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AMA

I'm in an interracial, age-gap relationship - AMA

42 replies

Dreamzcancometrue · 21/04/2019 18:47

I'll try to respond to anyone who is genuinely interested. I apologise in advance for any grammatical mistakes in my responses.

OP posts:

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archivearmadillo · 22/04/2019 20:42

Dreamzcancometrue why isn't your mum interested in a man that much younger, do you think?

The only interesting thing about the age gap to me is why people think it's normal when the man is older but not when the woman is.

If your boyfriend's ex is 40 and acquired a boyfriend 18 years younger than her, he would be ten years older than their oldest child. People would have something to say about that, but not about you and your boyfriend.

On another note do you really call a boyfriend of 6 months who you don't live with and who isn't the father of your newborn, your partner? That's jumping the gun a bit isn't it?

fikel · 22/04/2019 18:48

All this labelling drives me bonkers sometimes!! I’m British (half German/half Scottish.) Married to an Iranian, 3 grown up step children and we have a DD. He’s older then me, married 16 years and have no issues whatsoever.

ElizabethMainwaring · 22/04/2019 18:41

The word is have, not of. As in ' I would have'. There is nothing wildly unusual about your predicament. All the best op.

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 18:35

Dreamzcancometrue what would you think if your mum (if she were single) got together with a white man 18 years younger than her?

What would your boyfriend think if his ex got together with a guy 18 years younger than herself, especially if the guy was then actually closer to his children's age than his age?

Is his children's mother his age or also younger than him?

My mum is not interested in any man that much younger than herself. So that situation is very very unlikely to happen so therefore can't say what I'd think, as its never crossed my mind.

And this is what my boyfriend had to say about the second question "Asking what I'd think about my ex getting with anyone, it's none of my business as long as it's not someone who's a danger to my kids!"

And I think his ex is a few years younger then him... Not a considerable amount.

OP posts:

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 18:17

LOL, the most unusual thing about your AMA is that you have a 6 week old in a 6m old relationship grin

Most of the couples I know are inter-racial here in S London (including me) and a 12 year age gap isn’t that remarkable.

Anyway, good for you, most people aren’t optimistic enough to try OLD while pg.

What were you looking for / hoping for?

Is the bio Dad present in any way?

I wasn't planning to end up in a relationship so soon after becoming pregnant, initially we started talking then we realised we had a lot in common! So he eventually asked me for a coffee and I said yes.. Im hoping he is the one! So far so good.

No the bio dad doesn't want to be involved. TG for small mercies though if I would of stayed with the father of my baby I would of never met DP.

OP posts:

archivearmadillo · 22/04/2019 18:11

Dreamzcancometrue what would you think if your mum (if she were single) got together with a white man 18 years younger than her?

What would your boyfriend think if his ex got together with a guy 18 years younger than herself, especially if the guy was then actually closer to his children's age than his age?

Is his children's mother his age or also younger than him?

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 18:03

Okay so you don't live together then?

Nope and for the foreseeable future, it's staying that way.

OP posts:

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 18:02

Does he understand specific issues related to you being black? E.g social justice, micro aggressions , your hair etc

He is interested in current affairs and social issues, and has been around black people for 20 years and again his kids are mixed race. He also understands black women have specific issues with their hair.

OP posts:

InceyWinceyette · 22/04/2019 17:25

LOL, the most unusual thing about your AMA is that you have a 6 week old in a 6m old relationship

Most of the couples I know are inter-racial here in S London (including me) and a 12 year age gap isn’t that remarkable.

Anyway, good for you, most people aren’t optimistic enough to try OLD while pg.

What were you looking for / hoping for?

Is the bio Dad present in any way?

amandacarnet · 22/04/2019 16:44

Okay so you don't live together then?

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 16:43

So you ever wonder if you're fulfilling a fetish? Whether pregnant or black or both?

There was nothing on my profile about being pregnant. That came as a massive surprise to him!
Also the one talking about whether he is fulfilling a fetish, he has been with black women before and his kids are mixed race.

OP posts:

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 16:39

Have you met his ex? Does he has regular contact with his two kids? Does he live with You?

