/5. Others think 9 is too old or on the young side…

I think everyone is different. My 9yo still believes and I’d like to keep it that way. She isn’t daft, shes asked a lot of very pointed questions over the last few years but I’ve always managed to have a comeback to convince her. I have known children go into high school believing but I don’t think it lasts long after they go to high school. I think it’s very dependent on the child, their families and the children they attend school with.

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FawnFrenchieMum · 20/10/2021 09:08

I think anyone who believes their secondary school children still believe (without SEN) is probably more gullible then they think!

I would say 9 is about the average. Up to 11 is normal.

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elQuintoConyo · 20/10/2021 09:10

Some figure it out by 4yo, some have to be told before going to secondary. Most are told/work it out somewhere between the two.

Mine asked outright at 8yo and I told him the truth, he was OUTRAGED! But we are abroad and have another tradition which is a smiley-faced log that poos sweets (caga tio) and although he didn't believe in FC, he still believed that if you "fed" this log for a month (but never saw him actually eat) and whacked him with a stick on Xmas Eve, that he'd poo sweets, a Lego blindbag and a Xmas dvd! DS even took him to bed at night to keep him extra warm.

So he knows one is imaginary, still thinks one is real Grin he's 10 this year, and knows it's all imagination. But we have bigged up the tree, the twinkly lights, the special food, the advent calendar (simple one), the special pancake breakfast on Xmas day, the post-lunch trip to the beach with the dog, the Muppets Christmas Carol etc.

As long as the warm, fuzzy feelings are still there, they adapt quite easily and still enjoy the whole thing . Oh, and he's just started writing his list beginning 'Dear FC' Grin

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TerribleCustomerCervix · 20/10/2021 09:10

I think anyone who believes that their neurotypical 13/14 year old still thinks Santa is real is spectacularly naive tbh.

Working it out is just part of life, don’t feel bad about it. I think it’s a credit to you that your ds asked you a straight question and you gave her a straight answer, even though it would’ve been easy for you to lie and reassure her. This is what DH’s mum did when he was 11, and he said that when he realised she’d lied to him, it really upset him.

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crossstitchingnana · 20/10/2021 09:22

@FawnFrenchieMum

I think anyone who believes their secondary school children still believe (without SEN) is probably more gullible then they think!

I would say 9 is about the average. Up to 11 is normal.

My kids are adult and when they were kids the average age for working it out was between 7 and 8. Ie it happened in Yr3. One of my dd's friends still believed at 11 and that seemed odd. In fact my dd told her as he was getting picked on about it.
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ThirdElephant · 20/10/2021 09:39

@AliceMcK

If you listen to some people their amazing kids figure it out by 4/5. Others think 9 is too old or on the young side…

I think everyone is different. My 9yo still believes and I’d like to keep it that way. She isn’t daft, shes asked a lot of very pointed questions over the last few years but I’ve always managed to have a comeback to convince her. I have known children go into high school believing but I don’t think it lasts long after they go to high school. I think it’s very dependent on the child, their families and the children they attend school with.

Why keep convincing her though? I don't think the myth of Santa does harm in general, but if you keep having to deliberately fabricate extra lies over the years to you in order to keep it going because she's suspected the truth, what purpose is served by it?
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ThirdElephant · 20/10/2021 09:40

Ignore the random 'to you'. Must've escaped editing.

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dementedpixie · 20/10/2021 09:45

My ds questioned from age 6. Told him age 8. Dd never questioned or gave any indications of belief/non belief

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lazylinguist · 20/10/2021 09:52

It's very unusual for kids not to know by the end of primary school, and mostknow a couple of years before that. I'm a teacher and we once had a furious parent ohone in to complain about her 12yo dd being told by a teacher at school that Father Christmas didn't exist. It wasn't that the teacher had set out to announce it or anything- it just came up in a discussion about festivals and traditions in an R.S. lesson! That was years ago though.

