"Mummy only feeds me worms and caterpillars", and other terrible lies that kids tell

Do you ever worry that you've raised a compulsive liar? You are not alone - here are just a few examples of when Mumsnetters' offspring have made their parents look really, really bad.


1) My seven-year-old was with me in Sainsbury's, and said, totally deadpan, to the checkout lady, "Mum, if I carry the shopping, will you stop burning me with cigarettes?"

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2) My cousin's little girl shouts "help me, this is not my mummy!" at strangers, when her mum refuses to get her something in the shop.

Not my mummy


3) When my son was a toddler, we were walking home, and he picked up a stick for me and shouted, "Mummy, I got you a dick! You like dick don't you Mummy?" in front of builders working on the house a few doors down. 

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4) My son and I were visiting his great gran in an old people's home, and he was chatting to all the residents. Then he said, "You're very old. Does that mean you will die soon?"

5) In the potty-training phase, my son got lots of praise for doing wees and poos in his potty. We went into a public loo, with loooong queues, but finally we got a cubicle. DS did a wee, then I had my turn. Then DS announces in a BIG, loud voice: "Well DONE, Mummy! That's a lovely big poo!"

6) "Mummy only feeds me worms and caterpillars." Accompanied by a [sadface], to a preschool worker.

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7) "We didn't do anything for my birthday." Good to know the party was appreciated, then.

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8) In the doctor's surgery, my son decided to go sit in the free tub chair. He picked up a Cbeebies magazine, and sat quietly for two minutes before letting out a very loud sigh, and saying "I do like my willy Mummy. It's much better than flaps, isn't it?"


9) On the first day of nursery, my nephew, aged three-and-a-half, walked past a teacher who was bending down and slapped her on the bum, saying "foxy lady".

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10) My daughter lost a front tooth, and she told everyone, including her teacher who then sent her to do "special reading" with the head 

To tooth ferry,
My mummy 
punch miy in 
the fays
and I swulwd
muy tooth

11) Also, my daughter used to randomly point at men in the street and shout "Daddy, Daddy!" The poor men looked terrified. Cracked me up, though.






Last updated: about 3 years ago