15 lessons you've learnt from the movies
1. "If someone is dead, make sure they're dead. Kill them again just to make sure."
2. "If I would only remove my glasses, I'd be utterly gorgeous."
3. "Don't go creeping about in the dark in your nightie looking for the source of an odd noise."
4. "Large, expensive boats often sink. Poorly constructed boats get attacked by big sharks. Some boats leave you stranded on a desert island. Don't get on a boat."
5. "Never say goodbye on the phone. Just cut the other person off when you are done talking."
6. "When running away from a mass murderer who has escaped from a high security prison, ALWAYS run upstairs. Not out of the front door, but onto the roof. You will either have to jump and break your ankle, or be killed."
7. "If you are a teenager, you will either be a straight A student or a troublesome dropout. You will not ever be someone who is kind of average."
8. "When you have naked sex with someone then get up, the sheet magically wraps around you like a crisp sexy toga."
9. "If you hit someone very badly with your car and they get up and start lurching towards you, run."
10. "Ventilation shafts are so clean! They’re pristine monuments of shining stainless steel without a speck of dust or a spider's web to be seen."
11. "Never use public loos while travelling in America - you will either be murdered, or witness something dodgy and end up knowing too much. Then murderers will hunt you down."
12. "It's quite possible to have a two-minute conversation with your passenger without once looking at the road ahead of you, while driving at speed through heavy traffic."
13. "In high school, nobody is ever allocated the awkward low level lockers."
14. "All American bars have a TV tuned to the news channel which will flash up a photograph of the serial killer/man-on-the-run/prime suspect, who also happens to be sitting at said bar, but who will not be spotted by anyone else in said bar, and will manage to make good his escape."
15. "If you move to a big, beautiful house, it will be haunted."
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Last updated: 3 days ago