11 of the worst dates in history
Who said romance was dead? Well, just about anyone who's been on a first date like this. We can only hope there are some normal ones out there – in the meantime, find us at home with our candles, face masks and chilled wine; extremely happy with our life decisions.
The one with the magic tricks
“This guy pulled out a magic wand and started waving it about. He made some coins disappear before putting it away. Every five minutes or so he would repeat the routine – whipping it out, waving it around, and returning it to his pocket.”
The one who couldn't wait
“I was once asked out to dinner by someone who I knew through work, and he seemed normal. I arrived at the restaurant exactly on time to find that he'd not only ordered his own meal, but that he was in the middle of eating it.”
The one with the balls
“I met a man after a bit of back and forth online, and when he arrived he was pissed as a fart. As we sat down in the pub he admired my manicure, then asked if I'd scratch his balls. I politely declined.”
“I went to the pub with a guy who decided to peel the beermats into thin sheets and make origami flowers out of them. What's worse is that he loudly proclaimed, 'A flower for my beautiful lady'.”
“This guy took me out for dinner, then proceeded to get a pencil and paper out when the bill appeared. He needed to do the long division to split it 50/50.”
The one with the dentures
“It was a first date. We went to the cinema, and during the film he took his false teeth out to show me.”
The one who thought negging was a good idea
“He took the piss out of my dress and told me that my 'puppy fat' was cute. Shockingly, it didn't get him far.”
The 'safety first' one
“At the end of a lovely evening together, this guy whips out a wholesale container of condoms nearing their best before date. Apparently his dad worked as a pharmacist and gave it to him as a 'gift', which he then asked if I could 'help him work through.'”
“This guy randomly challenged me to an arm wrestle, then looked pissed off when I won.”
The matchy matchy one
“We turned up wearing matching jackets. They then revealed they had a long-term partner.”
And the... whatever the heck this was
“This guy seemed sweet, but I thought early on that his humour was a bit silly for my tastes. We had a picnic in the park and he started trying to tickle me – bad enough, but then he licked his finger, put it in my ear and cried 'Wet willy!' When he saw how horrified I was, he looked sheepish and said 'I can give you a dry one instead.'
'I'm alright, thanks,' I replied."