10 times that toddlers ruined everything
1. The time they channelled Uri Geller
"My son broke my Conran vase with the power of his mind. He stamped his foot and pointed at it whilst going puce with rage... He then gave me the satisfied grin of toddlers everywhere, and resumed watching TV."
2. The time they decided it was game over
"My child barrelled through two old guys playing a chess game that had
been going on for three days."
3. The time they DGAF about prehistory
"At four, my son broke the bone off a dinosaur in a big museum. I'm not sure if it was a real one or a model - but I didn't hang around to find out."
4. The time they got creative with toilet training
"My daughter was potty training and weed on my husband's iPad because the red case was the same colour as her potty."
5. The time they got reckless with relics
"We had a very close shave at an ancient burial site, which had survived thousands of years... until my son started trying to move the stones."
6. The time they redecorated
"I went into my son's bedroom one morning to find he had pulled off every strip of wallpaper he could reach."
7. The time they showed utter disregard
"When I was little, on a school trip to the British Museum, my best friend projectile vomited over some giant Egyptian doors that we were told had 'only just come back from restoration'."
8. The time they became aggressively atheist
"My great uncle, as a five-year-old, knocked down a priceless, six-foot devotional statue of St Mary in the local church 20 minutes before a procession. They blamed that for the German invasion at the time."
9. The time they took artistic license
"My friend's child did a nice drawing on the side of a relative's Porsche with a stone. It was a landscape, so covered three panels of the car. It was even signed."
10. The time they wreaked total havoc
"My husband's nephews tipped over a sofa, switched on the gas cooker, and tried to set fire to my daughter. All in a few minutes."
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