9 annoying things that always happen in films and on tv

Is it too much to ask for a little realism? Mumsnetters share the film and telly clichés that make them want to hurl their remotes at the screen

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1. People demonstrate appalling phone etiquette

 

"When characters speaking on the phone hang up without saying 'bye'".


2. Hospitals are like boutique hotels, but with nurses

 

"When soap characters have an accident and spend weeks in bed in a private room just off the main corridor. Then get up and go home. Ronnie Mitchell and Sinead Tinker - I'm looking at you."


3. Every teacher is an inspirational renegade 


"Lessons are thinly disguised sophomoric meditations on the nature of emotion and psychology. Especially bloody Dead Poets Society and fucking Dawson's Creek."


4. Women always look amazing


"Women who are on the run or stranded on an island somehow manage to always have perfect make-up, great hair and no body hair regrowth. I don't expect documentary-style realism, but come on..."


5. And everything can be solved with some make-up and a haircut

 

"When the geeky girl takes off her glasses in a makeover scene and is suddenly stunning. Those awful specs didn't suit her - but now she CAN'T FUCKING SEE."


6. People are remarkably unconcerned about preserving crime scenes


"On CSI, why do the technicians never have booties on at a crime scene? Why are they flicking their long hair everywhere? Why aren't they wearing disposable coveralls so they don't contaminate the evidence?!"


7.  Baddies are astonishingly prone to self-sabotage


"Poirot finally figures it out, and calls everyone together so that he can reveal the murderer's identity. The guilty party just sits there patiently as Poirot explains how it was done. When they're finally outed they go nuts as if it's the last thing they had expected to happen and try to escape. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME."


8. Every man possesses a magical penis


"A woman reaches a majestic, roaring, mind-blowing orgasm a few seconds after a man has penetrated her. Yeah, because that reflects real life..."


9. No one has grasped how this giving birth thing works


"Pregnant women immediately go into end stage labour at the first contraction and SECONDS after their waters break. Most of us faff round on Mumsnet for a couple of hours asking if 'this is it?'"


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Last updated: over 1 year ago