Yes he sees his kids on a weekly basis they stay with him a few days a week. He seems like a very hands on father. He has his own property so do I.

OP posts:

amandacarnet · 22/04/2019 16:27

Cultural differences can be a major issue,especially when kids are involved.
But inter racial relationships surely are fairly common?

Is he involved with your baby at all?
Was it clear on your profile you were pregnant and single?

lboogy · 22/04/2019 16:10

So you ever wonder if you're fulfilling a fetish? Whether pregnant or black or both?

Does he understand specific issues related to you being black? E.g social justice, micro aggressions , your hair etc

archivearmadillo · 22/04/2019 16:06

A younger woman with an older man isn't unusual at all, neither is an interracial couple where both have the same background (both British born). Very different cultural backgrounds would make for an interesting AMA, as would the woman being 18 years plus older than the man - why is it so normal for a late 40s man to be with a late 20s woman, but not the other way around?

Being in a relationship with someone who isn't the father of your 6 week old is surely the AMA fodder in your life though Dream! That's definitely unusual...

mistygrl · 22/04/2019 15:56

There's nothing really to ask. You don't know each other well, you've barely had a relationship. The cultural differences may not even come into play yet.

amandacarnet · 22/04/2019 15:52

You have only known each other for six months in total. Honestly you have not known him long enough to really judge this relationship.
I don't believe that he messaged you by accident, and I am a bit worried that you are so naive to believe this. He liked something he saw in your profile,and used the accidental messaging as an excuse to contact you.

Have you met his ex? Does he has regular contact with his two kids? Does he live with You?

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 15:37

Hmmmmm
Did your profile state your age?
Or that you were pregnant?
I’m going to be honest.
I think he sounds a bit predatory.

He wasn't deliberately looking for a young girl to prey on! It was just that we got on so well chatting, then it developed naturally.

OP posts:

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 14:27

Ohhh me too!
I'm white british, my DH is Japanese - he's 12 years older smile
We've been together for 28 years - 2 grownup kids
We find that differences are really more to do with our personalities rather than our nationality or age

That's nice. I love seeing different types of people get together, it's one way to kick out racism.. But anyways its about the person inside not what age they are or how they look and my man treats me really well better than anyone I've been with in the past. All in all I see a long happy future with this person.

OP posts:

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 14:20

I wonder how much of a network and support you have beyond your partner?
How is your relationship with say, your parents?
How is your partners relationship with his own children? Are you financially independent?

I get on quite well with my mum, she helped me out a lot with my baby, and i also have two brothers that I'm close too. I've got friends around me as well.
My partner has two school age children. They live mainly with their mum but he sees them three times a week at his house. He gets on fine with them and isn't really looking for a full time stepmother as he's a hands-on dad and anyway they already have their mum.
I am financially independent and so is my partner. Neither of us needs to subsidise the other one, though long term we'll probably both benefit from being able to pool our resouces.

OP posts:

leatherflamingle · 22/04/2019 14:11

Hmmmmm
Did your profile state your age?
Or that you were pregnant?
I’m going to be honest.
I think he sounds a bit predatory.

Dreamzcancometrue · 22/04/2019 14:08

Why did he ‘think you were someone he knew already?’ And if he knew them already , have you met the person in question that he thought was you?

It wasn't someone he actually knew he told me that my face had looked familiar and he vaguely connected me with someone he met briefly once before and never had any further contact with.

OP posts:

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TanteRose · 22/04/2019 13:49

Ohhh me too!
I'm white british, my DH is Japanese - he's 12 years older
We've been together for 28 years - 2 grownup kids
We find that differences are really more to do with our personalities rather than our nationality or age

leatherflamingle · 22/04/2019 13:48

Also I have another question .
Why did he ‘think you were someone he knew already?’ And if he knew them already , have you met the person in question that he thought was you?

leatherflamingle · 22/04/2019 13:45

I wonder how much of a network and support you have beyond your partner?
How is your relationship with say, your parents?
How is your partners relationship with his own children? Are you financially independent?

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