Things you'd only know if you're a parent
1. There is no predicting what will trigger a tantrum
"Two of our daughter's most memorable meltdowns were prompted by a) not being allowed to assist in the construction of a dry stone wall, and b) a random dog failing to donate its tail to her."
2. Quiet isn't always good
"Our daughter was upstairs - I thought she was playing in her room. Upon going to look at her, I found her covered in talc and baby oil in the bathroom. The black bathroom carpet was white."
3. You're going to need to monitor their TV time VERY carefully
"Never let them watch a single episode of Paw Patrol unless you want to watch, sing, read, and play nothing but Paw Patrol for the rest of your life."
4. There are worse things than standing on Lego
5. Parents are called upon to do disgusting things
"I have learnt that when your child vomits in your bed, you have to catch it in your hands."
6. It's possible to become deeply invested in someone else's bodily functions
"Their first wee on the potty that was deliberate rather than lucky. It's like you've won a gold medal. The joy, the pride, the relief."
7. Some spills are worse than others
"Five litres of cooking oil poured onto a floor is very difficult to clean up."
8. Weather is a grown-up concept
"The park is most enjoyable in January, when there's sleet, it's 3 degrees and the toilets are closed. Any other day is not as much fun."
9. Children repeat EVERYTHING
"I've learnt that children are like tiny sponges - they remember the things you say and will repeat them. A doctor on the children's ward said hello to my 3-year-old the other day and asked how he was feeling. Our son turned and put his hand to his brow and replied, 'Look, I'm really not in the mood for this, I didn't sleep well last night and I'm exhausted!'"
10. Toys are never as attractive as the boxes they come in
"You can buy them all the toys in the world and they will still find the most enjoyment with a free toy or cardboard box."
11. You are more resilient than you think
"You can easily work on two hours of sleep, a whole lot of coffee and some chocolate. And you will probably still be more efficient than most of your colleagues."
...and that sometimes you just have to grin and bear it
"Sometimes it's easier to wear the Anna from Frozen headband and dance around the living room than it is to say no!"
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Last updated: over 2 years ago