Five hilarious marriage proposals from hell

Man with engagement ring

No-one wants to say yes when they’re knee deep in vomit or fighting off a colony of vicious bats, but not every proposal goes exactly to plan. As these stories prove, all you need is love – and perhaps the ambulance on speed dial.

A beach of a day

Bat attacks woman's hair

“DH and I went for a walk along the beach where we'd spent many a date. Lovely chats about the future etc and then we walked to the end of a concrete pier (the beach was totally deserted, the sun was setting – it was lovely). He started to get down on one knee and from the other end of the pier some people appeared and began shouting at us. So he jumped up and it turns out they wanted to know if we'd seen their friend Neil (we hadn't, lol). So he tries again, and this time a bat swooped towards us and I ran around screaming in case it got in my hair! So, third time, he drops to his knee and blurts out 'will you marry me?' … Of course I said yes. ”

A labour of love

Woman in labour

“It was our anniversary of having first met so technically it was a good day to choose. Unfortunately I was also 42 weeks pregnant and booked in that day for an induction. Before going to the hospital we decided to go for a walk in quite a busy and public place. I was massive and fed up and nervous about having a baby, and that's where he decided to get down on one knee! I forced the ring onto my sausage finger only to prize it back off at the hospital. I couldn't celebrate our engagement because – you know – labour. I know that he was trying to be romantic by proposing on our anniversary but I really wish he'd chosen any other day!”

In sickness and in vomit

Man and woman sneezing

“A friend went on a special romantic dinner date. They had a walk through the sand dunes whilst holding hands under the stars. It was all very lovely and clearly building up to the proposal she was expecting. He knelt down in front of her and started talking about how much he loved her – then he threw up on her shoes! That made her vomit too, and it all went on his head and on the ring. Turned out they both had norovirus. They’d both been feeling nauseous but they thought it was nerves. They spent the next few days in the bathroom before they felt well enough to announce the engagement. So could be worse!”

Tall, dark and terrifying

Taylor Swift fly kicks man through wall

“We were in a long distance relationship, and he turned up one night at my doorstep – on his knees with a ring. Except the landing lights didn't work and it was pitch dark, so I opened the door with the chain on and nearly screamed in terror when I heard a man's voice coming from around my waist height! He is lucky I didn't fling the door open and kick him in the neck. When it comes to fight or flight, I am clearly a fight kinda gal.”

Who doesn’t want that spark?

Man screams as his head is lit on fire

“When we were very over-dramatic teenagers, me and my ex decided to get married one day. As a way of showing how serious we were about this, we both wrote a love letter to each other. One crisp winter night, we went to a river (why?!) to read the letters, write our wedding vows and then burn them all as some kind of heavenly offering of our love and wanky-ness. Once we'd got all the letter-reading and vow-writing out of the way, we were on to the ceremonial burning. Unfortunately, we couldn't get the paper to light but my ex had lighter fuel in his bag (why?!) so he just doused them. The letters and vows went up a treat but, unfortunately, so did my ex's hand and the sleeve of his coat! He jumped into the river to put the flames out and then, because he was soaking wet and stank of manky old river, the bus driver wouldn't take him on. So we had to walk about ten miles home in the freezing cold, dark night. I did not marry him.”