Definitive proof that kids hit their comedy peak when travelling in the car

Children say some downright weird interesting things at the best of times - but there's something extra-special about a car journey that seems to push their conversation to the next level. Presenting: Mumsnetters' best examples of back seat pearls of wisdom. 


1. Today my three-year-old told me, "It’s ok mammy - I'll teach you how to park!"
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2. "Mummy, what is 50 Shades of Grey about?"

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3. My son tells my other son, “If that car in front of us had the letters on its number plate the other way around - with an S in front of it - it would spell SEX”. Then two seconds later, he leans forward and asks, “Mummy, what does sex mean?”


4. Son #2 - "Mummy?"
Me - "Yes?"
Son #2 - "I love you."
Son #2 - "Son #1?"
Son #1 - "Yes?"
Son #2 - "I love you."
Son #2 - "Daddy?"
Husband - "Yes?"
Son #2 - "Are we nearly there yet?"

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5. Whilst I was singing along to Adele, my three-year-old announced, "Mummy, you're not very good."

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6. My four-year-old son recently innocently reminded me to drive very slowly when we passed a police car. I asked him where he'd got that idea and his response was "Daddy told me!"


7. From my seven-year-old daughter:
"Mummmmeeeeee, why do cars always hoot when Daddy drives?"
Indeed, darling. Indeed.

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8. When my daughter was three she told me I was an awful driver and I deserved to 'get sacked' because I made her drop her last chocolate button. 


9. A conversation between my daughters in the back of the car:

Daughter #1 - "Whose driving do you like best?"
Daughter #2 - "Mum's."
Daughter #1 - "Me too."
Me - "Aww thanks."
Daughter #1 - "Yeah well Dad just seems to stop, he doesn't slow down first like you do."
Daughter #1 - "But if Dad asked, I'd tell him I preferred his driving, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings."
Daughter #2 - "I thought you didn't like Dad though."
Daughter #1 - "Yes, I do like him."

Daughter #1 was nine, Daughter #2 four at the time.


10. My seven-year-old and six-year-old were bickering in the back over a Barbie doll that Nana had given them, when my seven-year-old snatched it out of my six-year-old’s hands, prompting the youngest to start wailing. I reprimanded my seven-year-old and told her that I didn't ever want to see her do that again.
She replied, "Okay, close your eyes".

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11. My six-year-old son to his friend: "Are you a member of the National Trust?"


12. "Mummy, you're supposed to go fast when it's orange light." (apparently Daddy told him that.)

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13. I've just listened to my five-year-old son have a pretend mobile phone discussion in the back of the car with "one of his builder mates". He also 'spoke' to his friend's wife and one of their four children...

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14. "Help! My cows are escaping!" - my daughter was playing on Minecraft.

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15. One bleak December morning I had to step hard on my brakes to avoid crashing into some eejit taking my right of way. And whilst braking I let out an exasperated "JESUS CHRIST!" To which my then three-year-old replied from the back seat - "Mary's boychild, mummy?"


16. When being driven by her grandad, my 20-month-old daughter said "Aaaarggghhh! Grandad's really bad!"


17. "I've lost my snot."

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18. My six-year-old nephew in the back:
"Shhhhhh aunty. No talking in the car."
"You have to bloody concentrate when you drive." 





Last updated: about 3 years ago