Kids do the most disgusting things

Child picking his nose

To celebrate the launch of Mumsnet’s new book How To Blitz Nits And Other Nasties, herein lies a list of Mumsnetters' most repugnant parenting moments. WARNING: If you don't already have children, do not read this.

1. “My son was happily wandering around the garden for half an hour, holding something in his hand and occasionally nibbling on it/kissing/dribbling on it. I thought it was a stick. I opened his hand to find a semi-dried slug. Still a bit squishy.” slug

2. “I asked my three-year-old son to stop picking his bottom – he replied: 'But how will I get the little bits of poo out?'”

going to throw up

3. “I have to keep stopping my four-year-old son picking chewing gum off the underside of tables and chewing it himself.”

chewing gum

4. “My son tried to stick his willy in my partner’s ear last night. Just to see if it fit.”


5. “My daughter barfed into my open mouth. Reader, I swallowed it.”


6. “If I don't catch my daughter as soon as she does a poo, she pulls it out of her nappy and eats it. She’s also tried to feed it to the dogs and her older brother. Minging child.”


7. “I caught my eldest son happily cleaning his teeth with the toilet brush.”

toilet brush

8. “My youngest son kept giving me his finger to kiss while I was trying to read. I kept kissing it and going back to my book – and then figured out he had been wiping his finger on his bum, up his nose, prodding his willy then getting me to kiss his finger!”


9 “My 10-month-old seems to be perpetually covered in drool and snot at the moment. Today, while we were playing, I stuck my tongue out at her and she leaned forward and literally put her mouth around my tongue and licked it. A full-on French kiss. My whole face was smothered in snot and saliva, and I had the sobering thought that I have finally lost all personal boundaries.”


10. “I don't want to worry you lot, but things do not really improve even when they are in their twenties. The other night my son woke up very drunk and was sick into a pint glass, which was next to his bed. A couple of hours later, he woke up needing a drink, and thinking that the pint glass of sick was water, he drank it.”


How To Blitz Nits (And Other Nasties) book cover

Plagued by wee beasties? For solutions to common childhood ailments, buy the book – How To Blitz Nits (And Other Nasties). Even better, Mumsnetters can get 35% off when entering the code NITS at the checkout.