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FawnFrenchieMum · 20/10/2021 09:55

I tend not to commit either way when they are waivering but we’d like to get another year out of them. I say things like Christmas is all about your beliefs and you can believe as much or as little as you want but it’s important not to put your beliefs onto other people and you don’t need to share your beliefs if you don’t want to. Hopefully that stops the pressure at school etc when kids are discussing it.

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REP22 · 20/10/2021 09:57

Wait, what?!? Santa isn't real? Shock Who looks after the reindeer?

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Topseyt · 20/10/2021 10:04

I am always amazed at these discussions, and that this is even a conversation to be had.

I can't say I ever had an actual discussion on it with any of my three. I couldn't name the definite age at which they stopped believing, but they were over it well before secondary school without any input from me.

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Deadringer · 20/10/2021 10:08

On here people will tell you their dc were shopping online for their own Christmas presents by 18 months, so take it all with a pinch of salt. My dc were around 9/10 when they found out/were told.

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LaLaLouella · 20/10/2021 10:10

Around 9 is totally normal - they will find out the truth from their friends and you really don't want your kid to be the one insisting that FC is real and his mum wouldn't lie to him....

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1stTimeMama · 20/10/2021 10:12

My eldest has just turned 12 and as far as we know, still believes. It was never a thing when I was younger, my parents never sat me down and told me, and I never asked the question, I enjoyed the magic and never thought to ask I suppose.

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ChuddleyCannons · 20/10/2021 10:13

I figured it out when I was 7, but purely because my parents came back tipsy from
Then pub and we were at my grandparents so I heard them come back and discuss where to put the stocking and that 'she'll love the dolphin sponge'

I didn't tell them though because it was still special. I'm 30 now and my mum is 62, not a chance I'm telling her hahah!

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VienneseWhirligig · 20/10/2021 10:15

DS worked it out around 8 and for a while kept saying Santa is a fraud, but not long before Christmas he told me he believed - he thought that would mean he would get the same experience with a stocking and so on. I did say to him that it didn't matter and if he didn't believe that was fine and didn't affect things, but he chose to pretend to believe, and I pretend that he's not pretending. He's an adult now and still goes to bed early on Christmas Eve (before midnight anyway) and gets excited about his stocking, which is more alcohol and phone charger cables these days...

I think lots of kids who still "believe" at 10 or older are actually humouring their parents, and know its a nice story but want the same type of Christmas they have always known.

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NannyPear · 20/10/2021 10:16

I think I was 10 when I stopped believing, and I was later than my friends at school so I'd agree with PPs that 9 is about average

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TurnUpTurnip · 20/10/2021 10:17

Mine did know by 5 as he asked for a magic wand for Christmas and Santa didn’t bring it 🙄 so now he’s declared he is not real, he’s 7 now so he’s known for the past 2 years

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RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 10:39

@Topseyt

I am always amazed at these discussions, and that this is even a conversation to be had.

I can't say I ever had an actual discussion on it with any of my three. I couldn't name the definite age at which they stopped believing, but they were over it well before secondary school without any input from me.

The only reason I remember their ages is because it's happening now.
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RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 10:40

@1stTimeMama

My eldest has just turned 12 and as far as we know, still believes. It was never a thing when I was younger, my parents never sat me down and told me, and I never asked the question, I enjoyed the magic and never thought to ask I suppose.

My patents didn't either. I haven't sat them down to discuss it. They just kept asking and telling me why it couldn't all be real.
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RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 10:41

Parents**

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RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 10:42

@TurnUpTurnip

Mine did know by 5 as he asked for a magic wand for Christmas and Santa didn’t bring it 🙄 so now he’s declared he is not real, he’s 7 now so he’s known for the past 2 years

Aww
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RevolvingPivot · 20/10/2021 10:42

Thanks everyone. 9 seems ok then Smile

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EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/10/2021 10:44

Both my dc worked it out when they were 9. Funnily enough, DS2 never believed in the Tooth Fairy and always said he knew it was really us making it up. But he carried on believing in FC for 3 more years!

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