Things your kids do that make you think ... WTF?
'Do you ever look at your children and think WTF?', asked SPsMrLoverManSHABBA. Turns out the majority of parents think that their offspring are curious little creatures. Here's why.
They make you kiss inanimate objects goodnight
"My three-year-old son loves the Argos catalogue. He sleeps with it and sings to it, and I have to kiss it goodnight and say 'goodnight, Argos.'"
They pick up phrases that make you feel slightly uncomfortable
"My two-year-old son slid up beside me, put his arm around me, looked me in the eye and said 'Do you miss me, princess?'"
Their concept of geography is ... creative
"My son came home from school a couple of weeks ago to say that so-and-so in his class had just come back from a two week holiday - in Afghanistan. I explained how unlikely I thought that was, and sent him in the next day 'to check'. He said he thought he'd got the country wrong but it was 'definitely somewhere near Narnia'."
And then there's the egg-laying...
"My four-year-old son's favourite pastime is pretending to be various animals. This week he's taken to being a bird of some description, possibly a chicken. He spends every day after school sat on a nest made out of blankets, trying to hatch one of my egg ornaments. He makes me promise to sit on it when he goes to bed and was most angry when he discovered I wasn't taking my hatching duties seriously."
They do unnervingly good impressions...
"My 21-month-old son was trying to stick his head through the staircase whilst making a dinosaur noise. He reminded me of Jack Nicholson in The Shining."
...and come up with some wonderful excuses
"I woke up this morning to find my child in my bed eating a block of cheese. I just looked at him. He said "me have breakfast like Buddy," as if he knew what I was thinking. Buddy is his toy mouse."
Their 'hiding' skills aren't quite as well developed as they could be...
"My 19-month-old is currently in bed with two bookends, a hair brush, a hair band and a money box. They're all hidden under the duvet so I 'don't know they're there...' "
Some have creepy tendencies...
"My daughter seems quite normal - apart from the fact she talks to herself in a low whisper all the time. She's normally just telling herself a story, but a few months ago I heard her reciting the start of One Step Beyond by Madness. She was 2.5 at the time."
... and some show a surprising flair for avant-garde body art
"My eight-year-old son got undressed the other night and I realised that at some point during the day he'd quietly drawn an elephant's head and ears on his own groin with a felt-tip pen. His willy formed the trunk."
It gets better when they're older though. Oh, wait.
"My daughter squeezed herself into her little cousins Little Tykes car. It took two adults to get her out. She was 16."
Last updated: about 3 years ago