20 signs you've been hanging out with kids too long
1. "While standing in a supermarket queue, I tightened a lady’s ponytail. It didn't even register until she spun around looking shocked... I don't know why I did it, I was just musing over dinner options in my head while waiting - the only thing I can think is that she was rather petite with dark hair and somewhere in my brain I connected her to my daughter…"
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2. "I have pointed out the 'duckies' to a group of adults before, forgetting I was toddler-free."
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3. "I once tucked in a woman's cardigan label - I was behind her on the bus. She was not amused."
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4. "I cannot cross the road without first putting my arm out to stop my kids going into the road before I check for cars, and without holding their arm. Problem is, they're now 10, 14 and 16 (and perfectly capable of crossing the road without help!). I also do it to my husband, my sister, my mum, my friends..."
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5. "I am a teacher and so am forever shhh-ing people without thinking about it, especially at the pub quiz because my brain thinks it should be 'test conditions'. I don't even notice I'm doing it until my companions begin looking mortified."
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6. "After a long day's teaching I managed to summon the energy to get a few bits for tea in the supermarket. The cashier gave me my change. At this point I should have said 'thank you', except I said 'well done, good maths!'."
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7. "I move cups away from the edges of tables or away from crossed arms which I just know are going to uncross and send drinks flying. I stare intently at the cup wondering whether people will understand that I HAVE to move it."
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8. A friend's son fetched me a drink his mum had made. I told him he was a good boy and patted him on the head. He's a strapping six-foot-tall 17-year-old. He gave me a total 'wtf?!' look and slunk out the room."
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9. "I clapped someone for having a bright idea. Shame it was my new boss at my first job back after maternity leave. We were in a very important management meeting..."
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10. "I was wearing a jumper with a cat on it. Sitting in the waiting room at GP surgery.
A couple with a toddler came in doing ostentatious loud parenting. The mum said 'now what has that lady got on her jumper, what sound does it make?'. I let rip a lusty 'meeeeooooow'. Shortly after which, and in light of their shocked faces, I realised they weren't really looking for me to answer."
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11. "I wiped my daughter's mouth with a serviette at a family meal. She is 24."
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12. "I frequently spell out words with letter sounds instead of names. I once gave my postcode to an insurance company this way 'su bu...' The lovely telephone man was rather bemused: 'um do you mean sierra bravo...'"
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13. "I got into my friend's car at university years ago. She climbed in on top of me and fastened my seatbelt - she had a three year-old and a five year-old at the time."
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14. "We had a man round laying new flooring. While he was kneeling at the edge of the room, I absentmindedly went and stood next to him and sort of gently stroked his head. He asked me if I was OK and I was so embarrassed I just left the room."
15. "My niece is constantly doing handstands and walk-overs on to the sofa. My sister (mother of said niece) once walked into the living room, seemingly forgot that she was 45 and not 11, and did a walk-over on to the sofa. I don't think she's done that for about 30 years..."
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16. "My husband and I went out for a meal on his birthday with some friends - adults-only posh dinner sort of thing (friends don't have kids). One of our friends gave him a card, and as he opened it I said 'and what do we say?!', like I would if prompting my kids to say thank you."
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17. "I tell children to stop running quite often. I once shouted 'walk indoors!' to two adult men who were running in the Trafford Centre. My husband tried to pretend he wasn't with me - although I maintain that they shouldn't have been running..."
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18. "I do a fine line in 'Oh look, there's a helicopter/horse/fire engine' --to my boss--."
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19. "Making tea one night I cut up my toddler’s food as normal then very briskly moved into cutting up my eldest daughter's, my son's and my husband's. They are 9, 13 and 39 years old respectively."
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20." My husband once absentmindedly hand-fed the plumber a blackberry."
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Last updated: about 3 years ago