I ordered some fresh fish online ,how easy was that I thought, took my order then gave me a collection date with a 2 hour window at Billericay branch.
I made my way through the marauding hoards on a Saturday after queuing to get into their car park to pick my Kipper cutlets I was cooking for a large breakfast. To my surprise my fish seemed a little light, so I checked to find £5.10 worth of fish, I asked where the rest was to be told they only get told of the order the day before, is this not a system fault ,yes was the reply. Oh well that's ok then!
All was good as stopped off to the local church on the way home to enquire how I could make fish for the masses a la Jesus, but they were shut.
So I'll write a letter of protest to my friendly Waitrose customer service. I was lucky to get Fiona Bristoll WOW nothing was too much trouble seemed to be her mantra, but that's what I got NOTHING!
Fiona told me it was all my fault as I'd bought in bulk and the system couldn't deal with that, and I should have ignored the date I was given to attend and ring them and give them notice. My crystal ball was in for repairs ,typical!
I know I'll ring them as the 'customer is always right' hasn't filtered down to Fiona, I rang and was put through to another member of the team, I recounted my adventures and after 5 minutes was told he couldn't help me, it was nice talking to him though, friendly chap. I was put on hold for several minutes to talk to a floor supervisor, but that was OK as I had nothing better to do and the lift music was quite funky. I was answered by another friendly lady, I explained (again ) that all I required was notice that the item would be ready to pick up, cant do that we don't do live stock updates, should you not? I enquired, its impossible you should have contacted the store and sorted it out with them , of course I should have , but wouldn't that negate the need for an online service if I should just deal by phone with the store, just a thought. Told me she was sorry several times." It happens all the time with bulk orders", I repeated to her from the previous customer service agent , yes with bulk orders it often does, shouldn't someone be told so that so it can be corrected? I naively asked, I'll put you through to someone else that can help, lovely I said cant wait, no rush, really getting into the hold music now , quite disappointed when it was interrupted 5 minutes later by Kieran (not as disappointed as would be 10 minutes later)
So through to the head honcho , the main man, the big cheese. He hasn't risen to the heady heights of customer service by fobbing off customers I thought, so Kieran wanted to hear it from me, no problem as I had know learnt my patter off by heart, so off I went and disclosed all. Ahh said Kieran I see the problem, YES DEAR GOD , AT LAST SOMEONE THAT UNDERSTANDS!!
You should have read terms and conditions, ahh he hadn't understood bless him , I ill explain that the system took my order, I entered my £47 payment , told to pick up order, but order not ready.
NOPE definitely should have read terms and conditions, Kieran I asked , man to man , do you read the terms and conditions on everything? Yes I do, he proudly declared, Kieran I don't really have the time to do that when all I want to order is some fish, and I don't suppose most of your customers do . We have 1000's of happy customers I was told, ( they must read the terms and conditions I suppose), But wouldn't it be simpler if the computer just 'said no' and I could get my order elsewhere? No I was vehemently told by Kieran no retailer in the world could do that. Not even TESCO I tentatively ask, No not even them , I do my shopping with them said Kieran (I was beginning to understand why) and they cant do it. What you should have done was put it in comment section of order what you wanted them for, that it was for a PARTY. AHHHH THAT WOULD HAVE GOT MY ORDER COMPLETED I declared . No but at least they would have rung you to tell you that it couldn't be done, stupid me. We chewed the fat for a while which was ironic as it was all I could offer my guests ! We do try our best, and if its not available we try to offer supplementary items,But I only want my kippers, I said trying to stop my bottom lip from quivering, I started to feel I was in an episode of Fawlty Towers with Kieran doing a passable impression of Basil. There's nothing I can do, terms and conditions , you do understand, I didn't really but as stubble that had grown while hanging on the phone was itching and needed shaving I meekly accepted that it was all my fault ,I should have read terms and conditions, I should have ignored everything the online thingy told me ,I should have rung the store, I should have been realistic ( as Kieran pointed out) and accepted there was no way the store could get that amount of fish in at short notice, it was all my fault (he was good, this fella, I started to apologise to him for wasting his time).
One last try , is there really nothing that could be done to smooth the online process, really ? We can put me on the moon I helpfully explained, We cant always get it right, no I agreed, but here's something that will make you laugh Kieran, it happened last time I ordered , oh how we chuckled, I think I even heard Kieran slap his thigh. He felt my pain, he knew I'd been treated badly , he knew I'd wasted my time talking to several advisors and emails, he knew I was talking common sense, I was readying myself , maybe they will send me my order? maybe ill get a discount? I now knew how they felt on Deal or no deal, there was a silence I could hear Kieran's intake of breath , I readied myself £10 off your next order triumphantly declared,
Kieran I said take your £10 and ..............