15 legendary Mumsnet threads

To get you signing up this Lurkers' Week (14 - 20 March), we've rounded up the most legendary Mumsnet threads of all time, ever. Well - from the last decade and a half, anyway

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1. "DS1 has made a large clay cock"

clay cock

The time a Mumsnetter's young son sculpted a large clay cock and balls and she (understandably) didn't quite know what to say. "I just kept gazing at it in horror and blurting 'LOVELY darling, you are SO clever'." Yes, that is an actual photo.


2. "My DP has started making pirate noises during sex"

pirate sex

A well-known MNer changed her name to confess that her beloved had started making pirate noises when he, er, brought his vessel successfully into port. "He has begun to put on a strange voice during sex - for eg 'Arr matey,' in the style of that weird sea captain from The Simpsons. The other one is 'Arr, the ship's a-dockin,' and 'My lighthouse is tingling'." Ah. "He is not a sailor btw, and has no connection to seafaring folk."


3. "Pink, pink, pink! Peter is PINK!"


It's not all pirate sex and unfortunate kiddie sculpture, though. Some of the most amazing threads come from the very real care that MNers show when one of their number is in trouble. The amazing Pink Peter wasn't an MNer, but his wife was, and is. Hooked to a machine to keep him alive for a record 763 days, he finally got the heart transplant he needed; MNers were with them every step of the way, offering support and, after an article was published in the Mirror newspaper, drumming up an amazing 25,000 new organ donors in just six days.


4. Mumsnet Rhapsody


Sometimes, we write songs. Apologies to Freddie Mercury. And, you know, all the musics.

5. "He's eaten a fat ball"

fat ball

A what now? Ah, those seed and suet balls that kids make for the birds in winter. Foolish of our MNer to leave them in the fridge, really, with a hungry husband on the loose. Apparently he thought it was an artisan Scotch egg. "He complained to me it was a bit greasy," reported the proud/disgusted wife.


6. "Honey, I ate the hamster"


"I wouldn't have done it if it hadn't escaped from its cage and fallen in the stew."

7. "AIBU to throw my bowl of pear across the kitchen?"

toddler tantrum

What would the infant mindset make of Mumsnet's popular talk topic, mused one MNer in "If my three-year-old had access to AIBU...". "Earlier today I demanded that my mother stop what she was doing and immediately get me a pear. She asked me if I wanted the pear to be cut up or whole. I replied 'cutted up,' and the utter arse of a woman cut up my pear! I was speechless with rage."


8. "The perfect cube of poo"

poo baby

And other memorable poos in inappropriate places...


9. "Any advice for caring for a drug dependent baby?"

nursery mobile

There are many, many amazing people on Mumsnet (we like to think) - for example, the late EarthMotherImNot, who fostered a very young baby who was suffering from drug withdrawal, while also dealing with her own considerable health problems. She bravely saw the child off to a happy adoption with a delighted family.


10. "There have been two people sat in a car outside my house for 83 hours"


Sometimes, being an MNer means offering 24-hour surveillance on the comings and goings of one's neighbours. Sometimes just comings, and no goings. "There have been two people sat in a car outside my house for 83 hours. Possibly longer." Then it got steamy. And then they ordered pizza. Strange.


11. "A plate has fallen down the back of the loo"


Other times, it's support that's required. Like when trying to rescue a child-made plate that has fallen down the back of the loo. "Booble plate," truly, was the thread that had everything: tension, a satisfying narrative arc, tears, Domestos bleach and bent wire hangers.


12. Workplace disasters

business woman

Being a working parent is hard. Sure, your ability to manage your time is quadrupled - but sometimes you forget your own name, and introduce yourself to a packed conference hall as Angela Hernandez. Nice woman. But not you.


13. The sinister Easter bonnet

Easter bonnet

A frazzled Mumsnetter made an Easter bonnet for her fox-loving son. Upon completion, she worried that the finished article was a little, well... sinister. She turned to Mumsnet for reassurance, and received it in spades, "the look of evil on the fox's face is the stuff of nightmares. Will blow the other insipid offerings out of the water."

14. "There is a tiny elderly Korean lady in my garden and I want to go out"

Korean lady

An EKL (Elderly Korean Lady) parked herself in the OP's garden while her son dismantled a summerhouse, and proceeded to win everyone's heart. "This is the oddest and sweetest thread I have ever read on Mumsnet."

15. "Do you dunk your penis?" 

penis beaker

And finally... there was the one about the penis beaker. Love it, or hate it - you all read it. Don't even try and pretend you didn't.

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Last updated: over 2 years ago